I have Failed

Ok I want to say thanks you to all who have gave me thrie guidence the past few days, But I am under so much stress and I broke down and bought a pk of Quest nicotine free ciggs, why them ones I dont know maybe I was thinking they were better than the reg ones. Anyway I went 5 days smoke free and was having major head cravings and them my Mom went into the hosp and my father inlaw had a heart attack in Florida and work has been hell. I feel like such a failure, It has me wondering if I can't do this will I be able to handle life after surgery too? I mean if I can't control my smoking what will the rest of my life hold? I am feeling so confused right now and so mad at myself. I have had all the tests done and all I need is for my Doc to fax the last remaining things up to OSU so I can get my file in front of the review team to see if I will be accepted by them and it is taking forever, and then the waiting for their answer and then an appt to see the Doctor, I just think at times if this all didnt take so long I wouldn't be stressing so much over everything. My hubby is very supporting, but he tried to quit too and could'nt do it even for 2 days and he smoked, I told him I can't make him quit and it was up to him, although he didnt smoke in front of me he did so in the basement. I just feel so weak so defeated just like with my eating, I couldnt control it and now I cant with the smoking, i will never get the surgery cause I cant go long enough without smoking to pass the damn nicotine blood test that they have smokers take at pre-op visit. Yes I have done the " you have to want it more thinking" and I try to physc myself with all kinds of postive talk and well it only got me 5 days. I don't know what to do at this point, I feel hopeless....

You are NOT a failure...you ARE an addict. Each time you quit smoking, you learn more about what you will need the next time you quit. Have you gone over to whyquit.com to read? I'm not kidding when I tell you that it will change your entire perspective on this horrible drug addiction. It is good to have "positive thinking", but it is more important to fully understand your addiction. I am begging you to go read, even if you do not quit right now. Please? :-( I want you to STOP this negative self-hatred talking. I know it, I've done it, and you need to be gentle with yourself. Everyone else is hard enough on you. You are not weak, you are not out of control...just remember that you never HAD control to begin with. None of us do, right? As far as I believe, God is the only one fully in control of anything. I know you want this surgery more than anything, sweetie. You are addicted to a drug that is every bit as powerful as heroin, and until you can face that and understand everything involved with dealing with addiction, you won't be able to give it up. Please write me if you need to (click on my name) and know that I am praying for you. Hugs to you. -Karen

Jan ! i havent had the surgery , but i did quit smoking about 26 years ago,what got me through it was thinking about the health my dad had been in when he passed at age 54,and the heart disease my mom had, You can do it , do it for yourself, for better health,and a new you to come after your surgery,Now that i have quit long ago i cant wait for me to have a chance to lose weight, i know its hard to quit smoking, and eating but you can do it just think about all the good things in your life to come,Good luck, and Bless you on your journey. Delilah!

hiya jan... my name is Christine. I am in the same boat as you.. trying to quit to get the surgery... i think since last May i have quit over a dozen times... and for one stressful reason or another have turned back to it...... I am on day one of not smoking.. it has been.... 21 1/2 hrs since i had my last cigarette.... to be honest it completely sucks.... as bad as smoking is for you..... i enjoyed it! I know it is going to be a very long 6 weeks for me...... and i already to pre-warned my friends and family... that i will be nasty, moody, irratible, and down right B*&^%y!!!! I guess.. today is just day one.... i will see what tomorrow will bring..... and remember just because you had a slight step back.. doesnt mean you failed...... throw the smokes away when YOUR READY and start again.... take care and if ya need a shoulder to lean on .. .ima here.....

Jan, You are only a failure if you quit trying, and I see a strong determined lady who is going to make it through this one step at a time. Girl, I am praying hard for you to get this nicotine monkey off of your back. I really am here for you and if you will send me your e mail address I will send you my home phone number. I have A few days off this week and maybe we could get together and talk. Take a stroll , have a cup of coffee somewhere. I want to help you in any way I can. I am not struggling with smoking, but I am a food addict who is struggling to regain my control that kind of fell by the wayside over these blasted holidays. We can help one another. Thats what we are here for. Prayers for strength are coming your way. Lots of Loving Gentle Hugs.. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!! Hugs Miss Laura