What would YOU do?

Hi everyone. I am currently on a 3 month multidisciplinary regime to qualify for WLS. At the same time, I am the 24/7 caregiver for my husband who has a terminal heart condition, mid-stage Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. We are also waiting for our condo to be built. I'm beginning to feel that I'm taking on too much at one time. My husband's condition is going downhill on almost a weekly basis and, to top everything off, my insurance (COBRA) expires in December. Would you postpone surgery for the time being?

Carol If your insurance expires, you almost have to go ahead. I see the many stresses you have. It would be great if you could postpone but it may not be an option with no insurance unless you qualify for Welfare and they would be willing to cover it. I will tell you, I lost my husband to Cancer two years ago. There is no way I could have pursued this then but I knew he was terminal and didn't want to leave him a second. Your husband's condition could be a long term thing but I know you must be going through a lot of grief seeing him withdraw into his own world without you. My heart goes out to you. Consider: 1. The surgery will help you feel stronger, better about yourself, being more able to care for your husband. 2. It will add years to your life. 3. Heartbreaking as it is, you cannot fix your husband and as a loving wife you will be able to be with him as your surgery will have you back again in a day or so. 4. Only you can make this decision because you know the stress you are under. 5. Are you taking any anti-depresent pills? If not, please talk to your doctor about it and see what he recommends. Sometimes we cannot take on the whole world at one time. 6. If the stressors are too much, maybe you are not suppose to go through this at that time. Only you know how much you can handle. 7. I sound like I am preaching but I have been through an incredible journey for the last 4 years both physically and emotionally. I need this surgery to help me heal because some of my depression is because I cannot do things I want to do i.e. run and play with the grandkids, walk up a flight of stairs with out being breathless, get out of a chair or walk normally because my doctor thinks I'm too heavy to safely have my knee replaced. Know this is long but we all have to evaluate what is effecting us and make decisions. Only you know all the ends and outs of your journey. I hope you are able to continue and get your surgery because I know for me it will help me accomplish a few things I "want" in my life. Best of luck to you Sandy

WOW what a lot of stress for you. My heart goes out to you. Only you can make this decision. I can only tell you that if it were me. I would go ahead. See what kind of help can be provided and don't be afraid to ask for it. The next time you get insurance WLS may not be covered. Don't be afraid to ask for help or vent.

Carol, I'll betcha a dollar or two that there are people right here on this board who would help out with your husband for the short time it takes for you to recuperate. Probably even some nurses. Dr. C The Deaconess Surgical Weight Loss Center Cincinnati, Ohio

I am not sure how far away your home is from mine.......however I am a State Tested Nursing Assistant and I worked long term care......I have assisted in the daily activities of residents with such conditions. I could volunteer my time for a few days in your home if you wish My surgery hopefully is June 28th after in which I would need a few weeks recovery before I could transfer or lift If you would like to consider this offer or e-mail me for more information but I would be more than happy to donate my time to help you and your husband.......and before you know you you will have even more energy to give your husband the care he needs and some left over to care for you needs..........god bless and anything I can do let me know. Kimberly

carol...i think that i have to agree with the suggestions made here--it is not selfish to have this surgery done to allow yourself the better health to deal with everything on your plate. as for caring for your hubby while you are recovering--wow--there was already one volunteer of services- and i would imagine others will follow...where is fairfield?i have to go look at a map---many of us could pitch in even if only for a few hours of the day....and at various stages- with your hubby's care or your won after surgery or with your move... i have not read your profile...do you have family nearby? do you work? sorry to be nosey but trying to get a feel for what you may need..... yes, this is a lot to think about and to get thru --put your faith in your God, if you have one...and accept the help of others when it is offered... God Bless....

okay-i went to your profile--it doesn't mention anything about how old you are or what physical problems you yourself maybe have to battle while waiting for your surgery---please don't consider me being nosey by asking these things- again--trying to get a feel for what help you need.... feel free to email me if you'd like....