This really brought me down....

So, I guess I misjudged some people by thinking that EVERYONE on here is so wonderful.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I really have found 99% of people on here to be really wonderful and that is why I love coming here to just read or chat, ask for input or even give it.

I am just 2 months out and I am sure I have alot to learn. I'm sure I make mistakes..how could I not? I am not perfect and never claim to be. I just stumble along, trying to do my best....trying really hard.

But now I sit here totally deflated, wiping tears of doubt and hurt from my eyes.

Well, here's what happened. I will not name any names...though I'm sure you can find it if you try.

I was on the RNY message board and I responded to someone's question about when we can have nuts. I mentioned that I never asked my doc but I have eaten them for a while, maybe since 1 month. I said I do make sure to chew them well
Now, maybe  am wrong...maybe some seasoned RNY'ers will say that is not a good idea. Maybe I am a total idiot...

 I mean, I am trying my best at this...I want more than anything to succeed. Maybe people have different reasons for having this surgery...maybe some are not only 28 and sick...so sick they'll never be able to have a baby...never be able to have a life with their newlywed husband....but I am. I want a child, so much that it almost kills me. I want to be healthy.
So, I try my best...for the rest of my life....I hope that I continue doing my best..I'm sure I'll get sidetracked...how could I not....but, I hope if I do, that I will be able to get back on track.

Anyway...speaking of back on track.....
So, one person responded to me that I am "too early out for nuts." Now I appreciate the advice, but I thought the person's manner was as if she was telling me what to do. I just feel like that is not fair for somebody who doesn't know me to tell me what I should do. So, I responded in a firm manner about how I felt it wasn't right to tell me what to do.
So, I stumble upon a post of hers on the Rants and Raves board, where she copied and pasted my post. Then she and numerous others began bashing me, calling me *****y, a moron, etc.
And, then people on the RNY board added similar things...

I wasn't trying to be a ***** Really. I was just trying to stand up for myself. I welcome advice from people---totally. But, I am in charge of my weightloss. I am the only one who should tell me what to do.
So, I feel like I should never post on there again...I feel like a jerk. I was only trying to say don't instruct me on what to do.
Maybe they are right about me...I mean, I guess if so many people agreed with her....
Anyway....thanks for listening....well...reading.
And, I promise not to yell at anybody if they respond. LOL Most people on here are soooo nice!
By the way...you can guarantee I will never want to eat a nut again!

So, please restore my faith in people....I mean, I can admit when I am wrong and maybe I was too harsh with her....but...I just feel like a fool.

hi there,

    these online forums can be of great help. however you are gonna come across all kinds of people. I love to read posts of pre and post patients. However I would never take any of the responses to heart. If I have a question I need to know the answer to I will call my Dr or and Dietician.  Yes a little question like yours about nuts  should be able to be answered here but if you called your dietician's office I am sure they would answer that for you. It best to stay in your Dr's guidelines he/she has pointed you to a dietician because that is who he/she wants you to work with.


Keep your chin up!  You are doing just fine. Remember no two people are the same. We all heal at our own rate. So to someone at the time out as you might be further or behind you in what they tolerate..



good luck! 

  Heather, 

OK... first and foremost... I have to say WOW! I did read all three threads... partially because Im nosy and secondly because I hate to open my moth when I have no clue what I am talking about.

Secondly.... HEATHER!!!!!!!! You are doing absolutely amazing!!! 50lbs!!! 50lbs in 2 months!!!!! Forget everyone else! WLS is personal journey. We all make mistakes. We all have failures and successes. 

Ok starting with the first thread... I am going to play devils advocate for a second. She was giving you advice. I dont know how good it was as I didnt have RNY... The way she gave the advice on the other hand could have been altered. If she is the "expert" people claim her to be she is no expert in bedside manner. Her issue is her inflated ego. She needs to realize that when dealing with a "newbie" so to speak you cant just assume that person knows you have some sort of expertise in the feild you have to word your advice properly. What she should have said is.... Hey Heather, Congrats on your weight loss and success post op. I just wanted to lend you a piece of advice. Most doctors or nuts suggest waiting a few months before eating nuts. You might want to check with your doctor or nut. Good Luck... NAME....

I can totally understand why you got upset. When I was a newbie That would have sent my off the radar too. Actually it probably would have sent me to the Ice cream.... Because I do understand why you did this as I did it for the same exact reasons! I also understand if we fail at this we will feel like there is no more hope no more baby. etc... 

Please please please. Don't take it to heart.  You were extremely graceful in the way you handled it and you were the bigger man so to speak. 

Cheer up honey! You are doing amazing!!!
Im hear if you need annything!
Rach

Thanks, Rachel! Good to know you have my back! You're a great person! So glad we're friends!!!

Big Hugs, Heather

 Me too!!! 

<<<<<>>>>>
Rach

 Wow ok so I just read my post and realized I MAJORLY need to start using the spell check button!!!! OMG! hahahaha
Rach

I won't hold it against you! haha

Hi Heather,

I read your posts alot and appreciate your sincerity and warmth. Please don't let anyone take your sunshine! Like it was said above, this is a public internet forum and there are all kinds of people on here. None of us are experts, only travelers on the road of WLS. We may all share the commonality of WLS, but we are still individuals and not all things work for all people.

I have noticed disagreements, fights and rude comments on alot of these boards, and although I admit I read them for amusement  ,  I don't involve myself and I try to focus on the informative and supportive posts and posters. If you look long enough, you'll see that its usually the same people who are negative and the same people who are positive. So you can choose what you want to read and who you want to interact with.

I'm sorry that you became the subject of negativity and I know that it hurts, but 1) you don't deserve it and 2) consider the source. I have a favorite saying from the book "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil", which goes: "a tear in a bucket, ********** it". I know its crass but it gets the point across. Why waste your life being upset by people who don't matter to you? Do you really care about someone who doesn't have anything better to do than put you down?

Please keep being yourself and don't let anybody get you down! And don't be afraid to post anything you want, anywhere you want. This a free, public forum and your questions and comments are as valuable as anyone else's. I always appreciate reading your posts because you are cheerful, committed and clearly a nice person.

Unfortunately we live in a world of rude, entitled, negative people. And truthfully, while some of us have dealt with our weight problems by becoming "people pleasers", others take a defensive "I'll hurt you before you hurt me" approach. Well, anyway, enough with the pop psychology---ENJOY YOUR DAY!

---Christina

Christina,

You are soooo kind! Thank you! It feels great to know that some people can see that I am a nice person...or at least I usually try to be! I do think that I reacted too quickly, so I did apologize and I think in the furture, I will give some more time before I respond! LOL

I like what you wrote about people pleasers and defensive people--I think you are very right. I guess I am one of the pleasers...but acted defensive in this case!

Well, either way, I think I will stay mostly on the RNY and New York boards. It's probably safer. LOL

Hugs, Heather

Heather,

I read your apology and I thought it was very sweet and humble and it shows the kind of person you are, a good one. I think its great that you can reflect on your actions and take responsibility. Not everyone has that strength of character or firm sense of self. I look forward to seeing you around.

---Christina