BABY OR WLS how do i choose

I was pregnant recently and at 6 wks had a miscariage but not due to being overweight. My doctor said it was just one of those things that happen naturally when the body detects something wrong with the fetus. Anyways i'm 25 and my husband is 29. We never thought of having kids right now well i secretly wished it, but never had any plans of having kids right now. But then after being pregnant my mommy jeans popped out big time and now all i have is baby on the brain. and my husband is just as excited to have one as well. but i am almost 300 lbs but i'm very active and other than astma back pain and some joint pain once in awhile i'm pretty healthy i guess. But i have been looking forward to this day to finally have health insurance so i can have this surgury and be healty. But now not so sure i want to have risks of complications with this surgury and possibly not have children. And i 'm not so sure i want to wait 2 or 3 more yrs to have kids. But as far as a medical opinion of am i better off getting thin before kids to take some of the risks of diabetes and hypertension , and so on and so fourth. or take a risk of having wls and possibly have complications and not be able to have kids, or have low nutrition and thats not good for baby. so anyone who can offer a good opinion and some facts my way i'm all ears. sincerly rachael

Hi Rachael-- Wow! That is a tough decision--kind of like asking if you should think with your heart or your head. I am well past the baby stage, but I can honestly say that my pregnancy was way easier in every possible way when I weighed 200 lbs than when I weighed 240, and way easier at 24o lbs than it was at 270 lbs. Also, something you may want to consider is that insurance changes. There are companies that used to cover weight loss surgery that now have specific exclusions in their policies, and others that have put a cap on what they will pay. But I have never heard of a company that stopped covering pregnancy and childbirth! Other thought to consider are: If you want more than one child, how far apart in age do you want them to be? Having surgery after having a child may affect that. The recovery from major surgery will be much more difficult if you have a little one to care for--even if you have extra help for a few weeks. You won't even be allowed to lift a baby after your surgery, to lessen the risk of developing a hernia. And you will tire very easily for a month or so after surgery also. I truly admire those who have to return to work and/or tend to their young families after surgery. My "baby" is 17 and I am a stay-at-home mom and wife, so I was fortunate that I've been able to concentrate on myself after surgery. This sounds like I am trying to talk you out of pregnancy, and that is truly not my intention. I sure do know that "baby hunger" feeling! It is a very personal and difficult decision that you must make, and I just wanted to mention a few things you may not have thought of. Be sure to discuss the pros and cons and to make this decision with your husband. Whatever you decide, he will be your greatest cheerleader and helper, so you want to be sure you are on the same team! Good luck to you! Nancy open RNY 10/27/03 42 1/2 lbs. gone forever!

Thankyou Nancy for repliying to my question, i really appreciate your time and your point of view. This is a huge decision that has weighed on me for some time now. My husband is playing middle man whatever i decide he is content with. i do beleive he is leaning toward a baby now rather than later though. But like i said my BIGGEST fear is that if i were to have major complications due to surgury that would restrict me completly from getting pregnat.And that would devistate me for the rest of my life. there is no doctor on this planet that can gaurentee you 100% recovery. I do know from my own research that you do not get the same nutrition as well after wards and that can be harmful and there are the chances you get pregnant on accident to soon after surgury and then that can hurt me physically as well. so i'm trying to be very sceptical on both sides and really trying to rationalize my feelings either way. but there is even a chance i spend all this time and money and gain weight back from this surgury and that would not be good i would have my insides turned around and a scar for the rest of my life and still be heavy. /but i also want so badly to be thinner and feel better mentally physically emotionally as well. so i really think i need to consult a dr. and hopefully they can give me some medical advice on the right way to go about this. the one thing in my advantage is my mom gets 4 weeks paid vacation and my husband gets 2 weeks. so they have both agreed to take that back to back to help me. so that is to my advantage there. well wish me luck and thankyou for your time sincerely Rachael tharp

Hi Rachael, This is a tough question. I have no answers. I too am well past the age to have children. I can relate to you because I was married at 25 and my husband was 33. I will tell you that I have been morbidly obese my whole adult life. Like you, it never stopped me from doing the things I really wanted to do. I had two very healthy happy boys who are now 18 and 16. My pregnancies were not hard and my children were born healthy. That being said, it was hard to play with them as young children. My weight was also an issue with going to school when they were young. Even now it stops me from getting involved in some of their activities. Your decision has got to be yours and your doctors. You are in my prayers and thoughts as you struggle. Whatever you decide, if I can help please let me know. Good luck to you and your husband.

Rachel, I too am past the baby stage. Right now, you and your body are still yearning for that lost life, and your husband has taken a hit to his pride in being able to someday be a father. Take some time and think about this. You both are still young, and you have time to have kids. Losing weight may make it easier to get pregnant when you want to. I was heavy with both my pregnancies, had two c-sections, and was pre-eclamptic with the second. If you go ahead and have WLS and recover and lose some weight, I don't think there is any reason you could not have a healthy pregnancy. Besides, when you are fat, nobody really knows you are pregnant because you are already big! I missed out on wearing cute maternity clothes, and since I was working during both of my pregnancies, it was really hard on me physically because I was so fat.(My back pain was worse when I was pregnant.) Now this is only my opinion, but I really think you need to give yourself some time. Sit down and write down the pros and cons of getting pregnant now, or waiting. sometimes it helps to see everything I black and white. All the best to you, no matter what you decide. Sue

If you wait to have a baby after surgery.you could have that baby as little as year and half and be much healthier.Become healthier now and baby later could also mean you could live longer and see that child grow up and start her/his life.Have baby now and think about having surgery later most likely you wont have surgery you will say to busy with baby. Guess it's up to you.I thank God every night for letting me get my surgery when I did so I can see my sons 10 and 8 grow up.With out my surgery or If I would have put it off most likely I would have been dead at a young age like 40 and now I am 38.I had a cousin which is a she,about ten years ago she was going get the surgery done and for some reason she kept putting it off.One day her mother didn't hear from her for like 2 days she went to her house and found her dead in her chair.Cause of death Heart attack she was only 24.She chosed to wait when she chosed to wait she also chosed death.Like I said before it is up to you what you do.

Hi, I'm 26 and had RNY this past April, I look forward to having children in the future and I knew at my weight it would be dangerous...I saw the problems my sister had with her two, high blood pressure and having to be delivered early and she was only about 2/3 what I weighed. Unlike you though, I'm not married nor do I have anyone to have a baby with right now. I felt better about taking the risk of WLS knowing that I didn't have anyone that would be left behind if something were to happen. It's a tough decision. I would hope your doctor could discuss the pros and cons of either desicion with you. Best wishes!