Men in recovery: learning to speak their truth...

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Men in recovery: learning to speak their truth...
By: Louisa Latela, MSW, LCSW

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It has often been said that women are much more intuitive and feeling than men. I'm not so sure I totally agree with that. It is my experience that men are extremely intuitive and feeling, they just don't talk about their feelings or intuition as do women. Historically men have been the hunters, the gathers, the sportsmen. These are all very intuitive sensing and feeling activities.

In my practice I see that when a man truly loves a woman what he wants more than anything is for her to be happy. While there is nothing wrong with that basic premise or philosophy I find that many times a man will not speak his truth in an effort to keep peace and/or avoid upsetting the woman he loves. So many women talk about having the disease to please. I see that men are afflicted with the same disease! Somewhere along the way as they fall in love with a woman they stop giving themselves permission to have an opinion that differs from hers. The problem with feeling as if you always have to say yes is that your yeses become disingenuous. The only reason you say yes or agree is because you've not given yourself permission not to!. In this way an underlying sense of anger and resentment builds towards your partner and ultimately towards yourself for not being true to you.

Often when a man is recovering from weight loss surgery or struggling with compulsive eating issues there is an underlying feeling of unworthiness. Typically this is most evident in the relationship dynamic with his significant other. When a man has the courage to really look at this and understand how he has set himself up to be at times disrespectful and untrue to himself he can then begin to become more authentic in relationship first to himself then to his wife or girlfriend. Many men were never encouraged to take a look at their feelings let alone talk about them. Most would never dream of deeming themselves as feeling unworthy on any level. So, this is not always an easy task especially for men.

I could ramble on for pages about this subject! Let me know if you'd like to further discuss the issue of men being authentic and learning to honor their truth. You can respond below, email me at [email protected], or call me at 856.429.9799.