How do you make your family agree with surgery????

How do you make your family see this is the best thing for you? I am very lucky because my husband supports me, but my parents are totally against it. I mean I'm 29 so I don't need their approval but I'm really close to them and they are really against this! They say it will shorten my life span!!!! So won't being fat. All they know about is the negitive, the complications. I've tried to explain to them that it's on the rare end but they just don't want to hear it. They say their aganist it and that's that! It just makes me so upset, they tell me if I would just stop eating so much I could lose the weight. Yeah it's that easy!!! I just was wondering if anyone else has gone threw this or if someone has any advise. Thanks so much. ~Kim

Kim, It is so hard when you are so excited and your family is not behind you. Be thankful that you have your husbands support. Keep going and when you parents see how happy and how much healthier you are after surgery they will be more understanding. Let them know that trying to do this on your own you have a lesse than 15% chance of being sucessful.. with WLS you have a 75% chance. You are so young, I think you are very smart to have surgery before you begin to have weight related health problems. You could also take them to your Dr. appts and support groups with you . Seeing others who have gone thru this may change their minds. And if nothing else, you will always have the support of everyone here on this site..... stay positive....diane

Kim, with a BMI under40 it may be hard to get approved with out any comorbids... do you have any wt caused health problems now?? Diane is right, it just gets worse as you age... do it now if you can. The surgery complictions are more of a risk the higher your BMI... so are your risk of getting all the weight induced diseases... You know what is best for you... I have tried since I was a teenager to loose, I'm 49 now.. I wish I had considered this much sooner.. Good luck... Blessings to you! pam

Thank you for all of your support. I really love this web site and have learned so much here. Pam, yes I do have problems and that's the problem. They are all weight induced. I never had any problems untill I started gaining weight. I have HBP, GERD, degenertive disc disease, prolapse disc..... The list goes on. I really have thought about doing this because I am young and can bounce back faster then if I wait. My parents are heavy, I know what I'm looking at. More problems as time goes on. Thanks again for all your support, I really don't know where I would be with out this web site and everyone on here. ~Kim

Hi Kim Always remember that your family loves you very much and are truely afraid for you. The fact is this surgery is not without risk, but I feel today is the best time in the world to do it. We have the most experienced well trained bariatric surgeons around. I have had the privilege of getting to know many of them, not to mention attending surgery watching a few of them work. Our families fears stem from lack of knowledge of todays procedures. Things have changed a great deal from the stomach stapling done in the 80's even 90's..laparoscopic procedures have lessened infection rates..companies like Ethicon, Auto Suture, Synovis Surgical, Gore, etc .etc are constantly working on new instrumentation and procedures to make this as well as many other surgeries safer, just since I got involved in advocate work over a year ago I have seen so many changes made. and the fact that many of our young surgeons are incredibly talented and very much into health and nutrition..constantly striving to improve the health of their patients long term..That is a far cry from the surgeons who performed this procedure 20 yrs. ago...heck even 5 yrs. ago! The "centers" today have an incredible staff working with them who are well trained and know what to look for. For example--I have only watched one surgeon perform an open procedure, the ones I recommend ( like Dr. Curry from Cinci, or Dr. Sonnanstine of N. KY, Dr. Schumacher in Dayton..as well as the two surgeons I spend time with in Georgetown,Ky-Dr. WEiss and Dr. Oldham, and so many more that I can't name then all) focus on bariatrics, so they are well trained in laparoscopic procedures and are constantly striving to improve..during your hospital stay they are checking on you constantly, the nurses on the floor are specially trained in bariatrics. I am not saying there are no risk involved, there are risk in removing a toe nail if you are under anesthesia. But the risk of surgery outweighed my risk of being obese.. I had diabetes, high blood pressure and had already lost a kidney due to complications of my obesity..(long story), since my WLS I have had "NO " complications or illnesses and am off most medications. Also Kim, do know this is a life changing surgery..you must be prepared and well educated before you continue. One of the biggest reasons to pick an excellent facility and surgeon! Well I guess my passion about WLS surgery comes streaming out my mouth and fingers when I see someone seeking help and knowledge..I am not a medical person, but I am a patient and I truely believe in WLS..I also believe in the many surgeons who love their work so much they want to be the best!! Love your family for being afraid but at the same time help educate them ...do this for you, prove it was the right thing to do by being compliant and successful..I suggest to anyone searching to chose a center that has a strong after care program.. in my opinion this is a must for success! you will do great, if I can help with anything at all please email me direct. Brenda Patient Advocate, Surgeon Liaison, Events specialist

Kim, You cant make your family agree with the surgery, but as long as you know with all your heart and soul its what you want you go for it anyhow. My family in Cols ( not my kids) were all very much against it.. They thought I would die during surgery, I was selfish and vain, I was taking the easy way out.. They knew someone who had it.. blah blah blah.. They had a hundred reasons why they chose to not support me. So I had my ex husband drop me off at the hospital that morning and did it all on my own. No one from my family knew I was there or that I had it for months. Until I started looking and feeling better.. Then I fessed up and they were so happy that I took the chance and did it. SInce that time I have had nothing but positive support from them. So give them some time to adjust and in time they may be your biggest cheering section. They are just afraid of losing you and stuffing you with food for their own comfort. Its a big adjustment for them too. Hang in there Kim. If you want it.. Go for it. Love and hugs Laura

Kim, YOu want them to give you there support , but you don't need it. My wife kept telling me I was not going to get gastric bypass. I told her it was with or without her. Not that I wanted to give up on my marriage. No one can tell you how you feel. This is your decision and yours alone. You must take into consideration your family but ultimately it is your decision. It is a tough one to make. Now my family is happy for me and we walk together and eat the sme way. They have fears also and you must think about there fears but this is about you now. Take control of your life whether they agree or not. My wife is about 120 pounds and didnt see me as big until I put the gown on at the hospital. THat is when she said she realized how big I was. From then on out she was supportive of me. I am sure they will come around, it will take some time. Richard

Well, I had a supportive hubby, scared mother, relieved father, and some very opinionated aunts and uncles. If you are close to your parents, send them as much information as possible to show them that you're not making any hasty decisions and have put a lot of thought into it.

Thank you everyone for your imput. I have learned alot and got some good ideas. I really appreciate everyone looking out. This is a great web site and FAMILY. It's really nice to have people who care!

This was very hard for me also... I went through a time when my parents didnt talk to me... I am a only child and I am extremely close with my parents... This hurt so bad... Then I had to stop and think... I wasn't doing this for my parents, for my husband, for my children... I was doing this for Paula... I knew that I could die from this...I was told that over and over... but lets face it, I was dying anyway from being overweight...I made my mind up that I didnt care what anyone told me I was going to do this and I could handle anything that came my way... The best thing you could do it EDUCATE your family... alot of people have negative things to say about this surgery because they aren't educated... If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have told anyone except my husband... you get so many negative responses when you tell people... I almost let it change my mind... I am so glad I didnt...Now my family is very supportive even to the point my mother wants the surgery... her insurance doesnt cover it or she would have had it by now... Keep reaching for the stars and keep your head high... you are about to take an awesome ride called LIFE...