WLD QUESTION OF THE DAY

Something that Rosie posted to me got me to thinking about the attitudes of post-ops and what changes them for the better or for the worse. Let's be real folks - we all know that many of us are basically the same old folks we've always been even though we've shed dozens of pounds. But we all know at least ONE post-op friend that we're raising our eyebrows at (to put it nicely). I have to say that personally, I am happy that most of my pre-op cronies are the same cool folks they have always been. But there's a sprinkling of folks who need an ego-check. Nothing wrong with being happy, feeling good, getting a well-deserved shot of healthy self-esteem and even bragging on yourself a little bit. But someone mentioned to me that some folks were only nice pre-op because their self-esteem was so low that it was the only way they thought they could keep folks around the and then once they lost the weight, they changed their whole hospitable demeanor. Some folks develop a "how ya like me now?" attitude and got a smaller waist line but a bigger head. When I think about this, I say that if your humanity is genuine, then it will definitely survive WLS. If it's just something you do because you think you HAVE to do it or else folks wouldn't want to be around you - that spells a problem. What say you?

I think your comment about "smaller waist but bigger head" can be accurate in individual cases. I know someone who had WLS and now you can barely talk to her, yet everyone else I know are the same people as before. I love who I am becoming but will never forget the struggles I went through. I read an interesting quote: Life is a boomerang, what you give, you get back... I think it certainly pertains to your questions... L- Surgery:4/21/05 Down 31 lbs

Laura - I definitely agree with that boomerang statement. That is all too true!

Hello there Renee! Long Time no...see? speak? hmmm... I just dropped in here to say hello to everyone and see how everyone is doing and I am so EXCITED to see you here! Call or email me sometime! In response to your post.... In group several months ago we were talking about just that. It seems that some folks felt that they were kinda 'doormats' when they were fat and they would smile alot and joke through much of the pain they were feeling. Others felt that their attitudes really hadn't changed postop and that they are just as happy and emotionally unchanged as ever. For me I'm not sure. My husband says that sometimes I'm *****ier, but I'm not sure that I didn't feel that way inside preop. Maybe I just kept it all inside and ate away my frustrations. Now that I cannot eat away my feelings, they are much more raw (sometimes) and I feel more free to just throw them out there and let whatever happens happen. Most of my friends and family say that I haven't changed at all (well except for losing the weight! ) But in some ways I know I have changed emotionally. For example, instead of me putting up with my husbands little annoying comments, I usually confront him about it (see 'being *****ier' above), and let him know that it is NOT okay to treat me this way. I am glad that WLS has afforded me the confidence to stand up for myself! On the other hand, my relationship with my husband has changed drastically now that I don't let him walk all over me. In some ways that is good, but in other ways it kinda sux. I think that the good outweighs the bad and we will continue to try and work things out as we go along. If not, well Que sera sera...(whatever will be will be) Right? In some other ways it has been a weird journey. I used to get the ever so annoying comments (ie: "you would be soooo pretty if you'd just lose some weight.") preop, but not I get a different version of the annoying comment. Now I get "When are you going to stop losing weight? , You are getting too skinny! " or " You look too thin you need to eat more!" or even worse..."Why don't you GAIN some weight? You are too skinny now!" These people REALLY get my back up, and much of the time I try and ignore it since it is probably well meant, but sometimes I just let it fly! I didn't through all of this to hear all these obnoxious comments! I did this for me, and I am maintaining my weight now! If they don't like it...well tough tittie! I am proud of all I've accomplished and I don't need anyone to rain on my parade! I guess that said, I HAVE changed as a postop (ONE YEAR YESTERDAY!!! WOOHOO!) I am more vocal (imagine that! ) and I stand up more for myself. I think thats a bonus that I didn't expect! Well I hope that answers your question. Hope to talk to you again soon! Love, Yvonne

YVONNE!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT'S UP, GIRL? I hardly recognized you. How are you? Glad to see you stop in from time to time. I had been away for a while too. Just didn't have the time like I used to but I said I wanted to make sure I came back here when I do have some time and I have. Hope you and your family are doing well and tell your sister I said hey! Now back to the topic - you raised some very good points in your post above. I think there is definitely a difference between finding new-found confidence and developing your own voice after the surgery and becoming a straight up ego-trippin' b*tch. There are some folks *****ally just turn into something QUITE DIFFERENT than the way they were pre-op and in some cases I know of, it's more of a thing that now that they're no longer large, they can tell the world to kiss where the sun don't shine. See, in my opinion, these folks have issues that WLS made worse. I can understand that there are some that became the class clown, the life of the party, the sweetheart that everyone could count on because that covered up the pain they were going thru inside and because it kept people close to them. I don't condone ANYONE to be a doormat or to allow folks to use you because you think you are substandard (due to excess weight.) That is insanity. HOWEVER, if you chose to go that route, don't take it out on other people when you lose weight and begin to think you're something. You were ALWAYS something. And if folks walked all over you before, it's because you ALLOWED IT - so take some responsibility for your actions. I guess my whole point in creating this was to underscore that real is real is real. If your heart was pure in how you deal with folks pre-op, it will most likely stay the same post-op. But if you were operating under the guise of pain, or compulsive-compliance, or unworthiness, etc. - then it can be VERY SURPRISING how your attitude can change once you have shed the extra weight. I know that once you know what a person has been thru and where they come from, it better helps you to understand where they are right now. But I say that everyone doesn't have all that prior information on you so the way you come across right here and right now is how they are going to judge you and perceive you. A lot of post-ops get judged severely for having "big heads" now when in reality, they may just have gotten tired of kissing the world's behind for all these years and now feel they no longer have to. Still, being a post-op that had pre-op issues does not make you exempt from accountability. I am so proud of myself (and my surgeon) sometimes that I could burst. I am THRILLED at what I've accomplished. But I must stay humble because I did not do this by myself. God was guiding the hand of the surgeon and the surgeon rearranged my plumbing to do what I could not accomplish on my own without the surgery. That keeps me grounded. I had personality quirks before surgery that I still have. But I don't ever want to become one of those who thinks I'm all that and a side of fries (oops - excuse the expression) because I am not longer tearing up the sidewalk when I walk down the street. Ok so that's my sermon for the day I guess. (Yvonne - I will speak with you later )

Oh and by the way, I hope you didn't think I was referring to "you" in my manuscript above. I just have a habit of saying "you" when speaking of folks in general. (Just wanted to clear that up since things sometimes get misconstrued in writing)

Yvonne, Thats how I feel at times I guess. I mean I'm only 3 weeks out and I just feel different at times, lIke when I walk into church I feel people stare at me and I'm like "whatever" but thats not the way I am. I love people but I think people make you change. Or could it be that they are telling themselves that I lost wieght? I dont know! But I do feel different,dont get me wrong I'm not going to change my ways with people. I'm a people person.(I HOP!) xoxoxox Rosie

****HIjack*** Hey Yvonne It's so good to see you. It's been such a long time. Glenda

Hi Renee I know several people who have had wls 2 of them have died but they were the same perosn they were before surgery and one person I work with and he is also the same person he was before surgery....althou nobody that I work with knows that I had WLS, they just think that I am eating right and exercising to lose weight.... I don't think that I have changed as a person, I have always thought of others and always put others first.....I was also the funny fat lady at the parties and I was always the host, well honey I guess I have change a little, but it's just I don't host parties lately cause I don't eat.....and I do put myself 1st now which I think is a good thing.....but my atitude is still the same I try to help when I can, I haven't gotten ****y since surgery I really don't think I will but I don't let people walk all over me either.....but I don't think that's what you are talking about..... I love my family and friends and I will always be there for them.....I may have changed in weight but my heart is still the same.... This was a good post thanks.....self reflections..... You have a great day... Christine

Some people's spirit is genuine and it is so obvious. You are one of those people Christine and I don't think weight loss could EVER change that.