Things I hated about being Fat.

1) walking anywhere was a chore. Getting from the Handicapped spot to my scooter in Walmart about did me in. I would have chest pains and be so out of breath. 2) Feeling fatigued all of the time and having to take 2-3 naps a day to get through the day 3) Not ever being sure where I would fit.. In a chair, booth, roller coaster Being so mortified if I didnt fit, and feeling like crying 4) Having to wear size 30/32 clothing and they were getting tight on me. 5) Hurting all of the time.. Carrying around 310 pounds on a 5"2 body that has Rh. My poor joints couldnt bear the load anymore and I was in constant pain. I was walking less and less and eating more and more. 6) seeing the look in my sons eyes when I would show up for his games and practices. How I would struggle just to get to the bleachers and then if I had to climb. I felt like everyone was watching me.. But not in a good way 7) Binging on food privatly. Not wanting anyone to know I overate like a pig. SO the world would think it was just some reaction to a medication I was taking. Of course steroids made me blow up like a blowfish. But I was still stuffing way too much fast food into my gizzard, lol Eating so much and then feeling so guilty and ashamed. I would have to get rid of the evidence by hiding it in the trash can. 8) I was so jealous of thin people who seemed to be able to eat anything and I swore ate more than me. But once I started keeping my food journal ( HONESTLY) I saw that I was easily consuming 5000 calories a day. 9) Not being able to feel hugs anymore. I was so big around, no one could get a good squeeze on me. I am a very huggy person, and I was sensory deprived of that wonderful feeling. 10) Just feeling sick and tired all of the time. It was a feeling of overwhelming sadness that I could never escape. It wasnt like a cold you could take nyquil for and get over it. It was going to take an act of God and medical science to help me find my way out of this misery. Every day I thought about dying. How someday my kids were going to find me dead from a heart attack or fall or having choked on something I was devouring. 11) Losing my self esteem and pride in myself. I no longer cared what I dressed in, if my makeup was done, no nail polish, I just wanted to be invisible and thats pretty much impossible at 310 pounds. I made quite an appearance.. LOL 12) The fat made me give up on a lot of my precious dreams I had for myself. I would give up before I could get started. I always thought who would really want me working for them. How could I go back to working in the ICU when I was so fat, I couldnt reach over the patient anymore. 13) I hated being the biggest person at every function, resturant, family get together. And then being told.. "Oh you have such a pretty face, its just a shame you let this happen to you". And then even worse when you would go to a buffet or covered dish dinner at church. Everyone in the place would be watching what you put on your plate. So of course they could say, Yeppers, thats why she is so fat, look how she eats. BUT NO MORE.... I have made a vow first to God ( Because he gave me this chance to change) that I will do everything within my power ( with his help) to meet my goal and use this tool for its intended purpose for all the days of my life. I have also promised myself that I would exercise and eat right every day. This Precious Precious gift of Life that I have been given will not be abused or ignored. I will do my best to work hard to attain those goals I put off because of my weight. I have to face the fears,,sadness, boredom, anger, unhappiness in a more positive way instead of turning to food. Its all about balance now, and feeling so positive about myself that I no longer abuse my poor body. I pray that I have the strength to never give in to temptation to fall back into my old habits. I thank you all for listening. I hope you can come up with your own list. You have to know where you came from to know where you want to go.. So lets hear from preops and post ops. Lots of Love and Hugs Dory...( swim Dory Swim)

I can totally relate to what you have written and to know that I can now do the things that I only used to dream about makes my life seem like sunshine all of the time now. My attitude about just about everything has changed and I can see a future now where I never could before. No one who has never been overweight can understand the fear, frustrations and pain that we have all endured. I have my own list that I look at now and cross things off that I want to do as I have achieved them. Keep up the good work Laura! We've all walked in your shoes in one way or another. Now I'm just so damn happy that I smile all of the time. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God and my angel for watching over me and giving me this second chance at a new life, for which I am eternally grateful. Happy Happy Me!

Laura, girlfriend, how are you? I read the above and I, too, suffered from many of the afflictions you mentioned. I never made it to the scooter set, but I was a definite lumberer. Ya know? The ones who walk and sway from side to side? But no more! Those days are gone for both of us and we are beautiful women, dammit. I am so proud of you and how far you have come. What a strong woman you are and an asset to not only this messageboard, but to your kids. God Bless ya! Love, Suzie

Well hello Laura. I love reading what you have to write. You have become such a positive person in the last year. You have become such a great support here at AMOS. It seems like things are looking up for you. I am so happy to see you being so positive. I knew you would do great. Friends always, Richard

Laura, You are doing great. I am so happy for you. You are now doing things you love and enjoying life. So POSITIVE !!!!!!!!! I cant wait to feel like you .