What is your recipe? (for success?)

I recently responded to a post asking for some recipes as the 1 1/2 month postop loves to bake and cook and has a sweet toth that 'didn't go away as hoped' and that person is having many food cravings esp. salty/crunchy at times. They wanted ideas to cope/manage specifically a recipe or two!

Now I saw this in a different light, I indeed responded differently. Here are my thoughts..PLEASE share with me yours and how far out you are as I know our thoughts/ideas can morph over time to things we never would of recognized in an earlier time! Some of these things you have heard me say over and over...but they ring true for me and are the principles I strive to enbrace~
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I can so appreciate & relate to your current issues. I hope in sharing my story it may help some (although in an indirect way perhaps). My experience was similar. I was THE BAKER, THE COOK in the family. I obtained great joy, satisfaction and self esteem from these titles! I also obtained a morbidly obese body from tasting the fruits of my labor! It wasn't just the food for me, it was the psychological conceptual framework if you will that I operated from. This included Food=love, I cooked/baked to show others how I felt about them. I ate to feel loved as well! I cooked/baked/ate when I was sad, angry, bored, fearful (anxious) or lonely....I cooked/baked to fit in, hey if I was overweight I'd help everyone else be that too (subconciously)! It lessened my shame so to speak. Many with eating disorders do this I find. The first 2 months were such a emotional challenge for me. Liquids for first 2 wks, then again at 1 month out for 2 more weeks after a second surgery for a stricture from adhesions that caused an obstruction. This was a time my food addiction was very apparent. I couldn't chew anything to soothe what I was feeling! So I switched to watching the Food Network (AKA food porn LOL!) really. I had to have it.....Now fast forward to 7 months out, I had lost all but 15# of excess wt, was feeling awesome no physical hunger, wt flew off etc but I was still the same person, yes I ate smaller portions and exercised as well daily (it became an addiction as well that I am still working on today at 5 1/2 yrs out) ~B~U~T~ I did not change my thoughts, my use of psychology so my hunger returned(from all the dreaded carbs I ate albeit in small quantities that bit me in the but!) I could eat a greater variety and quantity of foods so yikes, I worried about regain!!! The fear fueled my exercise compulsion I HAD to do it daily, I had to do at least 7 hrs cardio a week, I had to spend 10 hrs at least in the gym or else (I am not sure my world would crash?)...I refocused at 7-12 months out, I found that my sugar cravings were in addition to emotional cues to soothe/numb/avoid/pure habit so to speak a result of protein deficiency! I believed I could derive protein from skim milk, heck I drank 2 cups a day! I ate protein..I was deficient, low protein can in many trigger carb cravings! ESPECIALLY in many who are insulin sensitive/pre-diabetic....I started the shakes as recommended, I looked to the southbeach framework for a LIFSTYLE (not a diet). Here I found a marriage between my needs as a gastric bypass patient and satiety from my PHYSICAL HUNGER I seemingly created by eating all the refined carbs! (Bread/crackers and milk IMHO but thats another story)....My labs didn't lie my prealbumin was tanking, my albumin low as well...Ehh ghads! I did this to be healthy.


What I had failed to discover to this point at 1-2 yrs out was the enormity of the decision I had made, what effort I would need to make FOREVER to live a healthy life. One that was surounded by support(online and in person), one that was full of my self awareness, my personal consistent RESPONSIBILTY and ACCOUNTABILITY! So into therapy I went by years 3-4 the emotional toll was great. I had changed, I physically was close to 160# lighter but my brain was still as heavy as preop. Filled with old negative tapes, low esteem, codependant characteistics that I found I was grazing to feed/calm/soothe/avoid.

What I found is the little things I so worried about (such as what to bring, if I needed a fan, if I could bring extra pillows or having the perfect plan postop, the perfect recipe etc really were attempts to soothe my anxiety and fear of the unknown (death, would I succeed/fail!), now I see that but the lesson just keeps coming up until I master it, the lesson is acceptance, letting go, making a decision and being ok with the outcome regardless if it turns out as I hoped because my plan is not always what is best for me!

I became consumed with WLS in general so much I 'lost my life/identity' to that LABEL (I was a WLS person) when in fact I am much more than that. That despite the OPERATION the need for myself to do personal growth (therapy, 12 step work, develop supportive network, learn to take care of me FIRST) around my personality/character traits of codependency and how they are so intertwined into my obesity no tool can fix those (although I wi**** could of, that would of been magic as many of us hope WLS will be!). That in acceptance of myself at any moment, healthy boundaries, taking care of myself I could succeed or at least learn to reframe success as something more than a number on a scale or if I ate enough that day in protein or didn't eat too many carbs or drank enough fluid or got exactly enough exercise in etc.

Surgery was the easy part looking back although going through it I thought it was the hard part (ha how skewed that was!) living the lifestyle after in a consistent, self responsible manner is the most CHALLENGING thing I have ever chosen to do, I did not realize preop the immense effort it takes each moment to be healthy! It is so worth that energy though the freedom it brings!

Sometimes we consume our lives with food, thinking about what we can and can not have, when we can eat or should eat, how much, how often, how it should be cooked, when to buy it, how much, etc that we occupy so much time and do not even realize that we have no time left to feel (the point) in an addiction, it takes over us so we can forget us and what we are scared/fearful of feeling/being. I think the WLS lifestyle can be a sort of addiction and escape for a while ****il life overwhelms the beauty of the honeymoon!) and for myself exercise became an obsessive addiction as well.

I feel this is a courageous step we take, and it's not just about weight changing, eating the right food/recipe -- it's about life changing. This is why so many of us are challenged by the enormity of the decision.

Food cravings typically are in relation to out emotions. Different things signal different needs, as long as we focus on the gut to meet that need of the spirit/heart/head it willnever be filled and instead we go around hungry still....I shifted my thinking and identity away from food altogether. I rarely bake as I once did. I decided I can be loved for and love others in ways w/o food. Society is so obese that I do not need to add to the epidemic by baking weekly and at holidays (I kid you not I made at least 14 batches cookies 5 batches of fudge and countless batches of peanut britle around Christmas) Initially I wondered, what will people think if I don't? Well no one reallynoticed and hey I had more time. I discovered relationships are more inportant than the food. Eating out is about being with friends and family NOT the food. Reframing the importance of eating to live vs living to eat is helpful for me. I can cook but it doesn't have to be the way I show love/care/conscern or nurture those (kill them really!) I can now more than ever let go, accept what is, be in the moment with many uncomfortable feelings, not need to eat them down/away. I can listen to my body to tell me what I need really listen. I am not perfect (do not want to be) but this is my process, slow s it has been. So for me the recipe is self awareness, self love, acceptance, letting go with a dash of friendship, a cup of support, and maybe a pound or two of therapy along the way! I couldn't change mylife alone, I do not think anyone can.TOgether we can share our strength, hope and support and with that pay it forward. We can not keep what we do not give away!!!

Ask yourself, what am I REALLY hungry for? Many of us find in the quietness of our mind the heart says it is not food....We used to meet all our neds with food, now is a great opportunity to discover other ways to get out needs met w/o food, to realign food in a new way, refocus and reframe its place in our lives. Taking the emphasis off it we once had..In that we are free to be, discover and live fully!

I wish you well. Thanks for the topic again! I needed to remind myself how far I have come and how far I desire to go!
So my 'some more ideas' are not going to be recipe based, if you are not already consider some personal growth work (individual or/and group therapy, self help books such as those by www.geneenroth.com or Linda Spangle's Life is hard, food is easy etc, 12 step groups as indicated (CODA.org, OA.org etc)....I do cook and i do bake but they no longer define me, I define me and there is so much more I can give and be!

Jamie

Hi Jamie, It's very interesting you should post this today. I know for most people it's Easter Sunday, (Happy Easter folks) but for us Jews, Friday was Purim.  Purim commemorates Queen Esther saving the Jews of Persia from execution by the evil Haman.   Hence, as part of the commemoration/celebration, we eat a treat called Hamantashen.  These are triangular shaped "cookies" with a various fillings inside, (pick your favorite jelly flavor) This year I "swore" I wouldn't eat a one.  Alas, that didn't happen.  What started with just one morphed into many.  I stopped counting, I threw them in the garbage.  I didn't bring them into the house; my son did, and part of the custom is that people exchange little baskets/bags  filled w/treats.  My son can eat a few/several in the sprirt of the day and then forget about them. You get the point. I've stopped beating myself up and did 20 min on elliptical this a.m., which I had been neglecting. I'm  commiting to trying to lose 6 lbs. before my surgery on 4/17 by a REALISTIC plan to do 4 days/week on the elliptical and eat 3 meals + 1 fage yogurt or SF FF pudding.  That's it.  Maybe I'm not being realistic about the food since I've been struggling w/the grazing/carbs so much.  I'm going to try to get in to see my nut this Thursday...she had to cancel my last app't & I didn't reschedule. It's too easy to fall back into old habits.  Old tapes.  Emotional eating?  I don't know.  I've been to OA, ACOA, Al-Anon.  I looked at my past, my alcoholic father, distant , critical emotionally damaged mother, etc. etc.  I wrote about.  I thought about it.  I read about it.  What's changed?  Nothing as far as I can tell.   I just want to get on with my life in a helathy way.  They old tapes are pretty much gone with my relationship w/my husband and my kids--when I feel myself falling into them, I'm immediately aware, and I stop.  Why doesn't that happen with food? Sometimes I wish I had had the DS--it seems I wouldn't have these food worries/fear of regain.  But does that mask the underlying problem?  I think so.  I have this tool that isn't the magic cure I had hoped it would be.  I know I'm still losing, but for me, the honeymoon is emotionally over.  I don't dump, I can eat fairly large amounts of food (I know, just because I can doesn't mean I should), I'm not always sure when to stop eating... One thing that really caught my eye in your post, Jamie, was the South Beach reference.  As far as Im concerned, that is the best way for me to eat...one that I can live with .  I need to read the book again and just incorporate that way of eating into my life...not be on a diet, but just eat that way.   My hamantashen binge has taught me, yet AGAIN, that I can't eat just one.  I read so many posts about people maintaining their weight loss and being able to eat a few bites of birthday cake, etc.  Should I say I'll never be one of them, or should I say that for today, I can't be one of them?  I guess I'll just stick with today.  By the way, I DON'T think I still look fat.  I look in the mirror and I smile at that thin person.  On a daily basis, people don't recongnize me.  I know I look good, but I guess that's not enough.  My body is not my brain.    Thanks, Jamie.  I don't think I came up with any great revelations, but maybe this is a step on the journey. love,

Hi Jamie, While I don't wish regain on ANYONE, I found relief in your saying that DS'ers can also sabatoge their recovery with sugar.  Knowing me, if I knew I could eat more carbs (read sweets) I'd eat them till I was blue in the face.   I guess I was looking at it as the be-all, end-all, fool-proof procedure that I missed the boat on.    Everything you said is right on the $ for me, so I thank you, dear Jamie. take care,

Hi Karen:

For me recovery is about forever (I embrace it and rebel at times!). It is ongoing and well keeping on with supportive things such as groups in person and online, CODA, therapy (on/off as indicated), journaling, prayer, meditation...etc.
There is no cure but I can change each dy with all the choices I have. I am learning to be patient withmyself and let go of shame and judgment ofmyself and others.

There is no right or wrong with recovery just what is and my daily choices. We all are evolving and althought I agree the DS is a superior surgery (said it before and will again), for more normalcy in my life and less regain perhaps I also think they could attach a tube from my mouth to my rear and I could sabotage that. No tool DS included RNY or Band is fullproff, some less chance than others, but sugar addictions have had many a DS or distal RNyer regain.. Come to offtrack on Yahoo, I have seen it as on the revision boards as well. So still need to address some food issues perhaps less I also feel that not addressing an addiction because one finds a way to live with it may not be what I would want, addictions take me away from myself and I am then not authentic, present or really enlightened. Just food for thought and my opinions..But so glad we have tools and options..no right or wrong surgery just what is best for someone! I have a proxy rny and am living with it..be well! Jamie

hit the wrong button--my post is above your last one.