Havin' a REALLY down day

Hi gang. Anyone have a really down day while trying to get approved for this surgery?! I am sitting here so down and near tears that my chest hurts and I feel that my heart is breaking! I am in such a fuddle. After my appeal was denied, again..sigh.. I just don't know what to do. A part of me just wants to scream at the insurance company and try and make them understand just how BADLY I need this surgery, and the other part just wants to hole up in my house and not come back out. I am sooo tired of feeling this way! But at the same time I am just livid and disgusted with myself for ever getting this large ( heard all my life just how fat and disgusting I was from mostly my dad, but mom and my brothers were happy to join in once in a while too). I am still unemployeed and frustrated to no end with that. That's my fault too, I am afraid to go and get a job for fear that once again I won't be able to physically handle it and just like the previous two jobs in the last 2 years, make up excuses not to go in and just basically quit. It breaks my heart to see just how low I have gotten! I used to enjoy my jobs ( have cooked for more than 17 years and love it! Strange as it may sound, it kept me not only sane but also from shoving anything that didn't move into my mouth!) I have also tried other desk jobs but always ended up leaving and going back to my beloved cooking. I have such a hard time just standing or sitting for even a 1/2 an hour, and by 3 hours I am in such agony that I become very nasty to everyone and just want to cry due to my overwhelming pain! I have been begining to play with the idea of trying to get on disability since I know that I am no longer able to handle working for even a four hour shift...but I think that would just make me feel even worse about myself. I remember being able to handle long shifts (and enjoying them too!) without pain and I sooo much want to be that person again! I started "falling apart" after my miscarriage back in March 2001 and then the complications from that just started to snowball and in less than a year I had 9 surgeries to try to find the problem and rectify it. Well, that didn't happen until my hysterectomy in 2002 ( which nearly devistated me since I was only 33 and I had wanted to be able to have more children). But the hysterectomy was supposed to help so that I was no longer in constant pain with one hand pressing on my lower back and the other holding my stomach constantly. Now I don't hold my stomach, but my back still hurts almost constantly and from the waist down all my joints decided to follow suit and so it is extremely difficult to even walk most days. I just wish that the insurance people could live in my shoes just one day...then maybe they would be albe to see just how badly I need this surgery! My doctor fears that without it I will be in a wheelchair before I am 40. Sorry this is so long, and thanks for listening. Jen

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Dear Jennifer, Maybe I can't really say anything to help but I wanted you to know that I pray for you and wish I could make your insurance company 'walk a mile in your shoes'. If you have lower back pain, have you talked to an orthopedic surgeon or chiropractor about a back brace? Yes, its not pleasant to think about but it has to be better than constant pain. If not a brace, why not try a girdle. Three doctors sentenced me to a wheelchair at age 50 because my knees were shot. I finally found a surgeon who agreed that I needed total knee replacement for both legs. The 2 surgeries and recovery periods were a snap compared to the pain I suffered. I tell you this because I want you to know I understand. Now I'm going to be 60 this month, my husband is an invalid but I'm still going ahead with WLS if I get approved. So my advice is to 'keep on keepin' on'. God has a plan for you; just listen to Him with your heart and your mind. Together you will find a way. God Bless and have a better day tomorrow. Carol

Morning Jen, I hope today finds you feeling better. I think everyone needs the insurance people to be in their shoes! Don't let them get you down though. Eventually something will come through for you. Disablity, might be the best option for you. I have a friend here who got it for being Obese and they ended up paying for her surgery. I wish you the best of luck and you can email me anytime to chat if you like. HUGS Lori