Lack of support of family members...

I'm 56, tons of health issues, I live alone, which in this stage of my life is ok, but my family, 4 children all grown and married and 11 grandkids,  have no idea what I am going through in making this decision. They have young families and have no time to "be there" for me. One daughter is a personal trainer and you can only imagine her attitude and suggestions....Two live out of state....So, It is just me on this mission.   Does this group on here really help a person? I mean at this point, I feel like crying for days and days and even I don't  want to listen to myself!! I used to be out going, but am so withdrawn now. I don't know how to come out of this so I tend to lurk on here, trying to learn as much as I can. I guess I'm asking how one really joins in on here? I just came home from the seminar in Edmond, so I am encouraged but still apprehensive, I guess you would say....Can one do this alone?

You can do this.  People on these boards are terrific for helping you learn and deal with everythng you will face.  I have noticed that the people from the OKC area are very close and very supportive, so you will never feel alone. You also need to talk to someone.  I know that my doctor requires you to see a psycholigist and many of the people have continued to see her even after surgery to work through issues that got them to the point they needed surgery.  We are all here to help.  There are so many great people on this board and they are at different stages so you have an abundance of knowledge to pull from.  Welcome to the OK Board, we have a seat on the loser's bench for you.

Sherri

Oh yes, there truly is understanding and support here! We have all been in the decision making process on this journey ... we understand the fears and frustrations. Many of us have had family or friends that don't understand and have negative attitudes about WLS. However, for those of us here, it has been a blessing to have this surgery and make all these lifestyle changes. It's not all easy, but it is so very worth it!

You have already joined in! Just post your questions or whatever you may have whenever they come up and we will do our best to share our experiences and give you support.

I'm offering you a BIG Okie welcome to the group! I'll also keep you in my prayers as you make your decisions.

I was there this morning with a family friend.  You should have smacked me in the head and introduced yourself! First of all, there is a world of support for you.  No, it might not be your family, but we are like a family here and also at WeightWise.  Just ask and we'll make sure you have it!!  I hope we are a helpful and safe place to come and express your troubles, issues, questions, concerns, WOW moments, etc.  We try to be, we can be a bit dysfunctional ourselves as well, but overall the group here is very caring and accepting of each other. Let us know what you need and please ask your questions - if not openly, PM one of us and we'll talk privately.  There are good people here on OH and in the OK forum and jump in and you'll see how much you get in return!! Good Luck!!!  

I thought I saw you there, but was to freaking shy to come up and smack you...People who know me would be shocked at me being shy...but I am, when it comes to meeting new people. I also fear that from past  issues, though I know I shouldn't with this group. Just an old habit I suppose. My hobby is cooking, I just won 2nd place in the "Made in Oklahoma" recipe contest. I create recipes....cooking has been the way I get approval....I am known in my family as the only one who can "really"cook... I think on top of everything I fear losing my identity, though it is going to kill me if I don't do something. Dysfunctional is the perfect word to use for what I am going through.  Through all this....I do know that somewhere inside me is the strong woman I always was. The tenacious lady who doesn't give up. I always say to my Grand kids....When I grow up, I am going to do this or that....Well, one thing I am going to be is Healthy and Thin!! Remind me of this off and on....OK?? Sherry

Sherry - I understand totally!! Right now I am in the middle of decorating my twin g-kids 1st birthday cakes.  I have been decorating cakes on the side for several years, including one about 20 days after my surgery so I understand about the cooking thing.   You can STILL cook - you do not have to stop doing that!!  In fact I would suggest you don't.  You may have to alter things a little bit and don't put the spoon/finger in your mouth (I just made this mistake - again - with a finger full of buttercream frosting) but you can still have your hobby!! I also am shy most of the time.  You wouldn't know that when you see me at support group or any WeightWise event, because I am very comfortable there - it is safe!!  Get me away from there and I revert back to the fat girl with no confidence!  I am getting better, but it is like pulling teeth!! Hang in there - we will get your confidence back to you!!  

Hi Sherry - glad you made your way through to this board and welcome! This board has been a lifeline for many of us, yes, it is important to have a supportive family, but as Ruth said, we are like family . For me, it has been very important to have a group of people who can relate to the weight issues and struggles, these are things that even our beloved family members do not grasp, simply because they have not lived it. I urge you to read some of our profiles and see that many of us have followed a similar path through obesity and the decision to have surgery.  Please feel free to ask questions, read the posts and see that we are a friendly, welcoming group of people. We attend support groups (which I think are vital), we have walking groups, we even manage to get together and eat (yes eat!!) once a month, so as you can see we are all very connected with each other. I wish you the best of luck in this journey and welcome you with open arms!!! - Anna

Ok, so now you have a new family!  We're not as good as your other family but we certainly understand your struggles better than anyone else.  You have made a very wise choice in seeking help and support here and in picking a place to have surgery, if you decide to do it.  I always swore I would never have wls.  Well, never say never!  I'm 10 days post-op and couldn't be happier with the results so far. Let me be the first to welcome you to the dinner we are organizing on June 18 for all those interested.  It will be at Alfredo's in Moore.  This gives us an opportunity to get together, talk, solve the world's program and maybe even some of our own.  You just missed a support group meeting at WeightWise and they are incredible!  The next one is June 19 and you should plan on being there.  I know gas is expensive but you should come to both of these events and meet your new weight loss family.  It is an investment in your emotional well-being (if I can be so bold) and and investment is your decision making process. Please, please, please do not be shy.  Ask us anything.  That is why we are all here! Good luck here and I hope to see lots and lots of questions or thoughts coming from you! Kim

One other thing, bring any or all of your family members to our next support group meeting.  My sister and I both had surgery 5 days apart and our mom was freaking.   But after she came to a support group meeting, she was much more relaxed.  Obesity is not your fault!  It is a disease!  Surgery gives us all a fighting chance to win back our lives.

I am still fairly new to this board. I am also shy until I get to know people. Last Thursday I attended my second support group meeting and I was so amazed at the people *****cognized me and how open and friendly everyone is. So I too advocate what others above have said -- come to support group meetings. After my first one I knew I was doing the right thing and it was when my excitement really kicked in. I can't make the dinner or the next meeting as I will still have family and activities going on related to my son's wedding next week and I am really disappointed, but I will be there in July.