Hitting the reset button

As i posted in Karen's thread about depression I decided to end my 2 months long living hell relationship.  The first month was super great, then a total 180 occurred.  I saw a woman go from a loving caring gal who was talking about future plans with me, dresses, house plans, baby names, all that.  That was month one.  Month two has been nothing short of a nightmare.  Constant complaining about little nick picky stuff, flat out telling me she wasn't in love with me like she thought, sayign the only reason she was even trying is cause her boys loved me, etc etc.  I just could not take it no more.  So tonight (with some serious coaching from Ruth) I ended it.  We are still friends and might go out from time to time and if she pulls her head out of her A$$ we might get back together but i am not holding my breath.  She needs counselling for a very tramatic event that happened to her 4 years ago and she refuses to get the help she so desperately needs.  I see my brother going through this same thing now with his estranged wife.  She has had demons come up from something that happened to her over 30 years ago and has left my brother due to it.  I will not go through that, and should not have to.  Ruth said the other day, love should not be hard, it should be fun.  I want to have fun again.  I have earned that right.  And I don't need the stress and drama....I have enough stress starting to school again....lol

So with that it is official.....The Sultan is back on the market.  As the Urikai leader says in Lord of the Rings "Meat's back on the menu!!"

I am sorry, but it sounds like you did the right thing. I honestly beliieve there is the right person out there for everyone. Sometimes it just takes time to find him or her. take our time and you will.

Ok, the terrible at relationships girl is going to speak.  "I'm not in love with you like I thought" could be honest doubt, could be manipulation but is definitely your sign for "hit the door and don't come back till you figure that one out baby".  Trying to "win" someone's love or trying to heal someone's broken past is just a big old cluster F****, pardon my french.

Dr. Ruth is right-Love shouldn't be hard.  There are hard times we all face, but if the question of loving the person is already an issue-LOL.

I watched my brother go through a series of relationships where he wanted to be the big white knight on the steed-and he himself will say he feels very lucky he didn't lose more than he did-some of his white knight friends lost their retirements, houses, etc.  Then low and behold, he met a perfectly sane, self sufficient, level headed woman-yes, they do exist.  LOL.

I get a lot more out of relationships (romantic and otherwise) since I don't look at each relationship as the be all and end all of all things.  We human beings tend to focus on thinking ONE thing is our savoir (and I don't mean that in a religious sense, it just is a good metaphor) and in truth, there are many chances to learn and grow out there.  If one works much better than the others, well, that's a good one!

Dan the man, I think you did the right thing. It's like the old corny saying, "If you love someone set them free...."

You're right. You don't need drama in your life, and Ruth's right, too..real, true love isn't hard...it survives the hard times and carries you through them, not creating more hard times.

Game playing, bait and switch, guilt tactics..you don't need it. Out there somewhere is a girl who's wating for you. When you meet her, you'll know it..and you'll be so much happier with her that you'll wonder, "Why the hell did I waste time over what's-her-name?"

In the meantime, focus on you and take a step back from pursuing a relationship. They happen and come to you when you least expect them to. Trust me.

((Hugs))

 I know it was probably tough, but GOOD FOR YOU!!  This is a time when you definitely need to put yourself first and I'm proud of you for doing it.  This "love" thing is a lot of work, but it should never be more work than necessary if you know what I mean.  Congratulations on your escape!  All the single girls will be glad to know meat is back on the menu.  Love ya!  Cindy

big hugs to you dan!  you are doing what is right for you and thats all you can do..you can not fix her and its obvious she doesnt want to help herself. I do hope you will still be there for her boys. they need stability and you can offer it as a friend rather than a bf to mommy. since your staying friends you will have the chance to be there for the boys.

I think it's great that you figured out after only a few months that you are worth more than you were getting.  Some people spend years trying to figure that out!  Good for you.  If things are meant to be, she will realize it and get the help she needs.  If not, you will find who you are meant to be with and be happy.  Hang in there!  Diana

Good for you, Dan!  As the woman who spent 6 years longer in a marriage than I should have (it only lasted 6 1/2 years total!) I can tell you that you made a wise decision.  What she was giving you now is as good as it is gonna get!  Early in a relationship they are showing you the best self they have to offer.  This is your time to focus on you- not someone else's mental health issues.  I can tell you from first hand experience that you can't love someone enough to fix their psychiatric problems.  My ex is even crazier now than he was when I divorced him many years ago.

Run and don't look back!  Go to school and make good grades.  You are entering a profession where the women outnumber the men by a hige margin- the pickin's should be good!

Denise