pre op stuff

Hi friends, To be eligible for surgery, I have to lose 10% of my body weight prior to surgery. I'm doing pretty well so far: 18 pounds out of 30....It is hard to stay focused through all the holiday stuff, but I guess I'm doing the right thing cause the weight is coming off I am having a really tough time with a friend of mine though, and could use some support from you all. I have a friend who has been my "fat friend." We were sisters in fat-hood, and a big part of our friendship was based on trying to be self accepting of our size and be as healthy as we could. I got to a point where being fat and healthy just wasn't working for me (although I do believe for some folks it works just fine) and I made the decision to have WLS rather out of the blue, but based on a lot of research time spent learning about the benefits of WLS. My friend is now very freaked out by my decision and it could end up being the demise of our friendship. I am clear about the fact tha this is the right choice for me, and obviously not the right choice for her, but she feels I am making a poor decision. I can only imagine the roles reversed and empathize with how hard it must be for her to see me making this change in my life....but it's also very hard for me! This has not been an easy decision, and I haven't even had the surgery yet!!! Have any of you had similar issues with friends? Any words of advise? Yours in making hard decisions, Amy

Hi Amy, I think that we ALL have at least one "Fat Friend" --we all know the reasons for our decisions too! We want to be healthy , live longer, and Look good too. There is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about your decision. Your friend may just be a tiny bit jealous--she may also be fearful that you will leave her and dissolve the friendship when you have lost your weight. Your life will be different--your friend may want to do it to you --before you can do it to her. Do the best you can with her--but don't let her lack of empathy erode your resolve to have the surgery. In the end --some of the friends who were against the surgery have now done a 180 degree change and they are looking into surgery for themselves. Be Blessed ans be strong, Marian S.C. 242.4/199/goal125-130??

Hi Marian, "Be Blessed and be strong..." I like that. I will try on both counts! I think you are right that she feels threatened by my change of heart, but what upsets me is that I feel she is abandoning me, not the other way around! There are those (I used to be one of them) who believe that WLS is a cop out, and my friend surely believes this. I guess you can't make everyone happy, but what becomes clear when one tries to do something bold and brave for themselves is how unhappy it makes folks who you thought were friends! wierd ol' world, isn't it? Thanks for your wonderful words and thoughs, Amy

Amy, Hun I know many and have many overweight friends, some say good for you and others say "I would NEVER do that!" but you know what, those that said that NOW want to know how I did it and are very interested so go figure. If you said you were one of them that would NEVER do this and now you have come to accept it then your friend might as well. I know it is hard but it is not for everyone. I have a couple of friends that do not want to deal with the eating so there for they will NEVER have the surgery. when and if the time is right she will be there for you other then that please do not worry yourself over this. You are doing what YOU have to do for YOU! It is time to think that way now... ~Hugs~ Well I wish you all the best with this hun Debra P

Debra, I knew I should touch base with my OH friends! Thanks for your sound words and support. I am the kind of person who spends a lot of time caring for others (I'm a nurse!) and it's very hard for me to take care of myself...even in the face of other people's opions of HOW I take care of myself, such as my decision to have WLS. You are absolutely right that I "have to do this for [me...and] its time to think that way now." Hard challenges yield growth, right? Growth and shrinkage all at once!!! Who knew? Thank you!! Amy