My Hubby Objects

Hi to all! I wanted to start by saying how much I admire you all for the courage you have shown in taking such a huge step. I am presently working through my journey toward WLS. In fact I meet with my doctor next week to submit info to my insurance and possibly set a surgery date. (this journey began in April) I have many questions still and am constantly thinking about my post-op days. I also have many worries...but I'm a worry wort anyway. One of my biggest hurdles has and still is, my husband. He is very nervous about it all and I am sure for many different reasons. I am struggling with whether I should go through with the WLS if his bottom line becomes that he cannot support my surgery. I am hoping my doctor will be able to show him how this is the best option for me (I weigh 330lbs and have a BMI of 55) I have told my hubby that I might die if I don't have the surgery but he still feels that the "better way" is to try another "lifestyle" change rather than do something so drastic. I have the complete support of everyone else in my life that I care about...just not my husband. Has anyone else out there had to deal with the objection for the surgery from a loved one? How did you make it through it all? Thank you so much for being there and for letting me babble. HAPPY INDEPENDANCE DAY EVERYONE!!!

Hi Karen, you didn't mention if your husband has accompanied you to your appointments. I know tha that going with me and attending a support group meeting helped my hubby. He was also concerned mostly because it was major surgery. He understood why I made the decision and had seen my many weight loss attempts, and how frustrated I was. I would strongly encourage you to have him go with you to the doctor and a support group meeting. And if you haven't bought it already buy "Weight Loss Surgery Finding the Thin Person Hiding Inside You" by Barbara Thompson, it has a chapter written by her husband for all the significant others of WLS patients. Good luck and I hope you still decide to have your surgery. Dawn

Hi Karen I'm sorry to hear that you have such a hard decision to make -- a decision that is similar to the one I had to go through. When I first decided that this surgery was my last chance of breaking through the chains of fat that seem to keep growing around me, my husband thought I was crazy. He told me that if I wanted to lose weight then all I had to do was cut back on calories and exercise more and I'd lose weight just like everyone else. What he couldn't understand was that diet and exercise alone didn't work for me -- I have a really bad back and doing much of anything leaves me laid up for days and crying in pain. He couldn't understand that I needed this surgery or I was going to end up dead from my weight. He still doesn't understand. But I had to make the decision that was right for me and not let anyone else influence me. Even though you are married, Karen, doesn't mean that you aren't responsible for your own body or that you can't make your own decisions regarding what is best for your body. Talk to your husband.. explain why you are going to have the surgery and reassure him that just because you are going to have a new healthy body doesn't mean that you are going to want a new husband, lover, playmate, etc. (many husbands are afraid that once their wives lose weight they are going to look for someone "new and exciting"). Explain to him that you understand there are risks but that you are confident in your doctor and are not going to dwell on the worst case scenarios.. (I saw that you lost a close family member to complications, so this will be a hard sell.. just be calm and understanding and confident). Above all else, explain to him that the chances of you living a long life are a lot smaller if you don't have the surgery -- and that you want to be around to grow old with him. Good luck to you. I know that it is hard when your husband doesn't embrace your decision, but remember that this is ultimately your decision and if you allow someone else to make it for you, you will grow to resent that. Please feel free to contact me anytime you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. Hugs, Lisa Z 20 days and counting...

Dear Karen, I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. I know my husband was nervous about the surgery and he didn't necessarily want me to have it, but wouldn't of stopped me. (I'm pre-op now -- haven't gotten a date yet). He attended a pre-op meeting with me and even commented how much more comfortable he was with me making this decision, and even said that maybe he would consider it for himself. Maybe he could attend one of those meetings with you -- he might feel differently. I wish you much luck with your decision and remember to come back for the support. Debbie

Karen, Hun I am sorry that you are going through this with your hubby but I have to say mine was worried about me having the surgery but would not have stopped me. I did bring him on every meeting I went to, he learned so much and was a little more comfortable with my choice. That might help some if your husband goes with you as well. I wish you the best with your journey and please if you have any questions post them here because this place is awesome with support and friendship....~hugs~ Take care and have a great holiday weekend.... Debra P