Unsupport from well meaning family...

So I was talking to my favorite aunt yesterday.  She's actually caught someplace between a sister and and an aunt because we're only 12 years appart.  Anyhow, EVERYONE in my family has struggled with their weight except my mom and my baby brother.  My mom is at her heaviest in life wearing a size 9-10 (5'5").  My baby bro is 26, 6'2" with a 29 inch waist.  That leaves 3 overweight aunts, 1 MO aunt, 2 MO grandparents, 1 overweight brother, 1 SMO father...I could go on and on.  Anyhow, my aunt who has struggled her whole life between a size 10 and a size 22, called.  I was talking to her about the liquid diet and how I'd lost 11lbs.  She said that I shouldn't have the surgery.  I should just do this liquid diet.   I'm like   WHAT?  Have you NOT been listening?  Who in their right mind would think doing this liquid diet for an extended period of time and then going back to normal eating would be healthy????? They all forget that I have 100lbs to lose.  None of them, even though some have the same insurance I do that will pay for this procedure, have even considered doing it.  I know at least 4 have insurance that will pay for the band as well.  There are currently more people in my family with diabetes and high choleserol than without.  (even the aunt I was talking to) My grandfather had a quad bypass 2 years ago.  My biological father weighs over 400lbs and can hardly get around anymore due to the damage in his knees.  He's just barely in his 50s.  My mom had a stroke just a few weeks ago, right before her 50th birthday.  I lost "dad" (my step-father) to type 1 diabetes November 2004 at the age of 63, after countless surgeries whittling his feet away.  The day he died he had finally scheduled an amputation for his legs.  He went home and never got out of the truck. He went into insulin shock and died of complications before anyone found him.  How can my family STILL be so ignorant? I can say that my mom has come around to agreeing this is best.  My granny is also with me, but still clueless.  She'll be at the hospital with me, though. My biological father, I think, is waiting to see how my surgery goes before he decides to go ahead with it himself.  But honestly, his wife is also SMO and basicly feeds him to death.  I've seen her lay out 4 different types of pork at 1 meal.  A NORMAL meal.  I don't think she wants him to slim down even though he's diabetic with hypertension and high cholesterol and over 400lbs.  She's got to be around 300+ herself.   I'm not sure he COULD have this surgery and make it work. Oh well.  I year from now I'll have my body back and my life.  I'll be a new person...half the person but twice the woman. 

Maybe, just maybe, you can become an inspiration to your other family members and help them to embrace this tool to get their lives back too?

We can only hope and dream.  Wish you well on your journey.

My inlaws downed me for wanting the surgery.... I had to make myself to understand that I have to do whats best for me.. they will have to accept it even if they dont like it.

Sherri: It sounds like you know the answer to all of your questions.  This is the time in your life that you can be SELFISH.  You have to be!  In order for you to care for others, you have to care for yourself.  We (women) have been raised to be the caretakers and do things for others before we do them for ourselves.  But who is going to do them when we cannot because we are too unhealthy or (gasp) dead to do them. I know that is a harsh reality, but even though it will take me several years to finish paying off my own surgery, I have spent the last 18 months in better health and able to do more things with my grandchildren than I was ever able to do before!  I would do it all again if I had to!!   Your head is in the right place.  Unfortunately we cannot be assured on 100% agreement with those who we associate with.  There are too many things already written in the media that have caused so many bad feelings, yada yada yada.  However, with the proper support, medical and mental, you and the rest of us will be able to be successful for the rest of our lives! What others do is their choice.  If they want to watch you become healthy and still keep causing you issues, then you may have to break away from them until such time as they can at least be civil about it.  But you cannot be responsible for their choice.  You can direct them to the appropriate information, but don't expect them to embrace it. You need to be your own hero.  Anyone who considers this surgery - not just actually goes through it - but considers it, is a hero in my eyes.  It is extremely hard to find out so much about yourself and your hopes and dreams and then actually act them out.  So - you are my hero!   We are always here for your support!  Keep your chin up and keep moving toward your goals!  Fight on!!

I definately agree that you should be a role model for your family.... Work extra hard for you, and your family will most likely want to jump on the same ride you are taking. Good luck, just dont let them bring you down, Its ok to be selfish about something like this if you have to.

This is a cliche-but actions speak louder than words.  Show them with your actions that you have made the right decision for yourself.  It isn't being selfish to make the best decision you can for your body, it's just called being smart. I understand the feeling that you'd like to "show them the light" but it is truly something they'll have to come to themselves.  Having a good example like yourself may help them see.

Just know that we are here for you.  That's why finding a support group and coming here is so important.  Who better to understand what you are going through that a group of your peers. You know, they may never understand and they may never seem happy about the decision you are making.  But, you will and that is all that matters. We are all proud of you for taking control of your health! Tonja