Loving the liquid diet!

Day by day!  You're doing great.. I remember just wanting to lick everything that was being fixed for the rest of the family.  And I would say, can't I just chew it up and spit it out.  I wanted that good taste.  But, let me tell you, you are greatly rewarded in the end. I'm so proud of you. Keep posting like you are.  You are inspiring others! Tonja

Ok...really?  Have I really made it to day 4???  Yeppers! I was BAD yesterday.  I got busy busy busy and was out of the house.  Did I cheat?  Nope.  Instead all I had yesterday was 1 protien shake, 2 control bars, 2 20z crystal lights, and 1 20oz water.  I have GOT to make time to get those protien shakes in!  I was so starving lastnight. Today so far I've had 1 shake, 1 bar, 2 crystal lights.  I'm finding it easier and easier to go without anything than to have my full 3 shakes and 2 bars (last 2 days the bars aren't allowed).  I'm doing it though.  I'm really doing it!  The worst I've done is lick my fingers after touching my kids' food and that's just out of habit.  You do it before you even know you're going to. Let's see...side effects? Yesterday I got the shakes because I didn't drink my shakes.  My fault. There really isn't much in the way of poo anymore, TMI I know, because there's nothing going in.   On a brighter note, I have to pee all the time. My tummy has started to make grumbly noises like it's trying to carry on a conversation with my neighbors.  I'm afraid it might actually dial the phone in my sleep and report me for stomach abuse.  I'm in surprisingly good spirits aside from being easily annoyed.  I have to admit to spending more time than normal on here just to make sure I'm completely distracted at all times from thoughts of food.  Anyhow, it's time to go have another shake!

I finally got my Bariatric Surgery Guide for Gastric Bypass book.  Thanks to Laurell I knew to call and ask for it.  Dr W's patients don't usually get it until the day of their NUT class, but they agreed to send it to me early.  I'm SOOOOO glad.  Here I am at day 4 finally finding out fat free broth is ok. I can now have: apple juice broth crystal light sugar free jello !!! on top of my protien shakes and control bars I don't need the apple juice but the go ahead that I can have jello means a lot.   Just between you, me, and the fence post, I'd already had broth once because I knew some surgeons allow it.  I now know I don't have to feel guilty about it. Today I've now had 2 shakes 2 crystal lights 1 broth 1 control bar and sugar free cherry jello!!! Whooo-hooooo!  I feel like I won the lotto.  Who knew jello would be so good???

I have to tell you, and I'm laughing as I write this, your comment about "just between us" has actually probably been read by your surgeon.  They do read these message boards. But hey - you haven't done anything wrong!  They should have given you better instructions and not wait till after you have started the diet. You are doing awesome and a true inspiration.  I'm so proud of you! Tonja

That's how I feel about it.  I shouldn't have had to find out from someone I met on OH that there was a book with more pre-op instructions in it!  There's even breathing exercises in the book (which my surgeon wrote the book) that I'm supposed to do for the 10 days prior to surgery.  No one even mentioned.  If things had gone the way his office planned it, the exercises NEVER would have happened because I wouldn't have found out about them until the day before my surgery. So I guess I'm saying I hope he does read it.  I've found that I really sort of feel left out of the loop on this procedure.  There has been so much I've had to find out on my own that should have been told to me on my 1st visit.  Like, the magnesium citrate.  The paper says take it 2 days before surgery.  It doesn't say how much or where to get it.  I know I'm having an RNY, but still have no clue if it's proximital or distal or whatever.  I guess I don't get any input on that.  It's only my body. I've had to call twice to request papers or information that I found out about from other patients.   On top of that, every one talks about how he takes his time with patients.  I have told everyone honestly from the beginning that I felt he rushed me.  I was actually almost in tears in his office.  I was still talking and he was escorting me over to see Debbie already.  I know he was running behind that day, but I'm just as important as everyone who walked through those doors before me.   This site has offered me more support and information than I ever got from him or his staff.   At least if someone in his office reads this, they may realise that sometimes one of their patients slips through the cracks.  I know they're human and they care.  I know they have hundreds if not thousands of patients...but I only have 1 surgeon. I'm off my soapbox.   I didn't even realise I'd stepped up on it until about 2/3 the way through. I really do appreciate you guys and I don't doubt the skill of my surgeon.  A little more information from them would've been nice though. 

AND, there is only ONE YOU!  That's most important. I think you deserve to have his time so that you can get all of your questions answered.  There is no reason he can't give you 10 minutes of his time a few days before your surgery.  You need peace before your surgery.  Call tomorrow and see if he can see you.  I feel like you need answers.  This is a major surgery. I'm praying that you will receive the time, answers and peace that you deserve. Tonja

I'm pretty much at peace with the choice to have an RNY.  I like my surgeon's creditials and the reviews he's gotten from everyone else.  I'm hopefull that him being rushed was a 1 time thing.  I have 1 more appt before surgery and I intend to stand my ground until ALL my questions are answered.   I really feel like,  now that I've read the book containing pre-op, during, and post-op instructions for months out, my only real remaining question is what type of RNY does he think is best for me and why.  Personally, if I had to choose, I'd probably pick dystal (not sure I spelled it right).  But that's mainly because aerobic exercises will be difficult for me for the rest of my life due to some physical limitations from birth defects.  BUT I also may be just a bit of a light weight for something so extreme.  There's also osteoperosis and anemia to consider.  I have very heavy cycles that leave me weak.  I also already have degenerative bone disease in my ankle where the defects are.  Those are reasons to be concerned about excessive malabsorbtion (also a very very good reason for me, personally, to know the DS is not for me).   In the end, on type of RNY, I will defer to his experience and judgement, but I'd like to know the whys and whatfors of it.  I do feel I deserve to know.   Anyhow, today I've only squeezed in a shake so far.  I can say that I'm feeling a bit worn out today.  It was everything I could do to drag myself out of bed.  I was so tired lastnight I didn't do dishes or wipe anything down until this morning.  I'm wondering if this isn't caused by the severe change in diet.  I did squeeze in another bottle of water before bed lastnight, so I'm not too concerned it's dehydration. If I could just go to bed and stay there, I could probably sleep for 24 hours.  When my daughters go down for nap, I'll be napping too today.  Fortunately, I graded all my son's school work lastnight and lined out his lesson plan for today.  He's in 7th grade so he can work independantly today.  We sat down and discussed is questions in every subject lastnight as well and talked about the work he'd be doing today, so I think he's good.  He knows where to find me if he's got a question though. Anyhow, I'm going to make sure I get all 3 protien shakes today.  Maybe I won't lay in bed at night dreaming of buffalo wings again.   Monday the 3rd I have a meeting in a cafe.  NOT looking forward to that.  They said it was a coffee shop, but then they said the name and that place serves lunch and dinner, too.  I'll be taking my protien shake and a bar with me.  The people I'm meeting with don't really have a thought in their heads about other people.  Even though I protested that I CAN'T EAT, they said "oh well, you can drink".  At least one of the people has a HUGE thumb on our lives right now (military thing) so I don't feel I can out and out refuse. I've got to go grocery shopping for my family tonight.  I don't think that will be too hard.  I'm buying mostly frozen convienence foods, can goods, and produce so that DH and my oldest son will be able to feed the kids while I'm gone or recouperating.  I'll also be getting a few of the things for my post-op life.  There is a list of stuff to bring to the hosptial and stuff to have on hand for those first 2 weeks as food. It's actually kind of exciting!  I'm half way there! 

Well, I just finished my first trip to the grocery store since starting the liquid diet.  I didn't realise how hard it would be.  I survived though.  I "treated" myself to a apple juice (as stated on pg 6 under bowel prep for the pre-op diet).  I stopped shopping when the thought of how easy it would be to hit a fast food place on the way home became so overpowering.  It's amazing the inner dialogue you'll have with yourself.  "it's ok" "just once" "no one will know"  But the truth is that YOU will know and JUST ONCE leads to just once more.  It was getting very very hard to ignore the inner dialogue so I headed for the checkout.  As soon as I got home I made a protien shake in the form of hot cocoa and let my husband and oldest son carry in all the groceries.   Oh the foods I saw at the store!!!!!  It's gotta be like heroine.  I know I'm beginning to feel like an addict going through DTs.   I never really considered myself a binge eater until today.  I may not have binged regularly, but I saw in myself today, the ability to do so.  I KNEW that if I had a bite I'd have all I could cram into myself.  That could be because I'm so hungry or because I'm more deprived now than I've ever been, because I've NEVER felt that way until today.  All I know is I almost didn't win. I didn't get everything I needed.  I'll be making a comprehensive list and sending my husband tomorrow to get the rest.   Please tell me this compulsion gets easier to deal with post op after you start adding food. My mind is dancing around with thoughts of food right now as I type.  I can almost taste it.  I'm so crazy hungry.  But I haven't come this far to fail.  I'm going to call it an early night tonight and, God willing, I'll wake with renewed motivation and strength. I'm going to drink 1 more bottle of water just for good measure.  Wow, day 5.....a rough one.

Day 6?  Is it really?  I can't see the calendar from here.   I forgot I had to work a volunteer function today.  I've been standing in the food court of our PX (like a mall) from 9am-1pm.  I did bring a shake, a bar, and a bottle of crystal light.  There I was surrounded by sub shops, pizza, burger king and more.  I was so good.  BUT BUT BUT (there's almost always one) Now I'm an emotional wreck.  I held it together and worked.  We were wrapping Christmas presents for donations.  But there were some high ranking people there working with me, so I didn't let anyone know how hard it was for me.  I came home and started to tell my husband about how great it went and I just started crying.  It's so hard.  I'm not physically hungry at this moment because I just drank another shake, but my head is starting to ache.  I want food so bad.  I feel so weak as far as will power goes. For now, I'm going to take a short nap.  During dinner time, I'm going to go get my nails done.  That way I won't be home while the family is eating.  Tonight after, I'll be taking a bubble bath.  I'm just so broke down that the last place I need to be is in the kitchen at all.  I feel like I could still just cry and cry.  I know it's the build up of emotions towards the upcomming surgery as well as being deprived of my favorite addiction. It may seem a minor thing, but it really is a lot to go through.  It's a lot to make the choice to have this surgery.  It's a lot to stand there and tell your family, your surgeon, the world that you need help.  It's a lot to step up and decide you're worth it.  It's a lot to know you've picked a surgeon that you can trust.  It's a lot to step away from your food addiction for the days prior to surgery.  It's a lot to know that something this big is comming and it's going to change your life.  (especially when your life centers around food) It's a lot to deal with and maybe it's ok to cry.

Bless your heart!  I so feel for you.  It is a major decision you are making - but of course - one of the greatest you will ever make. Just know that we are here for you! Sending lots of prayers for strength and peace! Tonja