Poof..

One minute my posts are here and the next they are gone.. I feel totally invisible today. Anyone else having this problem tonight?? Laura

I am responding to my own post to see if it really there. I am really getting a complex thinking someone is deleting my posts ... BIG HUGS Laura

Hi Laura, BTW I enjoyed the pictures you sent! You are whacky aren't you! I am seeing your post! Didn't see anything else from you though! Sue

Well, Laura, I remember your picture from last night, and I certainly remember your name, so that must mean *something's* coming through.

I have got to get a new pic. I have lost so much weight since this one.. But at least I am smiling in this pic. My first pic was so mean and grumpy looking. I could tell just how unhappy and miserable I was. Thank God I was able to have this miraculous surgery and get to this better place in my life. Big Hugs, Laura

BTW today is the Six month anniversary of my surgery.. So its kind of my rebirthday!!!! I was just thinking at one time I would of been ashamed to post my original weight of 310 pounds. But now, I am proud to admit where I was and how far I have come with Gods help and the support of this wonderful group.. Special thanks go out to you all... Love and hugs Laura 310/167/130

Laura, I chose to have my surgery on November 18th, my *mother's* birthday. I thought it would be great if next year we could celebrate our birthdays together...her birthday and my "rebirthday." I thought I was so clever with that thinking, and here you beat me to it!

I had posted about being down in the dumps about what WOULD of been my 25th wedding anniversary. I have had so many wonderful days since having my surgery and getting healthy again, and have had very few down moments. But today has been a blue day for me thinking of being alone in my life right now. I had the surgery first and foremost for the sake of my health and family and my future. But I am a human being and feel the need to have someone Love me and think I am the most important person on this earth. Part of me hoped that If I lost the weight that finally someone would see what is inside of me. Horrible as it is, the truth is most men/women will only take a second look at what sparks their physical interest first. If you dont catch their eye you dont have a chance for them to get to know the real Beauty you possess. Even at 310 pounds I was Lovable, honest and worth getting to know. But I was invisible. I am sorry that I am having my pity party today and know tomorrow will be a better day. I just dont understand why my post about this was deleted. I guess one isnt allowed to have a down day, and we arent allowed to be human and want to find someone who sees something special in you. Thanks for listening. Laura

Laura, there are many people who feel much the same way as you. I know I do, and I'm married. My husband is a wonderful provider and father to our children, but unfortunately, well, 22 years is a long time. I am hoping this surgery will maybe spark his interest in me again as a lover, but I think what scares me the most is that it will not, kwim? Anyway, wanting to be loved, and loved *unconditionally*, is the most basic of human emotions. It runs so deep as to actually remain raw when that need has gone unmet. There's not much in the way of balm to sooth when it seems that loneliness is your constant companion. I will tell you this, though, and I'm sure you've heard it a hundred times. You need to love yourself before someone else will love you. You need to find the specialness in you before someone else does. When you find it, you show it, it sparkles in your eyes and others can see it. It's so hard when for so long you've only focused on your failures. Six months is not a long time for recovery in that area. You need to start loving yourself, and I mean really loving yourself, doing things for yourself, things that you *want* to do, not things that you think you should do or what other people have told you to do. Do things that actually make you happy, that you look forward to. You may find that loneliness is your companion less and less, and feeling special to yourself may be as important to you as feeling special to someone else. Patience, friend. Sooth yourself right now. Crying is a great way to cleanse the stress hormones from your system. You do know that you're special and worthy. Now just rest in the knowledge that somewhere there *is* someone somewhere who knows it too, he just doesn't know you yet because he hasn't found you. Peace ~Laura

Laura, Your words have touched me more than you will ever know, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for you taking the time to write them. I think you told me just what I needed to hear. And that I really am a baby at this.. I am growing each and every day and discovering life as a new person. I have been overweight since I can ever remember. I recall being in second grade and having my father ask me to leave the house and go play with friends because his family was visiting from California. He was ashamed to have a fat daughter, so he wanted me gone. I never felt good enough because of my weight issues. So you are so right, I do need to find out what I want to be when I grow up. When my brain catches up with my new body. Thank you for giving me a little attitude adjustment that I needed. I am going to grab my protein shake and head to relax in my room.. Time for some MAD Tv and some laughter. Big Hugs, Laura