why and how did we get like this

Cindy I am a preop also, I am 33 and I weigh 258lbs, my surgery is next Tuesday. I also feel like I have missed out on some things in life, things that would've been soooo much more enjoyable if I hadn't been so heavy/unhealthy. I let depression get the best of me and I found myself eating to comfort myself which in reality made my weight increase and cause my depression to grow. I realize now that I must not let my weight bother me or bring me down but it took counseling, and the hope that I may qualify for this wonderful surgery, to pull me out of that slump. In the last two months I have safely weaned myself off of several depression meds. I told Dr. Mikami yesterday that the hope of this surgery alone was self medicating and I feel great. I'm being given a tool to help myself be healthy and live again and I will not let this pass me by!!! I think that you have done a wonderful job and you must use your hope to get you back on track. Life is to short to let the past cloud our future. Keep up the great work you are doing. Just look to the future and think of all the great things you CAN do!! Vent when you want I'll listen honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hugs Josie

cindy...i think that the retrospect that you are going thru is a natural part of our healing and growing-i think you need to learn to accept that you made mistakes in past- and continue to thank God that you have been able to move forward-and then--move forward!!!!!! i am not bashing- i merely have learned-for myself anyways, that we must not dwell on the bad...the poor choices..the shouldofdones, etc--and we must move on to grab all of those brass rings that are put before us! me...i'm reaching!!!i have regained some and it has me realy wonko but i am trying to get self back on track!!!!!!only i can do this..... an occasional pity party is ok so long as there is not frosting laden cake involved! now-brush yourself off and get out there gf!!!!!! disclaimer-i often find that our typed words on these boards are misunderstood-when we put ourselves "out here" we open up to any and all-good or bad-agreement or otherwise-these words are just MY opinion...

Cindy, I realized since I began losing weight that I not only wasted a good portion of my life being obese, but cheated my kids out of a mom who had enough energy to keep up with them. I cheated them out of a mom who knew the value of good nutrition and exercise. And by the grace of God now, I am working on making this all up to them. No more unhealthy runs through the drive thru. If they eat out, its a healthier choice than the triple whopper with cheese. And they all are losing weight and becoming healthier as well. I knew I was doing damage to my own body and self esteem by feeding my food addiction. I just didnt realize how much it affected those around me. Now onto the subject of plastic surgery. Yes you have been blessed that you can afford to have those things done. And early into my weight loss I would of stood on my soap box and said. No Way would I ever be that vain to try and have anything done. I will just be so happy to lose the weight who cares about loose skin. But as I have lost 130 pounds now in 5 months. I am beginning to think ahead, and know that the surgeries arent all about cosmetics. As I work out now, when I run my tummy bounces and causes pain in my lower back, it adds extra weight and makes me feel unclean at times ( even with 2 showers a day). So for me the tummy tuck or panniculectomy will not be a vanity issue, it will be done somehow so I can continue to strengthen my body without pain. The only reason I would have my arms done is so I would feel comfortable enough in a bathing suit to keep doing my water aerobics without the angel wings flopping in the breeze. Tommorow is my 5 month anniversary and my feelings have changed drastically on the subject of plastics. I was wrong to think that people only had the surgeries out of sheer vanity. It many times is just to be able to move comfortably and continue on the positive course they have set for themselves. I may never ever be able to afford it and will have to just settle for a tight girdle to keep the belly in place, but if I had the chance to get the tummy tuck and arms done by some miracle. I would do it in a heartbeat. And I am sure people will slam me for saying this. But I Love to swim and exercise now and the excess skin is already starting to get in the way of that. And to me thats reason enough to have it done. Looking better is just a wonderful perk. After 5 c sections and a hysterectomy there isnt really too much I can do to firm that area up and its heading south more by the day. So far the legs are doing great and the Girls up north have risen and are almost perky again..LOL Cindy, You have done the right thing for you, and I am proud of you for examing how you got obese. I know your post helped me remember the closet compulsive overeating I would do. No one would of ever seen me eat the huge amounts of food I would eat. I would be so excited when I knew the kids would be going to their dads for the weekend. I could plan an eating frenzy and then sleep it off, and start all over again. An entire weekend wasted with fast food, gallons of pepsi, ice cream sundaes. You name it I would gorge on it. I was self medicating for all the hurts in my life. On top of that I would take sleeping pills or benedryl to keep me numb when I wasnt eating. I thank God each and every day that I awoke from that insanity. I think we have to look back every now and then to see where we have been, feel that pain we caused ourselves and others and Vow to never allow ourselves to go there again. We have the tool within us to help us avoid the overeating, But we are the only ones who can control those feelings and reasons that we binged and secretly ate. I thank you for bringing up such a good discussion. I needed the reminder of how far I have come, yet how fragile I still am in my recovery from the food addiction. I am still one handfull of crunchy munchie snacks away from a mini binge. I have to remember the pain, remember how I cheated my kids out of having a healthy active mom to keep from going there again. Thank you for your Post.. I really really really needed it just at the right time. I Love you very much Miss Cindy, You have been a dear sweet friend to me and I wish you nothing but the very best in your recovery from surgery and your continued success in beating the demon of food addiction. Go towards the light.. Stay away from White Castles.. Love and lots of big Bear hugs, Laura

am definately happy with this surgery. I just wish I had more control over my body when I was younger. I think we all have regrets that we couldnt take control of our obsession with food much earlier in our lives. I feel like I really did misuse the time God has given me on this earth. By eating compulsively, lying to myself and others about just how much I was eating. The food journal spelled it out in black and white and I was mortified, how many calories I was stuffing into my mouth. I feel so ashamed that I didnt teach my children a healthier lifestyle and they have all struggled with weight issues as well. We all self medicated with hot fudge sundaes when their dad and I were having marriage problems. I have a lot of wrongs to right and time to make up for. My son and I have been playing catch and tossing the football around. He is amazed that mom can do these things now. And sometimes I see it in his eyes that he has really missed this. It was three years ago that he wanted me to ride the son of beast with him.We waited in line and he was so excited that mom was brave enough to go. Little did he know my heart was racing, because I suspected I wouldnt fit. And I didnt want to let him down or embarrass him. When it was my turn the bar wouldnt close. Two male employees were sent to try and force the bar closed. Jumping and pushing, but no luck. So I had to walk off the ride and left my son there to ride alone. I know I hurt him and embarrassed him, and felt horrible. But to numb that pain it was off to the funnel cakes and more soda pop. When I was able to take him this summer to Kennywood and ride every coaster with him, he seemed so proud. He seemed so relaxed and happy knowing that there would be no repeats of the stuffing incident. I can never repay him for the pain and embarrassment I caused him. I can just keep that pain fresh in my mind, and know each and every day I must work to keep from ever going back there. Not only for my family but myself. I love the self confidence the weight loss has given me back. A feeling that I can do anything I set my mind and body to do. A hope for a future I was sure I wasnt going to have. I thought I would never see my son graduate from High school and now I am looking forward to seeing my grandson grow up and graduate, and get married and give me great grandbabies. I now know how precious life is, and that WE have a responsibility to ourselves and those we love to take care of the body we have been given. We all possess this incredible tool of wls inside of us and it is our duty to make it work to the best of its ability. Those of us who have been fortunate and blessed enough to have it owe it to ourselves to exercise and eat right, we cannot throw this gift away. Think of all the others out there who are struggling for approval, they would give anything to be in our place. So we owe it to them too to make it work. We are their inspiration and their reason to hope it can happen for them someday too. Its our responsibility to keep cheering them on and help give them courage to keep jumping through the hoops to approval and their surgery date. Then someday they carry the torch and become examples of hope and courage for someone else.. I know this is long winded, but I felt so inspired by Cindy's post this morning that I had to put some words down. I Love you all and have a great day.. For the post ops, Count your blessings , and you preops Never lose faith this can happen for you. lap RNY 310/178/140

Laura, I love the inspiration you bring me and I appreciate it. You summed up the feelings of just about every person on this journey! THANK YOU!!! Josie

Cindy, Your post yesterday touched me more than you will ever know. I think it came just at the right time. I hadnt realized it since I am still losing weight well. But I was slipping back into some old habits. A little stress eating and a little too much snacking. It wasnt what I was eating but the WHY I was eating. Your post zapped me back to the reality that this WLS is really just a tool and I am in the honeymoon period. I still have eating issues to deal with so when the tool begins to lose its effectiveness I am ready to do this on my own. I want to thank you for being honest with your feelings. I have seen too many people sugarcoat this journey and make it seem like a fairytale. I too have been guilty of that at times. It is a roller coaster ride within itself. Some days are wonderful and some days I am sad and down. But It helps to know I am not alone with these feelings. Life is never going to be perfect even when I am a size 8. Life is always going to be filled with joyful perfect moments and lots of pain. WLS doesnt make everything all better. But it has given me my sanity and my life back. It has helped me cope with the down times much better and not sink as low as I had in the past. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with the group. Love ya Laura

Cindy, Now is not the time to live in regrets, but to live in the enjoyment of what you can do NOW! You've got a lot more living to do and plenty of time to make up for the lost time, so don't let it get you down, dear. I'm only 35 and my surgery is November 1st, only 3 weeks away. I've already heard "You're too young, your body is still resiliant enough to shed this weight with diet and exercise"....blah blah blah....and you know what? I've put aside the guilt of all of the diet failures and stopped beating myself up over all of that. I am now taking my life into control again and doing what I can to be healthy now before too much time passes me by. You are empowered now, Cindy. Try to look at yourself that way. Valerie

You are so right. I am moving on now. Good luck on your surgery and we will be here for you all the way.Cindy