What do folks 2+ years post-op want for support?

(This post was originally posted in the Post-op forum. Looking for other opinions in this forum.)

Here’s a question for the 2+ years post-op folks out there. Several long-term bariatric patients in my local support group are considering organizing some sort of monthly support group meeting for patients who are farther along on their weight loss journey. There is no doubt that the issues and discussions for folks this far out of surgery differs from those preparing for surgery or in the early stages of post-op. We’ve toyed with a few ideas and are wondering if your local support group has some sort of meeting for patients farther out from surgery?

Our idea is not to replace our normal monthly support group meeting with the larger group of patients. We think there is a lot of value in helping those following in our footsteps. A diverse group of people in a support group makes it much more interesting and successful.

We have toyed with the idea of meeting once a month at a Panera or Applebees for an informal lunch where there is no agenda or rules. It’s just an open discussion time to share joys, concerns, lessons learned and seek opinions of others. For many it would just be a time to socialize with WLS people. Our thought is that people 2+ years out need to hear more from fellow patients about how they deal with problems and cope with weight related issues at this time in their life.

We’ve floated this idea in our group. One person believes that the meetings should steer away from restaurants. The belief of the core group considering organizing these outings is that after 2 years there should be no fear of eating out. It’s just a fact of life at this stage in our new lives. To meet in a setting like a library or rec center conference room is pretty sterile. We question whether people would want to come to this type of meeting. The casualness and informality of a lunch seems to be more welcoming. We also believe some people have left our local group because they don’t want an organized lecture type meeting.

So, what are your thoughts on meetings and gatherings for people 2+ years out of surgery? It’s cool if you can share how you local group handles this. We also want to hear what you would consider an optimal meeting location and structure for you.

Thanks,
Tom

I know 2 people that are at the 2 year point in their journey.  Amazingly they both had their surgery done by Dr. Z as well.  I would agree that they are at a different place than me since I am just starting out. Both have been active in the support group.  I am sure they would appreciate something geared more towards their needs.  I would think a restaurant would be okay even prefered.

Winnie,

Congrats on starting your weight loss journey. From my experience, it is the best thing I have  ever done for myself. At 2+ years people drop off our support group radar. Some stay but the majority leave; only to come back looking for help. The key is getting people to want to come. I am certain a restaurant is a more inviting place.

I know we have a person and probably more who don't want to meet at a restaurant. A person who knows such a person tells me it is because they are having issues with food. Well, meeting at a restaurant with others is a good way to get over that hurdle. Lunches out are some of the best times we  have on our WLS bike club. People really like to hear casual talk about their journeys and struggles. I always learn something more from just a casual chat. 

The few of us thinking about this will most likely do it independently of the support group. Meetup.com works great for the cycling group. It might be a good option for this group. We're think that we will try our first lunch/dinner some time in early 2011.

Tom

Just a suggestion for a meeting place...Our group meets in the basement of a church...it has a lift chair which is helpful to a few people in our group...The church doesnt charge us any rent to use their facilities, as one of the founders of your group belongs to the church...So you might check amongst yourselves to see if anyone could get their church for a meeting place each month...We take up a food drive every November and donate the food to the church's food pantry, thanking them for allowing us to use their basement...Its really nice because we are allowed to use their kitchen which is great for healthy food demonstrations...

As for having a seperate group for those 2 years and out, our group doesn't do that...We normally have the meeting planned around information, topics and etc that will benefit everyone in our group...But if you can get enough people to have a second monthly meeting, that would be great...We have considered meeting twice a month, but the majority of the group said that they couldn't make it twice...Guess it all depends on who can and cannot attend...Good luck with your group/s...Tammy

Tammy, Your setup sounds very nice. I am meeting with a core group of 2+ year folks right after the new year. We will see what they come up with. From the discussion and consensus so far, I believe it will be a monthly casual restaurant meeting. The feeling is that at this point you should be able to deal with food and especially around 10-12 other WLS patients.  There needs to be some sort of incentive for long term people to get out to the group. These are the people who drop off. We think a casual chat at a Starbucks, Panera or Applebees might persuade them to join us. -- Tom

As someone 3.5 years out, I definitely see an advantage to having a separate support group for those >2 years out because, quite frankly, unless there are a lot of you in a "mixed" support group, it is the folks who are further out who DON'T get support (since the folks further out ("grads") can help the newbies with their questions/issues but the newbies cannot help the grads with their questions/issues).  Of course, if all the grads abandon the OTHER support group, that's a problem!  Many grads LEAVE support groups because they tired of the same questions about vitamins and what they can eat early out, etc. and because the newbies do not understand post-WLS life.

Most of the people I know who are >2 years out struggle with issues of re-gain, consistency with vitamin regimens, WLS-related disappointments (extra skin and no money for plastic surgery, not having lost as much as they wanted, realizing that some of their pre-op problems were NOT (as they had previously assumed) somehow weight-related (and therefore did not go away when the weight did).  They want to talk with other people who are still glad they had the surgery, but for whom the excitement of the immediate pre- and post-op period has waned and LIFE has settled in and the task is maintaining the weight loss (especially for those who can eat almost anything and can eat a fair amount of food)..

Lora

Lora, You got it right! The issues people struggle with at 2+ years are indeed different. And... These are the folks who disappear from meetings. I've asked several and they say that they just don't get enough out of the meetings. I feel I really do and love seeing people being transformed (and being part of their process). Tom

My surgeon has us split into two groups that meet back to back. Right now, I am going to both but am starting to identify with the further out group. They actually started getting together independently and did fun stuff like bowling, zip line, canoeing, walking, etc. They also meet for lunches, sometimes at 'bad' places, but it is good training for me to find things on the menus that will work. It is hard for me tho as I watch them eating fried food and other 'bad' things. It works for them, and I am making it work for me. I just no longer expect to use them as role models.

I have an update. Check out the post I made on our group's first meeting. We got a committee together and came up with some great ideas. We are launching it in May. Wish us lick! Tom

Movin’ Forward - Long-term Bariatric Support Group

http://www.meetup.com/MovinForward/
 

You bring up so many good points that I believe are critical for success as a post-op patient. The issue of meeting in a location that may be perceived as bad is a good one. I think people perceive many sports bars and casual eateries as bad spots. The reality is that most offer healthy options. If you can not dine with 8-12 post-op WLS patients and make good choices, then you need their support. I see this happen all the time in my cycling group.

The social and sporting activities are also critical for success. Today, we meet in a clinical setting at the hospital. I think we need to offer outside diversions that attract people and challenge them to step outside of the clinical safe space. I think 2+ year people are very open and ready for this type of situation.