Defending my Decision

Have any of you had freinds and family that are nothing byt negative about this surgery. I wonder why I told anyone that I am going to have it. Thank God my husband is my biggest supporter--letting me gather information and make an intellegent decision based on a lot of research. A friend that went with me last week to infomational seminar with Dr. Curry called today to tell me that I just have to read O Magazine. I guess that someone brought her an article written by the University of Cincinnati and she said that its all negative. My Aunt and a friend of hers tried to talk me out of it yesterday. I am ready to scream, but I will not change my mind or give up. On the other hand, I don't preach to other people that they should have it done. I tell them that they are the only one who can answer that question...why can't they be like that? Debra

Debra, I've just begun telling friends about my decision. I didn't want to hear anything negative unless I had already been approved. What was the sense in bringing up an issue when there might have been no way it was going to happen? Anyway, so far, everyone has been so supportive. Initally, my husband was very reluctant. He brought me the article in PEOPLE magazine when Randy off American Idle was in it and pointed out the stats to me. As I told him, I watched my mother slowly succumb to obesity. She was eventually wheelchair bound and died at the age of 54 from a massive coronary. Although I have tried all my life to be more healthy than she was, genetics won't let me. I told him I was headed right in her footsteps and I didn't ever want to do that nor put him or our son through that pain of watching. I told him that if something didn't happen to improve my health, I knew that I would be riddled with health problems as well as going in and out of hospitals and doctor's offices until I died and I wouldn't be getting any better-only worse. I am not a person who is fond of seeing doctors nor hospital stays so this to me would be a nightmare coming true. Eventually, he saw the light and now supports me 100%. I figure if anyone else other than he and I don't suport me, so be it. This IS my life and I feel I am taking the lessor of the two evils to improve my quality of life. Beth

Hi Debra, I didn't tell any of my family or friends that I was going to have the surgery until after I was sure I was committed to the surgery. When I did tell them, I got a mixed bag -- some support, some concern. The concern was expressed out of love and caring, but gave me second thoughts for a couple of weeks (that, and reading the memorials) -- you know, started second-quessing myself and decision. Then, with the help of Valerie Curry, I got clear again on why I had made the decision for surgery and re-committed to it. I decided that everyone expressed their honest reaction, with my best intentions in their heart. But once I told those who were concerned that I was definitely going for it, they have supported me 100%. My suggestion is to take the support from all those who can and give the others time -- unless they have some vested interest in you staying morbidly obese, they'll come around. Good luck to you!

Hi Debra, I have a couple of friends and family that are VERY negative. Before surgery they were very hard to deal with. I had done my homework and knew this was what I wanted. One would send me articles to read about people who had died or had terrible complications. It is difficult to deal with. I hate to say this but I am 5 months out and they are still negative and hurtful. One just won't talk to me at all. I decided to surround myself with support and reached out to the people that were in my corner. This board is a great place to get support. Most of the negative people are not educated about the surgery and don't understand our desperation. Have you found a support group? They are great before surgery as well as after. Best of luck to you on your journey. We are all here for you.

Debra, I'm surprised at how many people, oh, skinny people, have negative comments about the surgery. I work for a company that makes medical instruments for bariatric surgery and that WLS represents 60% of our profits right now. All that said, I too get comments about what I should and should not being doing. Stick to your guns and don't let other influence your decision. You do what you have to do!! -V

ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WERE VERY SUPPORTIVE OF ME. AND I'M ALMOST 2 YEARS OUT AND THERE STILL SUPPORTIVE TO ME. YOUR IN GOOD HANDS WITH DR.C EVERYBODY I KNOW LOVES THIS MAN. HE IS SO DIFFERENT FROM OTHER SURGEONS HE IS SO PERSONABLE AND HAVEN'T HEARD A BAD THING ABOUT HIM. DON'T LET YOUR FRIEND DISCOURAGE YOU. THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE AND I LOVE MY NEW LIFE. GOOD LUCK

Debra, I CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE THIS SURGERY FOR TWO YEARS. I HAVE DONE A LOT OF RESEARCH AND LIKE YOU, DIDN'T TELL ANYONE UNTIL I KNEW FOR SURE THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND NEED. MY SISTERS ARE SO NEGATIVE THAT I USUALLY GET IN AN ARGUMENT WITH THEM ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE I KNOW THAN THEY DO ABOUT WLS. THEY ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME ABOUT THE PEOPLE AT WORK THAT HAVE GAINED BACK THEIR WEIGHT.OR BRINGING ME ARTICLES WITH ALL THE COMPLICATIONS. NEVER MIND THAT NOT ONE OF MY FOUR SISTERS IS OVER A SIZE 11. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE HEAVY ONE. I ALSO HAVE FRIENDS THAT ARE CONSTANTLY TELLING ME THAT I DON'T NEED TO HAVE WLS. THEY THINK I LOOK FINE THE WAY I AM. NONE OF MY FRIENDS ARE HEAVY EITHER. I WONDER HOW THEY WOULD FEEL IF THEY HAD TO ASK FOR AN EXTENSION FOR THEIR SEATBELT ON THE PLANE? AND WHY DO MOST PEOPLE THINK WE WANT THIS DONE TO LOOK BETTER.??? WELL, I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON TRYING TO GET TO THE LOSING SIDE. WE ALL PRETTY MUCH HAVE HAD TO DEFEND OURSELVES. IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT JUST TO FEEL HEALTHY. SHERRY

I CERTAINLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. sINCE mARCH 9,I LOST MY MOM, AND SINCE I HAVE HAD THE SURGERY I FEEL LIKE I LOST MY SISTERS. I HAVE 3 AND THEY WERE ALL AGAINST IT. 2 ARE ON THE HEAVY SIDE AND 1 IS THIN. WE WERE ALL VERY CLOSE UNTIL THIS. WE ALL LIVE WITHIN 5 MINUTES FROM EACH OTHER AND I DONT TELL THEM A THING ABOUT ANY OF THIS. I HAVE THE BEST SUPPORT GROUP FROM THIS WEBSITE. I HAVE MET SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND WE ALL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. ALSO I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND,3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND THE 5 GRANDLIDS WHO ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE LITERLY. DR.CURRY AND HIS STAFF HAVE BEEN THE BEST. I DONT BELIEVE THERE COULD EVER IN A MILLION YEARS BE A BETTER DOCTOR THEN HIM. I HAD A UPPER GI YEASTERDAY AND HE WAS RIGHT THERE WITH ME TO READ THE RESULTS. I WOULD TRAVEL A THOUSAND MILES OR MORE TO HAVE A DOC. LIKE HIM. DEFEND YOUR DECISIOPN BECAUSE IT IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. LOVE AND GOOD LUCK,CINDY JULY 9,43LBS

When people said things to me, sometimes I would respond that I had taken a lot of time to consider it and made sure that I selected a surgeon who would have a dirty knife and a folding table. Usually that would stop them long enough to get it, then realize that I had actually done my homework. I had folks at work who would say small things, but mostly they were doing it out of concern. Some folks just feel better if they tell you about their limited and normally biased viewpoint. I did however take the time to assure my family that I had really researched this, my surgeon, the program and all that - so they could feel comfortable that I wasn't making a decision without proper planning. -Anne

I only told my sister and best friend while I was researching the WLS and I told my hubby and children AFTER I was approved. I was so worried about the negative backlash/concern that I felt that it was easier not to say anything. I've only told a few people since the surgery so it's a fairly well kept secret (for now!). It was such an emotional rollercoaster goning through the process and I was very scared tht I wouldn't be approved or the surgey would be cancelled or something bad would happen. My husband and older son expressed concern but supported my decision and everyone else was behind me 100%. I don't feel the need to defend my decision any more (I had surgery 2 weeks ago) and I'm doing fine. Just believe in yourself and thank them for their concern but do what you feel is right for you and your health. Good luck. Miss Q