SHARE YOUR WOW MOMENT
Hello OH Members!
Do you have a Wow moment to share with OH Members/readers? (For OH Magazine or the new OH Newsletter) If so, I would love to hear from you. Please email [email protected] and share your Wow moment! Please also send hi res photos, perhaps something that reflects on your Wow moment!
All my best,
Tammy Colter
OH Magazine
Editor-In-Chief
Publisher
I wrote a blog...it has wow moments and great thoughts in it:
Post Date: 4/28/09 1:12 pm
I am down 175 pounds! I now weigh 240 with 40 more to goal by October 1st.
Funny how in this "skinny assed" body, I can fit 3 me's.
The first me is the "Old me". The "fat" me. It's the guy I've been all my life. The one I still see in the mirror every morning. The one has been there 39 of the last 40 years of my life. A friend recently said you have to forget the old you. You have to stop taking out a picture and saying that's what I USED to look like. That I've gotten better (and younger) looking. I don't see it. It's not as easy as letting the old you go. You were like that all of your life. It's not easy to let go of that image. It's also a proud thing to show the pic and show how far you've come. It almost re-enforces it to yourself.
The second me, is the real me. The guy who's always been inside me. The one I tried to get people to know from the old, fat me. The old me they couldn't get past to see the REAL me. The real me is now struggling with body image and relationships. Seems the image of the old me and new me fight inside the real me. It causes some depression and grief. Add to that dating (or in my case, lack there-of), and it hurts. More than people realize. I'm still the same guy in a new body. A new body I'm not used to or yet comfortable in. When a woman I'm interested in turns me down, it adds to the negative side...making me more depressed. It becomes a self-esteem issue. I went through this surgery for my health, but SOME vanity is coming out...but when you are turned down, you realize that your mental image of vanity isn't all it's cracked up to be...
Then there's the new me. The one new people see and old friend/co-workers don't know. I was in a resurant with mirrors not too long ago. I saw this guy in the mirror. I was moving around trying to see who it was because I thought he looked familiar. As I moved, so did he - I thought he was busting my chops. It suddenly occured to me that the guy in the mirror was ME. Not used to the new me.
Some conflicts that you go through:
1. Resturaunt booths. You walk up and say - I'm NEVER going to fit - yet you do!
2. Bathrooms. I used to pick the handicapped stall because I had room to move around and shut the door properly. I still go to that stall...even though I don't need to.
3. Clothes. I still find myself shopping the 2-3-4X rack instead of the in the "normal" size area. Still can't comprehend that I'm a shirt size of Large (Not even X-L!!!). That my underwear went from 3x to Medium! Pants from a VERY tight 52 (Should have had 54s) down to a 36!
4. Clothes. Clothes I've bought and worn and washed, I fold it and say - damn - it shrunk! Or that's not mine - it belongs to some young kid. Can't get past that visual image of me "new" size...
5. Space. When walking in crowds I always would need to find large opening and say excuse me. I still do it, then realize I didn't even come close to the people.
6. Space. Moving aside, sucking in my non-existant gut and trying to keep my non-existant ass out of the way. With no need because I don't take up that much room anymore.
7. Dancing. I never used to dance, because my huge gut got in the way of girls rubbing on me. I still suck in my gut, but it's not needed.
See, most people don't know what us surgically altered freaks go through mentally. It's one reason we are required to see shrinks before surgery.
It's hard. You can't just forget who you were - if you did, the journey is meaningless and disappointing. The image of who you were, drives you to succeed on this journey. You can't, won't and don't ever want to forget who your were and where you came from. The hard part is not letting those images get the best of you. Use them only for the good and not the negative - which is the hardest part...since when most us where "fat", we had negative thoughts of ourselves.
Freaks like us wonder what others see - which one of the 3 "me"s do they see? We see all three...and it can get really confusing and worrisome.
The hardest thing is to balance all the images. Embrace them. Use them to our advantage. While it's hard, we will eventually get there though hard work and determination. We didn't rearrange our guts on a whim. We didn't take the "easy way out". We have to live with ourselves like this the rest of out lives.
We ARE freaks...And THAT's a label I wear with honor!
Post Date: 4/28/09 1:12 pm
I am down 175 pounds! I now weigh 240 with 40 more to goal by October 1st.
Funny how in this "skinny assed" body, I can fit 3 me's.
The first me is the "Old me". The "fat" me. It's the guy I've been all my life. The one I still see in the mirror every morning. The one has been there 39 of the last 40 years of my life. A friend recently said you have to forget the old you. You have to stop taking out a picture and saying that's what I USED to look like. That I've gotten better (and younger) looking. I don't see it. It's not as easy as letting the old you go. You were like that all of your life. It's not easy to let go of that image. It's also a proud thing to show the pic and show how far you've come. It almost re-enforces it to yourself.
The second me, is the real me. The guy who's always been inside me. The one I tried to get people to know from the old, fat me. The old me they couldn't get past to see the REAL me. The real me is now struggling with body image and relationships. Seems the image of the old me and new me fight inside the real me. It causes some depression and grief. Add to that dating (or in my case, lack there-of), and it hurts. More than people realize. I'm still the same guy in a new body. A new body I'm not used to or yet comfortable in. When a woman I'm interested in turns me down, it adds to the negative side...making me more depressed. It becomes a self-esteem issue. I went through this surgery for my health, but SOME vanity is coming out...but when you are turned down, you realize that your mental image of vanity isn't all it's cracked up to be...
Then there's the new me. The one new people see and old friend/co-workers don't know. I was in a resurant with mirrors not too long ago. I saw this guy in the mirror. I was moving around trying to see who it was because I thought he looked familiar. As I moved, so did he - I thought he was busting my chops. It suddenly occured to me that the guy in the mirror was ME. Not used to the new me.
Some conflicts that you go through:
1. Resturaunt booths. You walk up and say - I'm NEVER going to fit - yet you do!
2. Bathrooms. I used to pick the handicapped stall because I had room to move around and shut the door properly. I still go to that stall...even though I don't need to.
3. Clothes. I still find myself shopping the 2-3-4X rack instead of the in the "normal" size area. Still can't comprehend that I'm a shirt size of Large (Not even X-L!!!). That my underwear went from 3x to Medium! Pants from a VERY tight 52 (Should have had 54s) down to a 36!
4. Clothes. Clothes I've bought and worn and washed, I fold it and say - damn - it shrunk! Or that's not mine - it belongs to some young kid. Can't get past that visual image of me "new" size...
5. Space. When walking in crowds I always would need to find large opening and say excuse me. I still do it, then realize I didn't even come close to the people.
6. Space. Moving aside, sucking in my non-existant gut and trying to keep my non-existant ass out of the way. With no need because I don't take up that much room anymore.
7. Dancing. I never used to dance, because my huge gut got in the way of girls rubbing on me. I still suck in my gut, but it's not needed.
See, most people don't know what us surgically altered freaks go through mentally. It's one reason we are required to see shrinks before surgery.
It's hard. You can't just forget who you were - if you did, the journey is meaningless and disappointing. The image of who you were, drives you to succeed on this journey. You can't, won't and don't ever want to forget who your were and where you came from. The hard part is not letting those images get the best of you. Use them only for the good and not the negative - which is the hardest part...since when most us where "fat", we had negative thoughts of ourselves.
Freaks like us wonder what others see - which one of the 3 "me"s do they see? We see all three...and it can get really confusing and worrisome.
The hardest thing is to balance all the images. Embrace them. Use them to our advantage. While it's hard, we will eventually get there though hard work and determination. We didn't rearrange our guts on a whim. We didn't take the "easy way out". We have to live with ourselves like this the rest of out lives.
We ARE freaks...And THAT's a label I wear with honor!
Obesity Help Support Group Leader
Just read your message and you put into words the way I been feeling. I went to a reunion last weekend and everyone kept saying how good I look and I just have a hard time believing this. I had surgery almost three months ago and I never know how to answer the how much have you lost ? From the firs Dr. visit when I started on this journey or just the amount after the surgery.
That number is from the day I saw the doctor and started this journey. Right now I weigh 226, or 189 pound lost...
If I go from my highest, it's 224 lost (was 450 at one point!). I have basically become half the person I once was...how do you put THAT into words?!?!?!
I laugh and yet smile with pride (inside) when I say I'm half the man I once was! LOL
If I go from my highest, it's 224 lost (was 450 at one point!). I have basically become half the person I once was...how do you put THAT into words?!?!?!
I laugh and yet smile with pride (inside) when I say I'm half the man I once was! LOL
Obesity Help Support Group Leader
Don - I just read your post all the way through. You put into words so much of what I feel. Thank you for sharing and your insights. Deb
"The road to health will have speed bumps, pot holes, stop signs and asshole drivers that cut you off... but with WLS, never doubt that you will get there."
Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.--- Jack Nicklaus
Trust me... took me a while to come up with that. I think we ALL feel these things...I talk to a few others at the bar I (still) bounce at - kinda have a mini-support group going there! LOL We all have these thoughts and feelings...
Glad I could help you out - that's what I'm here for!
Glad I could help you out - that's what I'm here for!
Obesity Help Support Group Leader
Hi Don,
Thank you for your response! I am interested in actually sharing your blog with our OH Magazine readers. do you have any high resolution photos of yourself that you can email to me at: [email protected]
All my best,
Tammy Colter
Editor-In-Chief
OH Magazine
Thank you for your response! I am interested in actually sharing your blog with our OH Magazine readers. do you have any high resolution photos of yourself that you can email to me at: [email protected]
All my best,
Tammy Colter
Editor-In-Chief
OH Magazine
Very well written....loved reading your blog. I can relate a lot to it. Recently, I blogged something and was saying how I feel thinner when I work out, I feel thinner when I try on clothes, but yet in my head, I don't equate the words slim or skinny with myself. People will say "Hey slim" or "Hey skinny" and I would never describe myself like that.
Glad to know I'm not the only "freak"!!! Great blog Donbab!!
Thank you for your post!
It put into words how I've been feeling yet unable to express!
It's good to know that I am not alone and that this too shall pass!
Keep in touch and let me know how things are going!
LisaRae
It put into words how I've been feeling yet unable to express!
It's good to know that I am not alone and that this too shall pass!
Keep in touch and let me know how things are going!
LisaRae
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
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