Is this normal?

Hey all. Sorry for this depressing post, but I just need to vent, and I figured you all woul understand, I'm hoping.... I'm from Virginia, my husband is stationed therere. I was all set to have surgery, but I couldnt because he got deployed at last minute, so.. here I am with family. That's fine.. I like to believe everything happens for a reason... So, here I am, starting all over. I keep thinking to myself... "Why do I have to resort to this?" My last surgeon asked me why I want this surgery. Kind of a dumb question, I thought. We all want it for the same reason. Im asking myself, why do i NEED this surgery? I could absolutely lose weight with diet and excersize... 20.. 30 lbs.. whatever.. but, when you're 270 pounds, 30 lbs loss is a joke. Its like.. yeah, ok... 30 lbs.. still fat. Now, if i started at 150, it would be a different story. My problem is... I could very well lose weight on my own.. but after 30 lbs or so, I'd get discouraged... so much more to go! So much more weight to lose.. so much longer to be unhappy. IT's like a cycle that just won't end. I know we've all had that sudden burst of enthusism about losing weight.. "This is it!!" buy the good foods, work out for a bit... tada! 5 pounds lost.. "Thats all?" Now , someone may say.. if you dont have the determination to lose weight on your own.. how do you plan to do it while you get surgery?? Well, how does ANYONE do it? Ya know? Obviously we all are lacking determination to do it on our own... but it is found, when there is hope... Right now , as I wait for my seminar with Dr. Graber, I just feel hopless. It seems so far away. I have to go through EVERYTHING again. No one will just take my old records. I was never this big before I had my daughter... now, I jsut feel like a different person. I can't be the wife and mother I want to be without my "Nikki *****" as my friends and husband call it... I've lost it.. What the hell do I have to be confident about? (physically).. The fact that I wear a size 22 and I cant shop in normal stores ?Or maybe the fact that I can't even keep up with my daughter and be the mom I want.. ooooh or maybe its because I dont even like my husband to see me naked anymore because Im afraid he'll laugh at me...high blood pressure? Hmm. Thats not me! I dont know who I am anymore. Someone I never wanted to be, I do know that much. I'm not a depressed person... but its so hard not to be now. And I keep kicking my ass because I cant bring myself to do anything about it... emotionally. Im sorry everyone.. I just needed to vent to people who maybe understood? Are these feelings normal? Am I just weird? You guys dont have to respond, this is just a .... UGH moment for me... thanks for all who listend.. ~Nikki~

Nikki, I certainly can't speak for everyone but can speak for my self. I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I can remember feeling exactly like you do about some things - I don't have children of my own but have loads of nieces and nephews that I could never keep up with, high blood pressure - me too, not wanting husband and then long term boyfriend to see me without clothes, depressed etc. I used to get mad at myself for not being able to lose weight but you know what - that's who we are. I truly believe in this surgery. I am 5 months post-op (74 lbs lighter) and have NEVER felt better in my life, both physically and mentally. The energy level is so much greater than before too. I used to think that I had to settle/accept things because I was obese and after all, who could love a fat girl. I'm starting to realize just who I am and it's a pretty good feeling to know that I do deserve the best this life has to offer - and so do you. This WLS is the very best thing I have ever done FOR MYSELF - and it feels wonderful. If you ever want to talk, email me at [email protected] and I'll give you my phone number. This board is a great place to visit every day - there's so much love and energy here. Visit us often. I wish the very best for you and please know you are not alone. Bye for now. Cindee 310/236/?

Nikki, Hun first off please take a deep breath and try to relax, what you are feeling is normal. I know for myself I went through a period that I was frustrated and upset with myself for letting me get this bad that I needed surgery! Asking all these questions: why cant I just lose this now so I dont have to go through this surgery???? Is this the right thing to do????? How did I let it get this bad????? Why do I have to live with this????? and there are so many more, this is a very emotional journey, that is why they call it a roller coaster of emotions and "they" are right! You are not weird hun, we all have to deal with these new feeling instead of just eating them away! I can totaly understand when you say about the 30 lbs to lose thing because losting 100+ lbs is hard and with this tool we can do this! I am not sure why you have to start all the testing over again since they are good for 6 months to a years time? But hun, what every you have to do you will get through this because you WANT a better life for you and your family! I am sure the fact that you are not with your hubby is not helping at this crazy time. Hang in there and please lean on us here, we ARE your AMOS family....Hun if you want to chat just email me at [email protected] and I will give you my numbers or you can leave yours. ~hugs~ Debra P

Nikki, We have all felt that way--oh, yes we tell ourselves that our main goal is to be healthy--but let's face it we are women --and the world (men and women alike) judges us by our outer appearance. We are connected mentally to our physical appearance. We ALL want to look good , to look sexy, and to feel confident when we are with people. I don't think that you are weak because you can't stick to a diet--over 80% of those who lose weight gain it back and then some (personally --I think that that number is LOW). I have plenty of will power--But I also have Hashimoto's disease(a thyroid condition that makes losing weight a very difficult , almost impossible thing to do). I was on weigh****chers for almost three years and lost sixty pounds. then I couldn't exercise because of pain in my joints and gained it all back in six months. I am sure that you and just about everyone on these boards has a similar story. We have all tried, and become discouraged and depressed. We all needed something to help us stick to our guns--the pouch is NOT a quick fix--We have to have even MORE willpower than before. So don't feel bad--Just know that you are doing the very best that you can. Be Blessed, Marian S.C.