I have reached my limit

I need a freaking break already, The surgeon says one thing, his coordinator says another and the nutritionist says another. Enough is enough. I am beyond tired of going around in circles w/these people and being the pity case. I feel that I am being taken advantage of b/c I am super nice and patient. I really(I mean REALLY), don't want to see this nutritionist(especially now) just due to the fact I am so beyond sick of talking about my problems to so many different people who care half-assed. I dont care about variety, I dont care about suggestions, I just want to get physically better and move on w/my life. I do understand you need to do the least drastic thing first but how many operations can one person have? It is like we are playing russian roulette but hopefully my first surgery was the bullet. You guys all know how 'good' I am. Never once did I ever complain or become non-compliant, even though I probably had every reason to. I am not (at all) blaming the surgeon for anything but I feel like I am being suffocated. To be honest, I feel like calling him on the phone, say "dont take offensive to this" and just start screaming at the top of my lungs and hanging up. You can do a search on roux stasis syndrome and you will see how no one seems to know exactly what to do to make this problem better. I am pretty much fed up w/talking to sooo many medical people about my problems. My list doesnt seem to end. I do understand that everyone is ultimately trying to 'help' me but this is all driving me insane. I do not want to see this nutritionist anymore b/c I want a freaking break already. I am tired of digging for help. I have reached my limit and I want to move on. I think what I will do is have my therapist help me w/find foods I can get down and make sure I eat enough. I do understand she isnt a nutritionist but its better than nothing. I do trust her, heck, she even bought me a smoothie machine for my birthday. My patience w/dealing w/these people is at the limit. If this makes me non-compliant, than too bad I guess. I think most people would have turned non-compliant four surgeries and 18 hospital admissions ago.

Tavia, I don't know how you have made it this far. I really admire how you have been handling all your problems. Is the problem with the nutritionist just that you don't want to talk to her/him anymore, or is it that the suggestions are not working? I guess by now, you of all people should know best what foods work for you and which ones don't. Just do your best to do what is right for you. Hang in there pal. Keep your spirits up. I am always praying for you. SH

Hi, Thanks for your support, it does mean a lot. What the problem seems to be is they do not understand that I cannot really tolerate all too much. They keep on telling me suggestions of foods that I cant eat. I believe I am frustrating them b/c they feel they are at loss of what to do and say to me. I can do pretty much only do things that will slip side down me like soups. I can eat soups, smoothies, and protein shakes w/out any problems(no foams, nausea and pains) I am beyond tired of having nausea and pains when I eat 'real food' so I will avoid them like the plague. Its like avoiding foods that will cause you to dump b/c you know what will happen. My problem(stasis) is the opposite of dumping but just has bad of a reaction. Now why would I want to do that to myself? I cant do fish, I cant really do chili, I cant do anything that isnt really slippery and/or not in a liquid. I can do tuna fish and the turkey deli meat if I put a lot of mayo in them. (I think I get a tummy ache sometimes b/c the mayo is just too much.) I can do pretty much only do things that will slip side down me. I am perfectly happy(I guess) eating soups, mushy cheese, smoothies, and protein shakes b/c I do not get nausea and pains from these. If this is the only kind of stuff I can tolerate then so be it, what can I do? It is not like I am starving myself. They keep on telling to force myself to eat bulker foods but I wont do that b/c I KNOW what will happen! Do you know how horrible it feels to foam at the mouth b/c food isnt moving in me and my three year old son is watching this happen? I just dont appreciate getting frustration and aggravation thrown at me. I have been beyond the best patient and do not deserve that. blah.

Tavia, I guess that the bottom line is that you have to do what you believe is best for you. If you feel like yelling at the dr. then write a letter and tell him how you feel. Then wait a day, reread it, rewrite it and when you are satisfied with it, mail it (it will be less emotional that way!) He will understand and You will feel better for letting your feelings known. Heaven knows you are only a few weeks since your last surgery and it takes time to heal. Best wishes and keep us posted. Our prayers continue... Linda M

Linda, Thanks for your suggestion. I think I might just do that. I will let you know how it goes. My husband is the writer so maybe I'll will have him help. It is so sad my husband said to me last night when I told him about writing a letter and mailing it, "he might think you are serving him papers when he gets the envelope in the mail." No, no. Lord knows I have voiced my irritation at the surgeon before, not that it was justified so I apologized later. I have had him walking away in tears on a few occasions. He knows that I am frustrated by my situation not at him and vice versa. I know he does want to just help but I feel like the walls are just closing in around me. It is just enough is enough. Thanks for the prayers.

I want to say GOOD FOR YOU! Its ok to get pissed and angry and VENT....I know it is all wonderful that you can keep a smile on your face through everything you have been through but for goodness sake...If i was you i would have been screaming at the world. You have been through so much and its not fair bottom line!!! You deserve a break from the damn hospital, surgeon and nutrionist. I think that having your therapist help you at this point even with food decisions is very wise of you. I get fed up when i have to go to the dr and i have not been through half of what you have. You are human{a very tolerant, loving and caring one} but you are human and one can only take so much. You dont need to be strong all the time, you dont need to be polite all the time and you dont need to smile all the time. You need to go somewhere and just scream at the top of your lungs, cry and let it all out once in a while. So if you ever want to scream, yell vent or cry....Call me. I probably wont be able to hear your screams over my kids so it wont bother me at all. I am here for you if you need me! LisaMarie

Lisamarie, I can tell you I am not smiling now! I have just had it. I am feeling like a rag doll here being thrown around from one person to another to help solve my problem. I rather just deal w/it on my own than be thrown around. This has consumed my life and I want it back. If I can only go on eating soups and protein shakes, then so be it, at least I have my life back. I just can't put into words how tired I am of being the super patient. If I see the inside of that hospital one more time I think I will literally lose it. I am always in his office and talking to him on the phone, it is just patheic. I know he is just trying to be supportive and helpful but, enough. Do you know how horrible it feels to have every office staff say "Hi Tavia, how are you feeling" or "larry is looking for you." when I walk in there? Almost every surgeon who works out of that office knows knows who I am. They stop me in the hall in his office and ask me how I am doing. I just dont want to be rude b/c I know they are just trying to be nice, but it is like I dont want every surgeon who works out of North Shore hospital to know me and my problems! It is beyond embarrasing and I just want it all to end. I dont think you want to hear me scream b/c I can go loud, but thanks for the offer! I am such a mess.

Tavia, Hun I am so sorry that you are still going through all of this s@*t!!! I know it has to get to you and you are an angel because I would NOT have made it as far as you have without ripping someones head off! This is the place you need to vent and so be it, you deserve this hun I just wish I would do something to help you and can not believe you are STILL having to deal with all of this! Hun as long as you are getting physically better then that is all that matters, the food choices you can deal with that issue later if you so choose. Stand your ground and let them know how you are feeling about this, if they have a problem with that then the hell with them! You need to do what you need to do for yourself and your family at this point! Hun we are all here for support, I for one can not totaly understand what you are going through but believe me many of us can offer you support. You have become a major part of this AMOS family and we all you hun and want what is best. take care and if you want to chat just let me know. ~hugs~ Debra P

Debra, You guys over here have been so good w/me, its so super! You guys are very helpful. You are very helpful and always have been and I thank you for that! Thanks so so much for you words of encouragement, really. i just feel like I am going to snap which I do not want to do. I have just had it. I will just go on w/my soups and protein shakes but at least I have a semi-life, does that make any sense? Take care. Thanks again.

Tavia, OMG it totaly makes sense hun, you just want to live your life without having to deal with the pain and sickness after you eat the more solid foods! I can understand that and do not blame you. ~Hugs~ We are all here for each other hun, sometimes your the windshield and sometimes your the bug We all go through these REALLY hard times at some point in our journey and need the support of others.. We are all here for you hun, vent on!!!! Debra P