Fear of Being Thin?

Okay... this is bizarre. All my adult life I've longed to be thin. At the age of 18 (at normal weight) I gave birth to a child who had birth defects and I guess I turned to food for comfort. I began packing on weight and now, at age 50, I am morbidly obese and working toward having WLS. Last night I was helping my sister work at her church festival and as I looked around at all the "normal" weight women, I thought "Next year I'll be here looking more like them". I was suddenly struck with fear. Why? Has anyone else encountered anything like this? If so, how did you overcome it? Another piece of this... and I hope this isn't TMI... I was molested by my dad when I was young. My weight has served as a barrier of sorts. Another thought... "What if he says something?" In my head I know he won't, because we've honestly and openly resolved all those old issues, but there's this little voice inside me asking... and I'm scared. I'm sorry for dumping all this here. I just don't know where else to go with it. Sheila

Sheila, This is anything but bizarre. This was discussed on the boards awhile back (more than once, I'm sure,) and I responded to the post as did many others. I saved my thoughts and fears in my profile, and as opposed to going into all of it again, I invite you to read it there if you'd like. I think our cir****tances are a bit different, but if you want someone to talk with about this, please feel free to email me. Morbid obesity affects us all in many different ways...........sometimes the least of it being physical. Take care, and remember you have many, many people who care about you, and have been where you are today.

Hi Sheila, I understand your fears. First I think maybe you should get in to some counceling about being molested, even though you said you have resolved the issues with your dad. I too am scared of being the "normal" as they say. I have been heavy all my life, I have always had the stares, the comments. When I would go to restraunt even if I ordered the same dinner as other people it was like people stared and made faces while I was eating. I have never been one to fit in, and found myself alone alot. To this day I only have a few friends beacuse I am scared of being very social face to face. I do however dream when I am asleep that I am thin. I wake up with my heart ready to explode. I use the dream as strenghth. I know I am going to be a hottie once I have this surgery. I am curious to how I will react when someone who would have never approached me while obese, approaches me when I am thin. I am going to start my counceling next month. I decided there is going to be a lot of new things to deal with, and figure a councelor would be great to help smooth the transistion. I wish you luck. If you ever want to just talk please email me. [email protected] Lisa Johnson

Hi Sheila, I don't think you are bizarre at all! I used my weight as comfort, protection, insulation,barrier, etc. since I was very young because I was so shy. I was real smart and my grandparents used to "show me off" to their friends and try to get me to "perform" for them. I'm sure they had no idea what they were doing to me and I was so young I couldn't express my feelings. All I could say was "I don't want to...." I couldn't tell anyone why, I didn't know. Pretty soon I became a stress eater. As I gained more weight, people lowered their expectations of me and I didn't get put into those stressfull situations anymore. I grew up and found some activities that I consider myself good at and I don't mind "showing off" under certain cir****tances and it doesn't matter what my weight is now. I think I have also used my weight to hide from sexuality. If you are MO the expectations aren't necessarily so high....(I am still working on this one) If you have the fear of your Dad saying something about your weight loss, and you truly have resolved the issues between you, just realize that you are doing this for yourself to be healthy and it shouldn't matter what anyone says. The looking like the rest of the "normal" weight people at church does not scare me. I have seen pictures of me MO standing with "normal" sized people and that scared me more! I'm also more scared of the co-morbilities of being MO. Are you afraid of losing your "special identity" because people know you for your weight and they will have to get to know the person inside the shell better? You will have to let people get closer to you and that is a threatening thing? I am a very private person and I think I can understand that ...Don't know if this is of any help, but you certainly are not alone in having some fears of being thin. AD

Hi Sheila: I too have these feelings from time to time. I also wonder how I am going to adjust to being a smaller person. Once I lose the extra pounds and will no longer be eligible for disability. how easy is it going to be for me to get back into the workforce at the age of 47. What about developing new relationships especially with the opposite sex. Different kinds of thoughts run through my mind every day but I have to pray to stay positive and believe in my heart that God is going to direct my path.