Steps to Forgiveness
Steps to Forgiveness
1. Confront your emotional pain - your shock, fear, anger, and grief. Recognize that the hurt that has occurred may have been very unfair and that these steps are not meant to minimize the hurt involved.
2. Realize that forgiveness can only be appropriate after you have processed out your fear, anger, and grief. However, also realize that you can set forgiveness as a goal in the future for your sake now! Recognize that to continue to dwell on the anger and resentment involved in the hurt will literally destroy your physical health, and cause you great mental suffering. New studies clearly show that anger and resentment doubled the risk of myocardial heart attacks in women with previous coronary problems. Other studies indicate cancer and other deadly illnesses are also caused by anger and resentment. So be willing, for your sake, to begin to process out these deadly emotions as soon as possible.
3. Understand that love is what you ultimately want for yourself from yourself.
4. Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused. We forgive the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles of behavior.
5. Realize that you are the only person responsible for your own feelings and for healing the hurt that is going on inside of you.
6. Remember that you are so powerful that usually you had some part in what happened. Be willing to totally face up to that part and accept it without blame (to forgive and love that part).
7. See this situation as an opportunity for healing and for growth. See that the other person involved has revealed to you through his or her actions where there was a wounded spot in you which needed healing.
8. Start releasing anger, sadness, grief, and fear through the many processes, therapies and therapists available. Have a person to work with who can truly empathize with you, yet who can be objective and help you shift your perception from blame to healing.
9. Decide to forgive. Even if this decision is half-hearted at first, it will probably lessen your hurt and anger immediately. Notice that this decision can be difficult because after you have processes out the anger, resentment and grief, you will have to give up the grudge - the being a "victim", "being right" and making the other person "wrong". Notice that this is "superior" position which can be used to get a lot of self-righteous attention. Be willing, for your sake to have the courage to get off that "superior" position.
10. Be willing to find a new way to think about the person who wronged you. What was his or her life like growing up? What was his or her life like at the time of the offense? What were this person's good points up to the time of the hurt? Notice you may not be able to see much good within until you have processed out your anger and/or grief or fear. They are adults who are responsible for their own actions, but they may be controlled by their own fears, addictions, character defects....and may there fore be in a denial state of their own which cannot be reasonable or rational and has absolutely nothing to do with "YOU". YOU are not responsible for anyone's thoughts or actions except your own. YOU cannot change another person and YOU cannot change their thought or their actions "EVER". Remember, we cannot be in a co-dependant relationship alone - "EVER" (though sometimes we're co-dependant w/ ourselves!)
11. Be aware that being forgiving is a courageous act on your part. It has nothing to do with whether the other person can admit they are wrong. You are forgiving to liberate yourself no matter what the other person decides to do.
12. Be willing to do and learn whatever it takes to forgive. Commit to do processes, to read courageous stories of forgiveness, to write in journals, to see a therapist, to do training's, or to do whatever it takes to heal the wounds involved. Remember these wounds may be deeply tied to past hurts going back to your interactions with your parents. Resolve to follow them through for your total healing, even if it involves years of effort to heal. Remember that you are determined to find the true happiness and joy that true forgiveness can bring to your life.
13. If you believe in a Higher Power, be willing to pray on this problem and to turn to this Higher Power for guidance and assistance in the forgiveness process.
14. Accept the lessons involved in this incident -- our lives are laboratories for learning. What have you learned from this event that is invaluable to you? Has some form of attachment to a belief or beliefs a position has caused you the pain involved? What belief or beliefs were involved?
15. We all contemplate every situation, conversation, actions etc. from our own perspectives which are rooted in our own belief systems that were put into place through our own specific set of life cir****tances which commenced from very early on in life. Some of these beliefs may be somewhat defective, extremely faulty or at the very least outdated. You need to be in the present with consciousness about your current reality and take responsibility for only you. You cannot think, feel, see or understand from anyone's perspective except your own.And other people cannot truly think, feel, see or understand anything from your perspective either. Remember, anyone reacting to you or commenting or criticizing you can only do so from information derived from their own belief system which may or may not be, but probably is faulty in some respects and most certainly has nothing to do with you.
16. If you have the willingness and when and if it is appropriate, seek feedback (NOT validation) from the other person by being willing to say "I'm sorry that I did..." (for whatever it is that you feel contributed to the problem).
17. Regardless of what the other person does, work towards seeing yourself with love and goodness. Look towards forgiveness of the other person and know that when you work towards these goals love and goodness are thus flowing to you for your mental and physical health and well-being.
18. See that everything is okay, possibly perfect, as it is now - trust that you are right where you need to be....
1. Confront your emotional pain - your shock, fear, anger, and grief. Recognize that the hurt that has occurred may have been very unfair and that these steps are not meant to minimize the hurt involved.
2. Realize that forgiveness can only be appropriate after you have processed out your fear, anger, and grief. However, also realize that you can set forgiveness as a goal in the future for your sake now! Recognize that to continue to dwell on the anger and resentment involved in the hurt will literally destroy your physical health, and cause you great mental suffering. New studies clearly show that anger and resentment doubled the risk of myocardial heart attacks in women with previous coronary problems. Other studies indicate cancer and other deadly illnesses are also caused by anger and resentment. So be willing, for your sake, to begin to process out these deadly emotions as soon as possible.
3. Understand that love is what you ultimately want for yourself from yourself.
4. Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused. We forgive the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles of behavior.
5. Realize that you are the only person responsible for your own feelings and for healing the hurt that is going on inside of you.
6. Remember that you are so powerful that usually you had some part in what happened. Be willing to totally face up to that part and accept it without blame (to forgive and love that part).
7. See this situation as an opportunity for healing and for growth. See that the other person involved has revealed to you through his or her actions where there was a wounded spot in you which needed healing.
8. Start releasing anger, sadness, grief, and fear through the many processes, therapies and therapists available. Have a person to work with who can truly empathize with you, yet who can be objective and help you shift your perception from blame to healing.
9. Decide to forgive. Even if this decision is half-hearted at first, it will probably lessen your hurt and anger immediately. Notice that this decision can be difficult because after you have processes out the anger, resentment and grief, you will have to give up the grudge - the being a "victim", "being right" and making the other person "wrong". Notice that this is "superior" position which can be used to get a lot of self-righteous attention. Be willing, for your sake to have the courage to get off that "superior" position.
10. Be willing to find a new way to think about the person who wronged you. What was his or her life like growing up? What was his or her life like at the time of the offense? What were this person's good points up to the time of the hurt? Notice you may not be able to see much good within until you have processed out your anger and/or grief or fear. They are adults who are responsible for their own actions, but they may be controlled by their own fears, addictions, character defects....and may there fore be in a denial state of their own which cannot be reasonable or rational and has absolutely nothing to do with "YOU". YOU are not responsible for anyone's thoughts or actions except your own. YOU cannot change another person and YOU cannot change their thought or their actions "EVER". Remember, we cannot be in a co-dependant relationship alone - "EVER" (though sometimes we're co-dependant w/ ourselves!)
11. Be aware that being forgiving is a courageous act on your part. It has nothing to do with whether the other person can admit they are wrong. You are forgiving to liberate yourself no matter what the other person decides to do.
12. Be willing to do and learn whatever it takes to forgive. Commit to do processes, to read courageous stories of forgiveness, to write in journals, to see a therapist, to do training's, or to do whatever it takes to heal the wounds involved. Remember these wounds may be deeply tied to past hurts going back to your interactions with your parents. Resolve to follow them through for your total healing, even if it involves years of effort to heal. Remember that you are determined to find the true happiness and joy that true forgiveness can bring to your life.
13. If you believe in a Higher Power, be willing to pray on this problem and to turn to this Higher Power for guidance and assistance in the forgiveness process.
14. Accept the lessons involved in this incident -- our lives are laboratories for learning. What have you learned from this event that is invaluable to you? Has some form of attachment to a belief or beliefs a position has caused you the pain involved? What belief or beliefs were involved?
15. We all contemplate every situation, conversation, actions etc. from our own perspectives which are rooted in our own belief systems that were put into place through our own specific set of life cir****tances which commenced from very early on in life. Some of these beliefs may be somewhat defective, extremely faulty or at the very least outdated. You need to be in the present with consciousness about your current reality and take responsibility for only you. You cannot think, feel, see or understand from anyone's perspective except your own.And other people cannot truly think, feel, see or understand anything from your perspective either. Remember, anyone reacting to you or commenting or criticizing you can only do so from information derived from their own belief system which may or may not be, but probably is faulty in some respects and most certainly has nothing to do with you.
16. If you have the willingness and when and if it is appropriate, seek feedback (NOT validation) from the other person by being willing to say "I'm sorry that I did..." (for whatever it is that you feel contributed to the problem).
17. Regardless of what the other person does, work towards seeing yourself with love and goodness. Look towards forgiveness of the other person and know that when you work towards these goals love and goodness are thus flowing to you for your mental and physical health and well-being.
18. See that everything is okay, possibly perfect, as it is now - trust that you are right where you need to be....
Take Care, 
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
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