Friends Upset about surgery

The other night I attended a going away party for a couple in the neighborhood.  I have one friend that has had surgery and this is the only person in the group I had told about myself having wanting to have surgery and the fact that I have been going to Albany Med for over a year trying to loose the weight I need to so I can schedule surgery.  Well in talking to this friend a couple of other friends over heard. WELLLL... they were all over me telling me how unsafe the surgery is and that they did't think I was over weight enough and how my doctor must be a quack for even considering surgery. I was so shocked I could not believe it.  One of these people is an RN and I could really not believe that they were saying all of this.  Telling me how I am only doing this to look good and when I tried to explain that I do have sleap apnea, and am pre diabetic they told me anyone over weight has that and that was no excuse.  I do weigh 235 lbs on my 5'2" frame therefore I am what is classified as morbidly obese at least as far as the BMI index.  Did anyone else ever have this happen?  I guess this is why I never wanted to tell anyone.  When I told them that they stated I didn't want to tell anyone because I was thinking myself that this surgery was wrong.. I could not belive that these people actually did this to me.

I was in the same situation as you. 227 pounds and 5"2". Everyone kept telling me I wasnt that big and couldnt believe I was having this surgery. I told them flat out that I felt that big and that is why I was doing it. I was doing it for ME and nothing else. It was a year Nov. 20 and I have lost 110 pounds and am down to 117-118 pounds. I feel really good and have had no problems. Some tell me I am too skinny and need to gain some weight back but people who didnt know me before tell me I look great and cant believe I even had surgery.
I didnt tell many people until the week before surgery. Close family and friends and that was it. The week before surgery I told the girls at work that I would be out. Only after I handed in my doctors note to the office did I tell. Hope this helps and know that you are doing it for you and nobody else or any other reason.
Keep us posted.
Christine

Thank you for your response that makes me feel better.  And I am with you I am doing this for myself and no one else.  My boyfriend doesn't even really want me to have surgery but he will stand behind me either way.  I think these people thought that I was doing this because of him and even after I explained that he didn't want me to have surgery they were still in an uproar.  All they kept telling me was how I would never be able to eat real food again and about how risky the surgery was so on and so on.  The next time they bring this up I will just out and out say look this is my decision and I am doing this for me so please keep your opion to yourself.  That may sound harsh but if you could have heard them they were pretty rough on me.

You are the one that did their research and you know what you are getting into, the people around you that want to be negative.....let them be negative somewhere else. Its your health and your ultimate goal to reign in this problem. Dont even let them bother you. Their opinion should mean as much to you as gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe...just a mild anoyance that you can scrape off ....you go for it !!!!!!

Well you're not doing the surgery for your friends, you are doing it for you!!! This is the reason I didn't tell anyone I was having surgery, with that said, forget what they told you, know the reasons you are having surgery and if they try to talk you out of it again say something like "i've made up my mind, support me or dont' talk to me about it".

You are MORBIDLY OBESE and unhealthy, and there is no reason you shouldn't have WLS to lose the extra 100 lbs that you are carrying around. I was 500 lbs I lost over 300 lbs, I am VERY HEALTHY and fit now and much more mobile then I was when I was 300 lbs heavier. People are stupid, they speak before they think....
I wouldn't give it another thought, get your surgery, get healthy, and be happy.

Scott

BTW I see nothing wrong with having WLS to look better. My personal opinion is that people have gone on LOTS of unhealthy diets to lose weight, so if your at least 100 lbs overweight, you can have WLS and actually lose the weight and keep it off...sounds much better then yo yo dieting to me.

Just be warned, everyone has an opinion about your surgery.  Find someone who you can talk to about your surgery, a family member, someone who has had WLS.  It is just nice to be able to speak with someone who understands.  People here are very supportive.  I had someone at work who used to wail "I don't want you to have surgery!!" each time I walked into a room that she was in.  She is not someone who I would even consider a friend, just someone I work with.

You are very right, when you say that you are doing this for you.  You can not do this for someone else and expect to be successful.

Good Luck with your journey.

Jim

I had a friend who gave a hard time also, and I told his mother afterwards that I was upset with his comments that I am taking the "easy way".   This is not an easy way to lose weight, I have done the roller coaster weight loss and gain too many times.   He came around and became a supportive friend when he found out that I was upset with his comments, and he also is going to school to become a registered nurse.   

I also had a brother who has had this surgery and not always in the best of health.  Many complaints, but those complaints are caused by the issues he had prior to having wls.   He would more than likely be dead now if he did not have this surgery.   I had this surgery before I got into the health issues that my beloved mom started to have at the age of 48, and my brother started to have these same issues when he was about 40 years old himself.  Quaddruple bypass surgery back in 1999.  He is having some issues due to his blood levels now, which probably came about from that surgery back in 1999.   

I have had excellent blood labs done and I feel great most of the time.  My aches and pains that I had prior to surgery are mostly gone, I am on a much lower dose of blood pressure medicine, don't have sleep apnea anymore( i think)  I am also off the anti-depressants that I was on for about 10 years prior to  my surgery.   

So give your so called friends a shout and tell them to look into this website before they blow any more smoke about having weight loss surgery.  

Maybe they just want to have a friend who is heavier than them, and they are unsecure about themselves. 

You have to do what is best for you and no one else. Whether they approve or not. No surgeon is going to put a patient in danger by giving them the surgery if they felt it wasn't needed.

You also have tot ake into consideration that people tend do be jealous because they know you'll end up looking better than them. People are against the surgery because they can't have it on themselves for whatever reason. Or they don't want to give up the eating. If we all could lose the weight natuarally, we would  not have the surgery and we would not be fat. Many people think that this it 'THE EASY WAY OUT" This is in NO WAY an easy way out. You have to work harder at weight loss surgery than you would to diet natuarally. With weight loss surgery, you will see results. With natuaral dieting, you won't and even if you did, a high percentage of people gain everything back plus.

Do what you think is best and for those who are not supportive of you, cut them out of your life if you have to. One thing with weight loss surgery you do not need is negativity.

Hope that helps. If you want other information, I have tons I can forward you. Send me your email address and name to [email protected]

Thank you everyone for your support.  I have really been thinking alot about what these people said and how they think I will never be able to eat real food or portions agian.  Last night it hit me that as long as I am heavy and on a diet I can not eat real portions and I can't eat anything I want either.  I have been on so many diets for so long that obviously this is my last resort.  My ultimate goal is to be healthy but deep down inside also would like to look better, that in itself would help get me off the anit depressants I am sure.

People can be so rude. I had the same problem as well. I started to think that they all just were happy with me the way I was and believed that they wnated me to remain "the fat one" of the group. It was a terrible way to think and did nothing for my self esteem. So I went and "armed" myself with knowledge. And when they would start to tell me how dangerous the surgery is, I was able to tell them how that is a misconception. I was also able to tell them about all of the dangerers associated with obesity and compare those to benefits of weight-loss surgery. Once they realized that I had actually taken the time to research my decision, they would usually stop and say one of two things:
1. "Well, I think your crazy." To which I would reply, with a shrug "yep. But I made my decision."
2. "Sounds like you did your research." I'd reply "Of course I did my research. I did a tremendous amount of research. I would not enter into this without knowing exactly what I was doing. I am not a dummy."  
Usually once you stand up for yourself and they see that you have the answers and the knowledge to fire back, they will lay off. Because they did not do any research and they don't really know what the dangers and benefits are, aside from what they have heard in conversation. And they would rather hold their tongue than look stupid in front of the others in the group!