Unsupportive Family Members
My older sister and I have always had a sibling rivalry and we've always been obese.
However over the past couple of years with her being a new single mom, we've gotten closer and have been nicer to each other BUT sometimes...there's still tension between us - to put it nicely.
I was trying to discuss me getting RNY and of course she's like 'whatever - 2 out of 3 people gain back the weight'. WHY does she have to be spiteful?! Okay maybe she's a bit jealous that i'm going to have the surgery but c'mon now...
She couldn't have surgery even if she wanted to....she refuses to quit smoking and she's on public assistance. I think she's mad that my mother is coming to stay with me for a week (if I ever get my surgery scheduled) which means she will be losing her baby-sitter and chauffeur.
WHY can't she just be supportive?!
However over the past couple of years with her being a new single mom, we've gotten closer and have been nicer to each other BUT sometimes...there's still tension between us - to put it nicely.
I was trying to discuss me getting RNY and of course she's like 'whatever - 2 out of 3 people gain back the weight'. WHY does she have to be spiteful?! Okay maybe she's a bit jealous that i'm going to have the surgery but c'mon now...
She couldn't have surgery even if she wanted to....she refuses to quit smoking and she's on public assistance. I think she's mad that my mother is coming to stay with me for a week (if I ever get my surgery scheduled) which means she will be losing her baby-sitter and chauffeur.
WHY can't she just be supportive?!
My mom is a wonderful person, but she is also the type of person who is going to point out all of the things that may possibly go wrong. For years I was like "WTF? why can't she just be happy for me and keep the negativity to her self??"
It would bother me, but I would just let it go because I know that this is her way and it always will be so I am not going to add to my frustration by trying to "change" her.
Well, I think I finally got it figured out. She is a pessimist, she really believes that nothing will ever work out the way you plan, so if you are always prepared for the worst case senario, you will never be dissapointed. Yikes. Is your sis like that? Maybe she is trying to "save" you from dissapointment?
Your sister has probably watched too many of those tv shows that are all about the negative wls stories. Or maybe she is jealous that you are taking this step, and she just doesn't understand. You might find that this will be an opportunity to get closer still by being an inspiration to her to make some positive improvements in her life.
There is always that competitive nature amongst women too. I find it so unsettling that women find the need to tear each other down in order to lift themselves up. I notice it even in my young neice. Maybe she is afraid that after you do this you will be "better" and move on up, leaving her behind. She is probably afraid that if you succeed, it will make her a failure. You know what I mean?
Or maybe she is just being a snotty sister?
Oh, BTW, they are gonna call on Monday, I got a feeling!
It would bother me, but I would just let it go because I know that this is her way and it always will be so I am not going to add to my frustration by trying to "change" her.
Well, I think I finally got it figured out. She is a pessimist, she really believes that nothing will ever work out the way you plan, so if you are always prepared for the worst case senario, you will never be dissapointed. Yikes. Is your sis like that? Maybe she is trying to "save" you from dissapointment?
Your sister has probably watched too many of those tv shows that are all about the negative wls stories. Or maybe she is jealous that you are taking this step, and she just doesn't understand. You might find that this will be an opportunity to get closer still by being an inspiration to her to make some positive improvements in her life.
There is always that competitive nature amongst women too. I find it so unsettling that women find the need to tear each other down in order to lift themselves up. I notice it even in my young neice. Maybe she is afraid that after you do this you will be "better" and move on up, leaving her behind. She is probably afraid that if you succeed, it will make her a failure. You know what I mean?
Or maybe she is just being a snotty sister?
Oh, BTW, they are gonna call on Monday, I got a feeling!
Mary
maybe shes afraid that your changing in some way will leave her alone...you both had more in common when you were heavy. Her not being supportive seems more like a defense mechanism for herself more than anything....then again some people want to take people down because they dont have the willpower to lift themslves up??? just an idea
The longest of Journeys start with a single step
(90 lost pre-surgery)
Hey Wildchild5,
First, let me congratulate you on taking this awesome step to improve your health! I too live in Buffalo (Riverside) and had Dr C. My surgery was in May of 2007. Unfortunately, we all run into people who don't or won't support our decision, for whatever reason. Some are afraid we'll die, some are jealous, etc. Here's my advice; concentrate on you first, not your mom, sister, whoever. I'm sure you've heard it a hundred times already, the surgery is only a tool, not a miracle. You have a lot to do to change your lifestyle. Trust me, I still have the temptation to down a couple of doughnuts every now and then and you will be surprised how much you can eat after 18 months! Can we gain it back, you bet. I was 291 at surgery and got down to 178. I purposely (?) lost more than I needed because I knew I would gain 15 or so pounds and my goal has always been to stay under 200, something I haven't been able to do since the 6th grade. Now I stay in the mid to upper 190's and I'm quite satisfied. My wife wasn't 100 percent behind my decision. She had heard of all these people dying. I pointed out I have one half of 1 percent chance of dying from the surgery and a 20 percent chance of dying of a heart attack. Well, 18 months later, I'm healthy, don't use a cpap machine at night, blood sugars under 100 and the first of 3 in the family to have the sugery. Yep, the wife had hers last September and our oldest daughter had hers the end of July. So hang in there, any questions feel free to email me @ [email protected] and if you need to talk, let me know and I'll email you our phone number and you can chat with any of us about our experiences. Good Luck and keep in touch!
Don
First, let me congratulate you on taking this awesome step to improve your health! I too live in Buffalo (Riverside) and had Dr C. My surgery was in May of 2007. Unfortunately, we all run into people who don't or won't support our decision, for whatever reason. Some are afraid we'll die, some are jealous, etc. Here's my advice; concentrate on you first, not your mom, sister, whoever. I'm sure you've heard it a hundred times already, the surgery is only a tool, not a miracle. You have a lot to do to change your lifestyle. Trust me, I still have the temptation to down a couple of doughnuts every now and then and you will be surprised how much you can eat after 18 months! Can we gain it back, you bet. I was 291 at surgery and got down to 178. I purposely (?) lost more than I needed because I knew I would gain 15 or so pounds and my goal has always been to stay under 200, something I haven't been able to do since the 6th grade. Now I stay in the mid to upper 190's and I'm quite satisfied. My wife wasn't 100 percent behind my decision. She had heard of all these people dying. I pointed out I have one half of 1 percent chance of dying from the surgery and a 20 percent chance of dying of a heart attack. Well, 18 months later, I'm healthy, don't use a cpap machine at night, blood sugars under 100 and the first of 3 in the family to have the sugery. Yep, the wife had hers last September and our oldest daughter had hers the end of July. So hang in there, any questions feel free to email me @ [email protected] and if you need to talk, let me know and I'll email you our phone number and you can chat with any of us about our experiences. Good Luck and keep in touch!
Don
Do it for yourself. If I listened to all my friends and family I would've chickened out and I would still be the same - unhappy, sick and obese. If I had no support I'd still do it and take a cab to the hospital if I had to.
Herb
Herb
9/11/07 RNY Syosset Hospital
9/10/07 278lbs 46 inch waist presurgery
11/1/08 188 lbs 33 inch waist post surgery
Most Active
Recent Topics
