Bariatric Bombshells

Another one of my FAVORITES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bariatric Bombshells
http://www.beyondchange-obesity.com/psychoSpeaking/bariatricBombshells.html
We'll call her Mary. Mary had been obese all her life. She had two children and a fulltime job working as a school bus driver. Mary loved her life but she wanted more. She wanted to do really amazing things like walk upstairs without losing her breath and fit through the turn stiles at the shopping center. She dreamed of sitting on a plane and going to a movie theater without worrying if the seats would hold her. She often wondered what it was like for the thinner world to move around without being made fun of or laughed at for their wide size.
Mary chose a laparoscopic procedure based on the expert advice of her surgeon who had performed hundreds successfully. She was excited about having a smaller body in which to move around in and couldn't wait for the final outcome: Love, acceptance and approval was just around the corner and she was almost there. Of course Mary didn't label her dreams with such touchy feeling emotions Ð No. She would adamantly tell you in non-emotional tones, that her weight loss success would be determined by better health and longer life and not for herself because that would be selfish but to live longer for the sake of her children to walk upstairs for the sake of her family and to avoid unkind remarks suffered by her children about their 'fat' mommy.
It wasn't about Mary it was about everyone else that she loved more than Mary. And that's really where this story begins.
Mary's rapid weight loss and positive attitude radiated throughout her surgeon's support group each time she walked in. She carried so much love for so many- it was as if she could run the meeting single-handedly, with the guidance and support of the medical staff. Mary's pounds were dropping and the euphoria was growing. The practice staff, Mary and her surgeon, beamed with pride because Mary demonstrated the power of weight loss surgery at its best. She 'looked' physically successful. Mary's surgeon invited her to share her enthusiasm and her obvious innate understanding of overcoming physical obesity with her fellow patients. Mary was overwhelmed with excitement. She had found her true calling and it wasn't driving a bus full of screaming children safely to school and home each day Ð it was being a receptionist and support group leader for the surgeon *****stored her health and gave her life.
Finally, Mary was receiving love, acceptance and approval in abundance. She still labeled her needs in non-emotional terms, standing before groups of her peers and professing good health and saving the lives of loved one's as her sole purpose and drive for taking such a personal leap of faith. Oh sure the good looks and public acknowledgement followed and yes, there was Mary's career change that was made possible and the kids happiness did improve Mary's happiness and granted the accolades that came each time a before picture of Mary is shown and a 'live' after strut or pose is performed stroked her ego and gave Mary a profound sense of pride and accomplishment but none of that truly matters If it did wouldn't that make Mary seem shallow and self serving?! And Mary is anything but that!
Mary is not alone. Her story is repeated in practices I visit across the nation. Everywhere patients and professionals are choosing weight loss surgery, abandoning their previously limited obese lives, and joining the ranks of bariatric practice professionals. It is a booming business in need of volunteers, support group leaders, spiritual providers, counselors, coaches, nurses, doctors, dieticians, exercise physiologists, personal trainers, supplement specialists and the list goes on and on. It's often comforting to walk into an office or support group setting and hear someone say that they personally understand your journey. I, myself, have benefited a great deal from being a behavior specialist who has also been a patient. The camaraderie and the immediate feeling of acceptance are priceless to a patient seeking reassurance and validation.
It is within the context of Mary's story and the stories I have gathered throughout the United States, that we are beginning to discover the layers of unhealthy mental fat beneath the layers of unhealthy physical fat. In raw terms, we the obese, who were once killing ourselves with physical fat, are now learning that the unattended mental fat can be equally destructive. Mental fat is every bit as toxic to our long-term weight loss success as physical fat. Obese-mindedness can destroy whatever good health we restore physically. So what do we do? We begin to address the very real and very serious issue of adopting a 'social fitness' program that will permeate the bariatric community. We break through the bariatric sound barrier and begin confronting the layers of mental fat that are exposed when the physical fat is removed. We unite as patients and proactive practices in a crusade against those who wish to continue the myth that obesity only ails the body and not the mind and spirit. Sticks and stones do break my bones AND names like 'pig' and 'fatso' do hurt me.
One example, exhibited by numerous postoperative, now thin bodied but still obese-minded individuals, is that the boundaries once set by unhealthy physical fat are now being challenged and redefined by unhealthy mental fat. The substance that once cooled the physical fire of pain that welled up in my belly each time I felt lonely or sad, is now seeking another source. Some of us are able to quench the pain with sexual promiscuity, some of us quench our thirst with alcohol, some of us make ourselves forget by shopping for clothes we can't afford and seeing how many procedures it will take before we feel as mentally fit as our bodies feel physically fit. Some of us don't know which way to turn and we combine all excess until we can no longer differentiate between too much of any one thing. We are a physically beautiful population of socially unfit post-ops.
Social unfitness is often a result of growing up obese and stunting normal emotional and mental growth. Morbidly obese children are less likely to participate in sports and thus less likely to develop team playing skills and team leadership opportunities. Morbidly obese teens date less, have fewer friends, and spend more time in front of computers and television sets. Morbidly obese young adults often opt out of attending school functions and gatherings where social activities may require interaction with the opposite sex. It's no wonder that once we're hit with a number of successful weight loss adult patients that we are simultaneously being hit with a number of socially unprepared adults. It worries me that in a growing climate of children and teens seeking weight loss solutions that we are not aggressively addressing the mental and social needs of our postoperative adults Ð Where are the battle cries for social fitness programs that reflect the successes of our surgical fitness programs? Why do we still live in a world that applauds improving physical wellness and condemns improving mental wellness? What is good physical health without good mental health? What if the layers of mental fat weigh down my spirit to the point of immobilization of my heart and mind? What then? Will anyone respond to my cries for help when I am unable to fit into a healthy state of mind? Obesity is a disease that plaques every cell in our bodies, minds and spirits. Obesity does not disappear with the weight; it only disappears with the work. Do the work. Begin a social fitness program right away. Get started before you end up like Mary.
'Mary, where are you going?' I asked. She turned, tears streaming down her face, 'I have to find that part of me I lost.' I was impressed by her composure. Here, before me, stood a woman though shaken and distraught: willing to walk into a television studio and tell a heart-wrenching story that unfortunately echoes the growing trend of patients in bariatric practices across this country.
Mary told her story of how she gave in to her layers of mental fat and the physical manifestation of her mental and spiritual destructiveness soon followed. It wasn't the emotional issues that made Mary gain her weight back it was the inability to cope in a healthy way. She lacked the resources to pull from and to support her in her mental journey away from being obese-minded.
I cannot recall how much time passed before Mary emerged shoulders slumped and head down. I couldn't help but wonder if she found what she was looking for 'Is there true peace in letting go of the silence and creating change?' I wanted to know. Soon, I would. It was my turn to go in, and I knew I was about to shatter the bariatric sound barrier. I was about to tell an audience full of bariatric bombshells that despite their physically fit appearances many of them were socially unfit adults and heading for disaster. I knew it. I lived it. I saw it. I am determined to change it. I wanted them to hear my heart speak the words I physically, mentally and spiritually felt in every layer of my being: 'I am not better than you. I am you.'
We can become socially fit. We can begin a social fitness program that will remove the layers of mental fat from our bodies as miraculously as our surgeries were able to remove the physical fat from our bodies. Imagine what it would be like to remove the unhealthy layers of fat without accessing Pandora's Box of Paine full of addiction, excess, stress, poor esteem, distorted body image, and much more.
We can gather the bariatric community and begin building stronger healthier spirits that reflect the stronger healthier bodies we now find nestled within. No one can deny that obesity brings with it a Pandora's box of painful social issues. No one can pretend that a great many of the obese population is not suffering from socially unfit issues that lead to poor coping techniques, such as dual addictions, sexual dysfunction, personality disorders, codependency, depression, identity crises, and a postoperative phenomenon imitating the 'imposter' syndrome. It is too prevalent to ignore. And too controversial to confront without alienating those who wish to stay in denial. So what do we do? Where do we go from here?
We follow Mary's inspirational journey toward social fitness and we find that part of us we left behind by letting go of the silence and creating change one layer at a time.
Teri Kai Holtzclaw, Ph.D
Dr. Holtzclaw may be contacted at [email protected] or you may visit her web site at www.becomeyou.net