OT - But Help!

I'm stressed! Since I've had surgery, my 13 yr old has become obsessive about food. He eat's non-stop. Even at my heaviest I didn't eat like this. From the time he walks in the door until bedtime he's munching something. Then he falls asleep until I get home from work and tell him wake up or you won't sleep tonight. Mind you now that I don't buy junk to tempt me. But he still manages to make good food, unhealthy. Not so much as that as it is the non-stop. He's gained a lot of weight since my surgery. (5'8 210+ lbs now) I know he does it partly out of boredom. But he's lost all interest in doing "things". He's got about a bike, skates, all kinds of new workout equipment (we made an agreement to work out together, but when I'm ready, he falls asleep) he's got friends, but they live 3 blocks away, since we moved this has really put him in a funk. He shows signs of depression, but has a FIT when I try to put him in counseling and if I get him there, he just sits and ignores anything that is said to him, trying to get him to talk. He's very bright, but isn't applying himself. He lies about his food intake... No he's not on drugs. Even as a parent if I think he isn't... I know he isn't, because I have seen it all too often. You would think seeing me eat more healthier it would have a positive effect on his behavior. As I said i don't buy the junk, he still finds a way... He's ADHD w/turrets.. (not a cusser) but in order to keep his mouth quiet at school, he's allowed to chew gum, which he sells and then goes and buys pop, candy... not a lot, but it's something everyday. Then if he don't have $ his about only friend brings him "junk". The only friend he really goes visits with family always invites him to dinner when he is there... and it's usually fast food. Tonight I got frustrated with him, as always when I'm cooking dinner, he's eating. I kinda blew my top (not loudly, but he knew I wasn't happy) As I was cleaning up from dinner, I noticed more things he had eaten before I was home. First I told him he was grounded from eating except for mealtimes, but I rescinded that and told him now I want him to write down EVERY thing he eats. I doubt if he does it, but I will encourage him and show him fitday.com. G-D I love my son, he's troubled and I can't seem to help him. I'm at the end of my rope trying to figure out what will motivate him, inspire him, get him moving again. This WAS my overactive child! He was so into sports just a year ago, but I guess he realized I liked going as much as he did. I was hoping he would inspire me, but that isn't happening! I cannot sit still - I'm the one with way more energy now! Maybe I'm the one to blame, maybe I nag too much, maybe... maybe, I'm just doing this all wrong. This single parenting is a hard road for sure and he has never known his deceased father. Ok sorry for the long rant, but I seriously need some idea's here. Please no flaming, no bashing, no nuthin but helpful idea's. PLEASE! I don't think I could take a bashing right now. Crying here... he went up to his room, angry with me because I tryed to talk to him about this. I'm stressed! But need to try and sleep now, I will look for any helpful idea's and advice manana. hugs and prayers,

First things first... ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I have done the single parent thing, so I know your pain. I would never ever bash you and G-D help the soul who does, because I think they would have a lot of us to contend with. I don't know if I have any good solid advice, other than maybe you go to a psychologist and explain what is going on and see what their input is. You guys have both been through a lot lately. He still needs those boundaries mom, rough as it may be, and I know how hard it is being the good guy/bad guy by yourself, you gotta set the rules and stick to them. He's signaling in his own way that he needs help. You need to find a counselor that he can open up with, it may take a couple of tries, but he is wanting you to set those boundaries even though he is acting just the opposite. Don't forget to take care of you too sweetie. You could use to have a good counselor too. We can all talk about what our experiences are, etc. But having a non biased professional listen to your situation would be the best thing. They can offer guidance and maybe help find some support groups to help you two work it out. He may not want your help, but he's needing it, and he will thank you for it in the long run. Just remember we all love ya here! Val

Thanks I really needed that. That is another thing my child/man won't give me either. Gosh his brother was NEVER like this. Different kids, different personalities.. for sure. I know he loves me.. but ^*% dangit! My son, IS going back to counseling, whether he likes it or not. His meds WILL be reviewed. But he's been on this one since b4 the food/weight problem. I'm also going to enforce the tough love with him. Not so much on the food, but with other things he's trying "to push his limits with". I love him too dang much for him to drag himself into a hole. Only thing is the battle con'd this morning. He got up for school, laid back down on the couch, and there he still is. I came home from work because I was physically ill today with stress. Maybe that's why he is still sleeping ... stress. prayers and hugs

Vickie, I don't know how much help I can be (I have 2 daughters) but I know that they went through a lot at that age! Hormones are raging and they don't know how to deal with them! I am sure it is the same with boys. Grades start to slip.....I got very, very ignorant...not them.....me! At least that's the way I felt. Hang in there! Like Val said set the boundries and stick to them! He will test you every chance he gets! He doesn't know if he wants to be a little boy or a man and he isn't ready to make that decision yet! The best thing I did with my girls was to take them in the car for a ride....they had to talk to me and couldn't escape! Maybe it was mean? but it worked! There was usually something underlying that was bothering them and when there were no distractions from the telephone or t.v. or sibling they would talk. I always hated to end the ride.......sometimes I couldn't get home fast enough but I can now say that they are 28 and 30 and no long behave like they did when they were 13! Remember you have a lot of people here who love you and are more than willing to listen! Sue

Thank you so much for your imput! ::wishing I could throw them dang hormones OUT the window:: Your right he is not sure where he's at, a little boy or a man. or even where he wants to be. We do the van.. but he sits WAY in the back and only grunts in reply. *sigh* ?wanna son? LOL I only want to trade him off till he's over this. haha He's been through a heck of a lot in the past year and a half. We moved, a whole 3 blocks from where he grew up, (big whoop, i ride my hoopty down there (bike)) His brother was forced to move out of our house, because of getting in trouble with the law, he was 12 when it happened, but the courts DID NOT sentence him until he was almost 18. My lease says "no felons" so that really hurt my younger son and I. Then my neice who is disabled, fell outta her wheelchair at her sisters wedding, she was pretty messed up, Nick took this hard too. Me working, never here when he gets home since we moved. Then in Nov, I had my surgery, almost died and that did not help matters in the least bit. There's more, but i just can't think of them at the moment. Been a trying last couple of years on us. We will get through this! hugs and prayers

Vicky, Have they recently evaluated the meds he's on? A young lady in our neighborhood also has ADHD and Tourettes. During her adolescence, she gained an incredible amount of weight and just wanted to eat non-stop. Eventually, she became depressed and didn't want to get out of bed. They changed her medications and she's now a different person. She lost over 100 pounds, and is active and happy again. This may not be the case with your son, but I thought perhaps it was worth mentioning. Hang in there and best of luck. Your new pic is wonderful and it sounds like you're doing great!!!!!!! Nancy

next Dr appt, I will insist they review his meds. That Dr knows and is also concerned about his weight. BTW, thank you about my pic, for the most part I am doing wonderful, just got some stress issues (13 yr old) to contend with. hugs and prayers,

Vicki,you look wonderful. Your son,mmmmmI dont get it. I know when my kids were that age they didnt come out of there rooms until they got married lol.He will be fine. Yesterday I heard on TV just buy low calorie and put it eye level to the kids. They seem to go for whats easier to grab. Good luck and dont worry and nag him to much,like you said,hes 13. Whenever anyone nagged me I kept eating more.Love,Cindy

Thank you Cindy, for saying I look wonderful, I feel much better too! Today I was so stressed and he missed school, that I came home from work. So we went grocery shopping...(wadda choice huh) I let him pretty much take the wheel, he made good food choices. Then when we got home I asked him to go with me on the bike trail near our house ( i won't go alone, it's not the best area and a lot of woods.. also half decomposed body was found in the area JUST YESTERDAY! ) So anyways, HE went... and happily too! We rode and rode, well about 2.5 miles, but considering this is my 1st time in a bike in OMG A LOT OF Years! We ended up having a great day! Talked, not so much about food, but just stuff. OH yeah I bought him some roses also today, just because I LOVE HIM! I ended up buying myself some, because I love me too! Now I got him wound up, as he is STILL outside shooting baskets! I feel like I made a bit of progress with him today! hugs and prayers

Oh Vickie ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))). I feel your pain, in many ways. My 14 year old son, who was the sweetest person I ever knew has turned into...and there is no other word for it...an a$$h0le. He talks to all of us like dirt, slammed his door so often it has been removed, lost himself in video games and I took the system away. His grades look like Elmer Fudd trying to stutter his last name, I am at my wits end. I took him to a counselor and the punk snowballed him, everything is fine-its all good. My son was smart enough to know what to say to end that little experiment. The other day when my son was acting a fool, I just walked up to him (he's 6' 1", so I had to look up), said I love him and grabbed him in a big hug and wouldn't let go. He started crying but didn't open up. At this point I think the only thing we can do is stand strong with the rules, let them know we love them anyway and sympathize with animals who eat their young. (kidding!) I really like the idea of the one poster who suggested evaluating the meds. Puberty has to cause some changes that maybe the medication is interacting with? Its a thought. We will keep you in our prayers Vickie. Rebecca R