Confronted!

Hello, I am a little no alot upset, I was at my work today and one of my co-workers and I were having lunch and she said to me" I can't belive your having this surgery Jan, do you know how dangerous it can be, all you have to do is have more will power and eat less and go to the gym more" I was so shocked I did'nt know what to say. I have done the gym "thing" in the past and have tried many times to lose and yeah I don't have "iron strong" will power, but I just can't belive she would say that to me. I mean we have had 4 people that we both know have the surgery and I have not heard her say that they "did'nt need to have it". I told her that alot of my health problems stem from being overweight and that it is just a very speical "tool" that I need to help me do what I can't on my own. I have noticed too that a few people that I thougt were my "friends" don't seem to over joyed that I am having it. I heard one of them say that "people just need to push away from the plate more and do my exercising" Oh My if that was just all I needed to do. I mean in 24 yrs the biggest weight loss at one time I have had was 48 pds and I damn near starved myself and killed my self going to the gym to do that, and still a yr later it all came back with more to add.I do have support from my family, they are concerned of course about the "going under" and that but they know of all my struggles over the yrs, these people don't and I feel as though I am being judged and "taking the easy route" to lose weight. I know post-op I will have issues to deal with, and plan on meeting them as they arise, but hell people die form being FAT too!!. and you could die from getting your gallbladder out just the same. I just felt so angry at her comments. I have been going through alot of emotions the past 2 weeks doing my 12 deit counseling( 4 weeks in ti it) and not seeing the scale move much, I know I am not "going to the gym" or excerciseing as much as I need to be but I am having such a hard time with my feet hurting so bad that at the end of the day after being on the for 8 hrs I can not hardly walk let alone go walk a mile in the gym. I do as much as my body can do for now .I wish I had more energy to do more, and hoping that once some of the weight comes off after my surgey I will find that energy ,lord knows I could use it. I just hate the thought that I have 3 mos left before I will probley have my surgery and have to deal with peoples neg comments. Ayway thanks for letting me vent. has anyone else had people that they had to deal with that were neg to them? How did you deal with them? I have to work side by side with these people everyday, and they wonder why I come to work sometimes "down in the dumps" well I feel no support from the very people that I thought were friends to me. Thanks again everyone for letting me let off some steam.

I am sorry you have had to deal with this. I have been through the same thing. I have had family members and friends say the same things to me. Only a couple but it really upset me and made me feel like they were disappointed that I could be this week to take the "easy way out". Well, I have come to the conclussion that this is a "healthy way out" ! I have spent my life giving and doing for others and always considerate of other's feelings. This is the one thing I have decided to do for myself. I'm hoping to lower, or omit, BP, cholesterol meds. And feel better physically and emotionally. I agree this is a TOOL to help me, but not a magical, easy way out. I have noticed that the few that have made comments have never had a weight problem or are larger than me! I will hold my head high and go on with my plans. And in return, I will be healthier to continue to be the giving person that I've been. Only one difference. I'm doing something for ME! Hang in there. You have all the support you need right here!

Jan, It sounds like your co-worker does not have any weight issues to me. People who have never been overweight...well they just cant understand! Who cares what they think....you have to ask yourself...are you doing this for yourself and your own health, or are you doing this to please others?????? People are going to say mean things no matter what choices you make in your life. That's just human nature! I myself say you go girl! Stick to your guns!!!! You have researched and found what you think will help you out of a terrible health situation! I :clap: you for having the guts! It's kinda like standing up at an AAA meating and saying...HI MY NAME IS JAN...but this time you say HI MY NAME JAN...I HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM AND I AM TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE! I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY AND IM DOING THIS FOR ME. My coworkers :gossip: talk about me because I am fat....imagine what they will say to me when I set up a date for surgery. I dont care...they can talk about how good I look and feel and how great my health is as the years come to pass! I will love to see them "EAT" there words!!!!! lol :tongue:

Thanks everyone, Yeah Ithe co-worker that said these things to me belive it or not is overweight herself, She is uaually on one kind of diet or another throught the yr, But still manges to eat sausage and gravey at breakfast and bacon and eggs, WHEW! not for me, Bt anyway yes I am gonna stick to my guns and do this because I think it is the right thing for ME!, I have alot of living to do and right now I am not doing that I am just exiesting and not living. The weight has robbed me long enough and now I am taking charge of my life, So people will just have to either accept it or not either way, I am doing what I think is best for ME!

jan, good for you for your resolve in sticking to your plans. you will be fine, everything will work out and as you lose weight these people will be astounded. perhaps this gal needs diet counseling or wls herself and is struggling with those issues, plus she doesnt want you to get slim and leave her porky and alone. so keep your head up and go to work with a big smile and the thought that soon you will be slimmer, healthier and you are going thru this process for you! good luck. fluffy

It sounds like your decisions have hit a nerve in her. She's got the same problems you do and your decisions are rocking her boat because they aren't the same as the ones she has made. That can be threatening and make some people feel the need, not only to defend their choices, but to strike out at anyone pursuing something different. Bottomline, we all need to do what we feel is right for us. You feel comfortable with your choices and don't need to defend them. The difficult part will be to not strike back! Good luck! Nancy

I think they are just nervous about how you will change. I may be well off base here, but I think it is a rural one upmanship thing? Once your thin and healthy, and they are the same old person with the same old problems, are you going to be better than them, in their eyes? Maybe I'm reading too much into this, I know I have at least one friend like this, and she is super negative about the surgery. Hang in there, you are doing the best you can for you!!! Bridget

yeah I feel she needs some sort of counseling, She has had a mixed up life, Her only daughter gave her problems ect.. and of course since she is an RN I am only a Tech she feels like she has one over on me and it shows in her actions sometimes. I don't have to be an RN to be know medical things. I have worked in the health field for 18 yrs and do know a thing or two, But where I work If you don't have RN behind your name you thought of as disposal. But I belive I give my pts more care at times then they do I spend more time with them at times then they ever do. anyway she doen't speak to me usually unless it has to do with pt care and I just don't need to be bothered with people like that in my life, I always belive that what goes around will come back around, I just live for me and not the people that I "think" are friends, I have my family and am about to be a new grandma again tommorow and I get the pleasure of seeing my 2nd grandchild born, so all is good with me in my life.If people don't like my choices then they need to stay out of my business. I am doing what is right for me and if they don't understand that then I don't need them in my life.