Feeling of Failure...kinda
I lost 55 lbs so i can take 55lbs of pressure 
2 other church family/members are facing death this week as well. i have decided that regardless of funerals etc...I am having this operation. I am not forfeiting my scheduled appointments because of cir****tances. It may sound heartless...but I have put me off my whole life. I have to take care of me..or it could me me next...and then who is going to take care of them if I die? No, not heartless, but I will take care of the bigger priority....ME...and it is not selfish this time. Nope. It just isn't.
C'mon people, if you are gonna die...don't do it the week before my surgery please!
2 other church family/members are facing death this week as well. i have decided that regardless of funerals etc...I am having this operation. I am not forfeiting my scheduled appointments because of cir****tances. It may sound heartless...but I have put me off my whole life. I have to take care of me..or it could me me next...and then who is going to take care of them if I die? No, not heartless, but I will take care of the bigger priority....ME...and it is not selfish this time. Nope. It just isn't.
C'mon people, if you are gonna die...don't do it the week before my surgery please! 
Oh, Tim, you remind me of me. when I was facing cancer 5 yrs. ago, and all this time my husband's been facing his chronic illness, one thing I never lost was my sense of humor, and neither has he. Granted, we can use it to mask other emotions, but it certainly comes in handy in times like these.
You are NOT a failure--you are a gentle, generous, kind, compassionate man; one who knows that in order to take care of others, you must take care of yourself.
take care,
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