buyers remorse? that won't be me..........

I was sure of that because I did my research.  I read and studied, read every post I could. I've spent every free moment and some moments that should have been used for other priorities learning as much as I could.  I'm sure I know this is what I want. I'm 100% positive I can live with the changes......   Then why after having my surgery did I have such a terrible case of "buyer remorse"? I had surgery on Monday,  we were several hours late starting so my nerves finally kicked in. Prior to that I was calm, cool and collected.   I came home yesterday Thursday after several days of experience boughts of tears and panic.  My biggest problem I was mistaking symptoms such as feeling ill, panic, sweating and racing heart as feeling "ill from the surgery."  I finally had a light bulb go off and said "hey wait this is a typical panic attack for me."  A xanax a nap a few loops around the floor and I felt like  a new woman.  Mean while the magic "toot" arrived, which was the last of my requirements to go home. I came home last night and just knew that a good nights sleep in my own bed with my husband would lead to me being me. NOT.......  I still have episodes of fear but can't yet put my finger on it.  My husband who knows how much research I'd done asked me if I'd read anything about this.  Of course I had, but it wasn't going to happen to me.  So now I'm home and still not sure of how I feel. I just keep clinging to all of the threads and posts I've read where people say you feel a little better every day. I'm going to give this time and ride it out.  Really there isn't any other choice. I can't fight it or go back in time.  I wasn't happy then either. I had panic problems because I was destined for a life of obesity.  My biggest fear now is making sure I get all of my water and meds in.  I've found that I can't take more then one med at a time because that makes me feel yuck.  I spread them out.  I'm still sleeping constantly.  I never allow myself to do this after surgery and always end up paying the price.  This time I'm trying to do everything that is in my best interest.  I do have an appt. for Monday with my counselor. I must have known I'd need to see her this soon when I set that one up. In the meantime I have the wisdom from everyone here to lean on. Dominique

Dominique, I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time after surgery. Since I am still on the preop side I certainly can't give advice in that matter. I am glad for your sake that you have your appt on Monday. I hope that resolves some of your anxiety. If you are feeling better it would be nice to see you at support group on Thursday. I plan on going as it is the last one before my surgery on the 7th. I hope each day gets easier for you. God bless. Tara

Dominique,  Hang in there, honey.  You will get through this phase.   You have just been through a MAJOR surgery, as well as facing all these changes in life as you knew it.  Granted, they are positive changes, but it is hard to do, nonetheless.  You are learning a new way of eating.  And since you are so brand new, there are issues of timing to deal with -- don't drink for 30 mins. before eating, take your time to eat, then don't drink again for 30 mins. after.  Plus you know how important it is to get all your water in.  Then add in the time you are napping.  And it seems like it's impossible to get tha****er in due to all the "down time" (waiting periods, naps).  I know that really made me stressed.  I had to ask my doc for something because I was feeling "jittery".  (See my blog for the whole story).  I only needed it for a couple of days, but it made all the difference.  It made me able to sleep, which was so necessary to the healing process.   Trust me, you will get through all of this, and you will be so happy you had the courage to have this surgery and change (and save) your life.  Reach out to the people here on the Boards when you need help, go to your support group meetings if possible and also see your docs and counselor.  Help is there for you.   I'm four weeks out and I'm still learning all the ins and outs.  So all that you are feeling is still fresh in my mind.  You're gonna do just fine.  Take care -- Maria             

Dominique, I know how you feel.  I went through it too.  I am 10 1/2 months out and it does get better.  What you are feeling is real and you just had a major surgery.  Sleep, if that is what your body is telling you to do.  I slept and had to take naps for at least a month after my surgery.  I went into a depression cause I missed eating, and you start to learn who you really are through out this whole journey.  I still to this day sometimes wi****here was a switch where I could turn it off and eat like I used to, but that feeling goes away quickly when I look and see how far I have come.  It will get easier as time passes and the most important thing I can tell you is make sure you have a lot of support around you.  Use the boards, go to meetings, talk to other GBS patients, talk to your family and friends (although at times they can't relate to our struggles).  It will get easier for you, give it time.  For me, this was the hardest part cause I was on a liquid diet and it drove me nuts.  But with the support of my friends on here and my family and friends, I made it through.  I can honestly say that after all that I have been through so far, and it hasn't been smooth sailing all along, I would definitely do it all again in a heartbeat.  Hang in there Dominique, your in for the time of your life, its an amazing journey. 

OMG This sounds so much like me after I got home!! I have to first say TAKE A DEEP BREATH! Know that THIS WILL PASS! I know for me it was a mix of feelings: Scared, Did I do the right thing?, Nervous to make sure I am doing THIS right, Mourning food (That was a BIG one for me, depression feelings, crying and all the works). You have to remember that this was a BIG and major surgery for our bodies and our minds. Take your time and know that you WILL work through this and do what you need to do to make it right. You can not do anything wrong if you follow the instructions of your Dr the best you can. It takes time to be able to get all your water and protein in, just make sure right now that you are making sure you are getting as much liquids as you can. If the protein has to wait then so be it but know as soon as you can make sure you raise the amount. Making sure your taking all your vitamins is very important as well, even if they have to be liquid or chewables at this time. If you would like to chat on the phone please let me know and I will email my number or you can give me yours, sometimes talking about it sure helps. I know it did me! Night time was the worse for me, panic feelings aways seem to be worse during the night! ~hugs~

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement.  Fortunately I have my previous prescription for xanax.  I've been taking it for years but probably only take it 5 or 6 times in the course of a year.  I try never to rely on it and have found many times I can walk through the feelings.  That is why I made sure to walk around my property a lot today.  I have a very large fenced in yard so I slowly walked the perimeter and was able to hold on to the fence when i was feeling tired. I did this three or four times then sat on the deck while the grandson and my husband played.  Fresh air was nice. I'm not sure about missing the food so much. I have been following the plan since January with a few exceptions.  I know there is still a feeling of loss but will have to say the 60 minute special aired the night before my surgery helps put those thoughts in perspective. I plan on attending the next support group meeting at AMC on 5/1/08.  I will be at the hospital that day since my husband will be having heart surgery. I'm hoping at that point to be feeling much much better.  Time for me to go to bed. I hope to report feeling slightly more positive tomorrow. My common sense tells me this is all for the best.  Its the rest of me that disagrees. Dominique

Dominique, Hang in there - we all go through something after surgery. It's natural and it will pass!! Hell, I cried at the drop of a hat about 3 weeks after my surgery - not so much buyer's remorse but the hormone imbalance I was going through!! I laugh about it now but back then it was hard to deal with!! Don't worry, we are here for you whenever you need us!!! Cece