Need some advice

have lost 130 pounds on a very strict diet that the surgeon put me on. I am starting to hear from some of my friends "If you can do this why do you have to have the surgery?" and "You are doing so good just keep doing what you are doing." Brenda, First and foremost congratulations on your weight loss so far. I am very proud of you.. I have lost 16 pounds and my friends reactions have been the same as your friends. I see this weight loss as a taste of how much my life will improve as long as I use this tool properly. You have come a very long way and have a great jump start. But the surgery will help to achieve long term sucess and a lifelong healthier way of eating. I see this as a way of reversing some of effects of a lifelong way of eating bad for our bodies. Brenda, I am going to tell you to do just what I should be telling myself. Do this for yourself first and foremost. Do this because you are totally madly deeply in Love with yourself and the idea of being around a very long time and living a healthy wonderful life. If people cannot accept how you get from point a to point b, that is their problem. And part of me thinks there is comfort in having a "fat" friend. It allows them to be more attractive and to "appear" more capable of having a sucessful life, romance etc. I believe there is a fear of us becoming someone who can achieve those goals. And they fear they are going to lose the friend they know and love. I dont know about you but I am tired of being the fat girl in the corner that everyone says " You have such a pretty face, now if you could just drop a few pounds" you could have anything or any man you want. LOL I just want to walk pain free, and be satified with a few bites, and take this extra weight off to allow my bad heart to last many many years to come. I want to live to see my grandkids have grandkids.. I want to run.. Not just walk. I want to play baseball with my kids, and run those bases.. I want to not just Exist, I want to be a part of this Life.. Thank You Brenda for your response. Laura

I was afraid of that very thing happening, people telling me what they thought of the surgery and being negative, so I told a very select few people that I was going to have the surgery-only the essentials, which left me with very few people to talk to about how I was feeling, but I think it worked best for me. All I told people was that I was going to be off work for a couple weeks-they thought it was vacation. The last couple of days before surgery I told a few more people. I think it was the best decision for me, as I work in the medical field and also "know those people" . Since surgery and returning to work I have gotten great support. I just felt that before surgery I didn't need to hear negative thoughts or comments. Now people congratulate me on my decision and constantly comment on my weight loss. I'm sure everyone's situation is different, but this worked for me. This site makes a great place to get support!

Lorraine, My two best friends did not support my decision when I first made it. I talked very little to them about it which was very hard because we share everything. I finally got to the point where I told them that I needed them to support me even if they couldn't support my decision. When they realized how much they were hurting me, they got on board. They are very apprehensive about my surgery, but it is because they are afraid of losing me. My sister feels the same way. I am 55 with a number of health problems. It has been easier to convince them that my life will be better after the surgery than it is now. Although I look forward to being smaller and looking better, I dream of walking with less pain, sleeping without my Cpap mask, and throwing away my glucometer and lancets. All of these things could happen for me after surgery. Those are hard to argue with. My surgery is Monday morning, April 4. My best friends spent the day with me on Thursday and we shopped for a new robe and slippers together. My sis is driving down to spend the night with me and will be at the hospital. She is more firightened of losing me than anyone else. It is as though she needs to see me one more time before I die. I want her to see me on the other side of this so she can finally relax. Remember that there is a strong possibility that the people who don't support you are just afraid for you. Good Luck with your surgery and situation. You can always find support on this website. Karen Hull

Hi Laura! I'm going through the same thing with some of my friends and family. Even though every surgery has it's risks, before gastric bypass surgery we go through extensive testing to make sure it's as safe as possible. The thing is either you risk a small chance of surgical complications or you can almost be 100% sure you'll become diabetic or have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, heart problems etc. Furthermore, are these friends overweight themselves and perhaps envious? You are not alone! We're in this together! Please fell free to email me any time! Keep your spirits up! Jen

The same people that are opposed and dogging you for your decision will be the same people in a few months who will be in your face telling you how GREAT you look. Forget your EX's insecurities that's why he's your ex! You are making a decision that will ensure you are around for your kids in the long term. HOORAY FOR YOU!