SCARY! What can we learn from this?
Hi All,
This goes to show that WLS is a mere tool....one we have to work for the rest of our lives!
I'll admit: I always thought that WLS would be a "cure forever"....well....it's not.
It's sad that they exploit weight gain in the news and magazines but this one was important to me. It's a reminder of what I have to do on a daily basis........................................forever.
Hugs to all!
-Karen
My wife is humorous too. 
Hi Karen,
This is a profoundly difficult truth in the lives of morbidly obese people. It never goes away. The tool of WLS helps us break through the metabolic nightmare of losing a large amount of weight. It even helps us get full quicker, but that's about it. The rest is the same old story, learning how to manage triggers, emotional eating, learning to exercise regularly and think like a person who puts their own health first.
Tough stuff.
Thank you for sharing.
xoxo
Aim
This is a profoundly difficult truth in the lives of morbidly obese people. It never goes away. The tool of WLS helps us break through the metabolic nightmare of losing a large amount of weight. It even helps us get full quicker, but that's about it. The rest is the same old story, learning how to manage triggers, emotional eating, learning to exercise regularly and think like a person who puts their own health first.
Tough stuff.
Thank you for sharing.
xoxo
Aim
Open RNY 05/02/06 with Dr. Carl Rosati, Albany Medical Center
301/170/goal 160? Abdominoplasty on 8/21/07 with Dr. Jerome Chao, Albany Medical Center
301/170/goal 160? Abdominoplasty on 8/21/07 with Dr. Jerome Chao, Albany Medical Center
Amy,
Yes: the rest is the "same old story"......but what freaks me out is that most of us never had much success dieting on our own - or we would have never needed WLS in the first place!!!
I know a few people who lost and are regaining, and one had the Stomaphyx. The surgeon she used said that it may get to be like a car tune-up; something needed every few years!!! YIKES!! In the meantime, she had it done and claims it didn't help her feel any more restriction than before.
It comes down to the old saying, "they didn't give us Labotomies".
I saw someone regain 100 pounds of her 200 pounds lost, 3 years out. VERY scary to me 
.
Hugs,
Karen
.
Hugs,
Karen 
Ahh what to learn from this....(So many things we/I can consider...)
CHOICES:
We all have choices every day, each moment. Carnie tells us about choices she has made not only in this article but past ones as well her challenges with (snacking, lack of exercise, pregnancy, alcohol *over*use). Most of these challenges for me signal not managing the emotional side. The wt regain is a symptom of the unresolved emotional toils, the coping style chosen to numb/avoid the internal world we all have.
CONTROL:
We may all want to be in control, all the time but reality is we are not. I have been pulling out Steven Covey's work recently and looking at my circle of influence vs my circle of concern. If I stay within my (SMALL) circle of influence I tend to be less reactive, happier and healthier... The fear does not consume me as much as when I stay in my larger circle of concern!
When I stay in my circle of concern where I have no control I tend to worry, fret and allow the fear to paralyze me and hence my need to try and control what I can (food, exercise, choices). My condition is the same as many the human condition, accepting it and embracing it always helps.
Alas I am human and choose to deny/repress/avoid and the fact at times I am not perfectly in control of everything...Then I can only manage so much concern and I overeat, graze, sabatoge my exercise etc. I do find as Covey points out when I stay in my circle of influence I can expand that in fact, less stress and less compulsion to sabotage self..
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
Is it realistic to have a surgery on one's gastrointestinal system and be cured of the disease MORBID OBESITY, glorious as it sounds and as deceiving as the first few years can be for many statistics do not lie. Individual differences may vary but in reality that TERMINAL UNIQUENESS we all feel seems to lessen over time. (I will lose it all, despite the typical, I won't regain a pound, I won't ever eat sugar, I won't transfer addictions, I won't get divorced/seperated, I will be different......No grazing for me, I won't touch soda again, candy etc...THAT WON'T BE ME! *Don't be so sure, never say never!
Perhaps but the odds are not in our favor to be unique...We can go back to what we can influence, if we fall short of perfection (which is not something to aim for IMHO any longer) or our unrealistic expectations then what?
SUCCESS/FAILURE:
What is this? What does it mean to you. What is your personal definition. Is it realistic, can it be adapted, altered? Should it be? Are we using old tapes that no longer fit today? Now this moment? Can success be where you are now? No matter what? this leads me to ACCEPTANCE NOW....Are we shamebased, do we have to stay that way? What purpose does staying a victim serve? Are we deciding to stay there or change that?
That in acceptance of myself at any moment, healthy boundaries, taking care of myself I could succeed or at least learn to reframe success as something more than a number on a scale or if I ate enough that day in protein or didn't eat too many carbs or drank enough fluid or got exactly enough exercise in etc.
KEEP ON YOUR PATH/JOURNEY:
Surgery was the easy part looking back although going through it I thought it was the hard part (ha how skewed that was!) living the lifestyle after in a consistent, self responsible manner is the most CHALLENGING thing I have ever chosen to do, I did not realize preop the immense effort it takes each moment to be healthy!
It is so worth that energy though the freedom it brings!
WLS is one of the million steps on my life's journey *it is not the destination*!
This is a courageous step for us to take, and it's not just about weight changing -- it's about life changing. This is why so many of us are challenged by the enormity of the decision and why we sometimes stop walking on our journey and sometimes seemingly need/decide to revisit old places, but is that going back to a plce where a lesson is still waiting for us to learn. Opportunities are always available, learn now or come back and learn later I am discovering!
FEAR:
I chose to define my self as a warrior, one who never turns her back on the battlefield (my battlefields are obesity and self sabotage)...
I am learning I can have fear and do things anyways! I am learning to embrace fear, harness it's power and move forward on my journey also. I am learning I do not have to allow the fear to paralyze me or make me stay anywhere I do not want! I can be defined my many things and fear does not have to be one anymore! Fear only has power when I turn it over...the CHOICE is mine!
LESSONS:
My lesson is acceptance, letting go, making decisions and being ok with the outcome regardless if it turns out as I hoped because my plan is not always what is best for me! This theme comes up over and over again! I am starting to get it more and more! Sounds like Carnie is learning too.
LABELS/DEFINITION OF SELF:
I once was consumed with WLS in general so much I 'lost my life/identity' to a LABEL (I was a WLS person) when in fact I am much more than that. That despite the OPERATION the need for myself to do personal growth (therapy, 12 step work, develop supportive network, learn to take care of me FIRST) around my personality/character traits of codependency and how they are so intertwined into my obesity no tool can fix those (although I wi**** could of, that would of been magic as many of us hope WLS will be!).
I would not be who I am or where I am without my past, I am choosing to be grateful today for all my struggles/challenges, as they were only lessons and opportunities that presented themselves and that I have been able to embrace and learn and grow from. Without them I would not be where or who I am today. SO I AM GRATEFUL for the good, bad and ugly!
I needed those things such as my exercise addiction to be able to see that balance is possible, that feeling is okay, that I am okay the way I am, that I am loveable, that I can make decisions and live with the outcome!
On a personal note my thoughts, feelings and opinions have changed from the newbie at 7 months who thought that she found this magical fix for all that ailed (huge belly laughs and almost as huge tears of sadness at that shock of the rose colored glasses breaking once again), to the may I say ****y 1-2 yr postop who KNEW IT ALL and was UNIQUE and PERFECT and was going to tell everyone how to do it, to the SCARED AS HECK 3-4 year postop full of fear at the loss she once had, who started to identify out of shame of regain, guilt at loss of perfection to a more seasoned 5 year postop who has done lots of personal growth, reflection and who now knows she can define herself any way at any moment.
I have transformed, transcended and still am here to offer up what I have been to others who may be there or soon to be there. I also stay to learn from others their challenges, struggles and successes. I am open to others views, opinions and ways. I am a little less rigid and if my way is diffrent that doesn;t mean I am right or wrong, I am just different..its ok, NEAT in fact!
Oh too much rambling this am!
I have been ontrack and off, although was it offtrack or aplace I needed to be and learn from? Nothing happens w/o cause. I have needed to have the fear, the regain, I needed it all and am grateful for it. Truly as strange as it may sound. I am excited about today. I may be 20# heavier than I was 2 years ago, but hey I am 140# less than 5 1/2 yrs ago. Although I do not want thenumber to define me lets be real success can be defined in many ways. The success is I am ahead far far ahead in so many ways. OK off the soapbox! Thanks Karen. I needed to explore these thoughts today. I went to see my clinical nutrition MD yesterday. I went because I needed to despite the awareness of some shame of my wt, not wanting to admit it (Ok so much for living in here and now and acceptance !) But I did it, I did not cancel, I went with a plan to not be defensive, not make excuses, to be real. I felt empowered when I left. We spoke about many things. About being hungry is ag good thing, research states cetain chemicals are released only on an empty stomach and they raise metabolism. SO I can embrace physical hunger vs avoid it now, or intellectually think that way. Restructuring my thoughts!
I can change my behaviors around grazing/snacks if it isn't one of my 3-4meals I do not eat it (back to need to be hungry at times), I liked that framework that has helped many. I am trying that hat on now to see how it fits for a while!I took that appointment to accept me as I am, redefine success, control what I could, embrace some new strategies, ask for help (hard for me) and let go. It was so awesome! (Thankss Dr. Denning!)..In 30 min we got to the heart of the matter, back to my stress management..and I redefined what was my goal, what is improtant! I left with a renwal of self. So...I am where i need to be but I also know where I am going and it is ahead!
I am going for a massage today as I am worth it, and will do it because it will be a thing I can control in my circle of influence. I am takign care of me, I am a warrior who needs some TLC!
Really I am done now! 
LOL
CHOICES:
We all have choices every day, each moment. Carnie tells us about choices she has made not only in this article but past ones as well her challenges with (snacking, lack of exercise, pregnancy, alcohol *over*use). Most of these challenges for me signal not managing the emotional side. The wt regain is a symptom of the unresolved emotional toils, the coping style chosen to numb/avoid the internal world we all have.
CONTROL:
We may all want to be in control, all the time but reality is we are not. I have been pulling out Steven Covey's work recently and looking at my circle of influence vs my circle of concern. If I stay within my (SMALL) circle of influence I tend to be less reactive, happier and healthier... The fear does not consume me as much as when I stay in my larger circle of concern!
When I stay in my circle of concern where I have no control I tend to worry, fret and allow the fear to paralyze me and hence my need to try and control what I can (food, exercise, choices). My condition is the same as many the human condition, accepting it and embracing it always helps.
Alas I am human and choose to deny/repress/avoid and the fact at times I am not perfectly in control of everything...Then I can only manage so much concern and I overeat, graze, sabatoge my exercise etc. I do find as Covey points out when I stay in my circle of influence I can expand that in fact, less stress and less compulsion to sabotage self..
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
Is it realistic to have a surgery on one's gastrointestinal system and be cured of the disease MORBID OBESITY, glorious as it sounds and as deceiving as the first few years can be for many statistics do not lie. Individual differences may vary but in reality that TERMINAL UNIQUENESS we all feel seems to lessen over time. (I will lose it all, despite the typical, I won't regain a pound, I won't ever eat sugar, I won't transfer addictions, I won't get divorced/seperated, I will be different......No grazing for me, I won't touch soda again, candy etc...THAT WON'T BE ME! *Don't be so sure, never say never!
Perhaps but the odds are not in our favor to be unique...We can go back to what we can influence, if we fall short of perfection (which is not something to aim for IMHO any longer) or our unrealistic expectations then what?
SUCCESS/FAILURE:
What is this? What does it mean to you. What is your personal definition. Is it realistic, can it be adapted, altered? Should it be? Are we using old tapes that no longer fit today? Now this moment? Can success be where you are now? No matter what? this leads me to ACCEPTANCE NOW....Are we shamebased, do we have to stay that way? What purpose does staying a victim serve? Are we deciding to stay there or change that?
That in acceptance of myself at any moment, healthy boundaries, taking care of myself I could succeed or at least learn to reframe success as something more than a number on a scale or if I ate enough that day in protein or didn't eat too many carbs or drank enough fluid or got exactly enough exercise in etc.
KEEP ON YOUR PATH/JOURNEY:
Surgery was the easy part looking back although going through it I thought it was the hard part (ha how skewed that was!) living the lifestyle after in a consistent, self responsible manner is the most CHALLENGING thing I have ever chosen to do, I did not realize preop the immense effort it takes each moment to be healthy!
It is so worth that energy though the freedom it brings!
WLS is one of the million steps on my life's journey *it is not the destination*!
This is a courageous step for us to take, and it's not just about weight changing -- it's about life changing. This is why so many of us are challenged by the enormity of the decision and why we sometimes stop walking on our journey and sometimes seemingly need/decide to revisit old places, but is that going back to a plce where a lesson is still waiting for us to learn. Opportunities are always available, learn now or come back and learn later I am discovering!
FEAR:
I chose to define my self as a warrior, one who never turns her back on the battlefield (my battlefields are obesity and self sabotage)...
I am learning I can have fear and do things anyways! I am learning to embrace fear, harness it's power and move forward on my journey also. I am learning I do not have to allow the fear to paralyze me or make me stay anywhere I do not want! I can be defined my many things and fear does not have to be one anymore! Fear only has power when I turn it over...the CHOICE is mine!
LESSONS:
My lesson is acceptance, letting go, making decisions and being ok with the outcome regardless if it turns out as I hoped because my plan is not always what is best for me! This theme comes up over and over again! I am starting to get it more and more! Sounds like Carnie is learning too.
LABELS/DEFINITION OF SELF:
I once was consumed with WLS in general so much I 'lost my life/identity' to a LABEL (I was a WLS person) when in fact I am much more than that. That despite the OPERATION the need for myself to do personal growth (therapy, 12 step work, develop supportive network, learn to take care of me FIRST) around my personality/character traits of codependency and how they are so intertwined into my obesity no tool can fix those (although I wi**** could of, that would of been magic as many of us hope WLS will be!).
I would not be who I am or where I am without my past, I am choosing to be grateful today for all my struggles/challenges, as they were only lessons and opportunities that presented themselves and that I have been able to embrace and learn and grow from. Without them I would not be where or who I am today. SO I AM GRATEFUL for the good, bad and ugly!
I needed those things such as my exercise addiction to be able to see that balance is possible, that feeling is okay, that I am okay the way I am, that I am loveable, that I can make decisions and live with the outcome!
On a personal note my thoughts, feelings and opinions have changed from the newbie at 7 months who thought that she found this magical fix for all that ailed (huge belly laughs and almost as huge tears of sadness at that shock of the rose colored glasses breaking once again), to the may I say ****y 1-2 yr postop who KNEW IT ALL and was UNIQUE and PERFECT and was going to tell everyone how to do it, to the SCARED AS HECK 3-4 year postop full of fear at the loss she once had, who started to identify out of shame of regain, guilt at loss of perfection to a more seasoned 5 year postop who has done lots of personal growth, reflection and who now knows she can define herself any way at any moment.
I have transformed, transcended and still am here to offer up what I have been to others who may be there or soon to be there. I also stay to learn from others their challenges, struggles and successes. I am open to others views, opinions and ways. I am a little less rigid and if my way is diffrent that doesn;t mean I am right or wrong, I am just different..its ok, NEAT in fact!
Oh too much rambling this am!
I have been ontrack and off, although was it offtrack or aplace I needed to be and learn from? Nothing happens w/o cause. I have needed to have the fear, the regain, I needed it all and am grateful for it. Truly as strange as it may sound. I am excited about today. I may be 20# heavier than I was 2 years ago, but hey I am 140# less than 5 1/2 yrs ago. Although I do not want thenumber to define me lets be real success can be defined in many ways. The success is I am ahead far far ahead in so many ways. OK off the soapbox! Thanks Karen. I needed to explore these thoughts today. I went to see my clinical nutrition MD yesterday. I went because I needed to despite the awareness of some shame of my wt, not wanting to admit it (Ok so much for living in here and now and acceptance !) But I did it, I did not cancel, I went with a plan to not be defensive, not make excuses, to be real. I felt empowered when I left. We spoke about many things. About being hungry is ag good thing, research states cetain chemicals are released only on an empty stomach and they raise metabolism. SO I can embrace physical hunger vs avoid it now, or intellectually think that way. Restructuring my thoughts!
I can change my behaviors around grazing/snacks if it isn't one of my 3-4meals I do not eat it (back to need to be hungry at times), I liked that framework that has helped many. I am trying that hat on now to see how it fits for a while!I took that appointment to accept me as I am, redefine success, control what I could, embrace some new strategies, ask for help (hard for me) and let go. It was so awesome! (Thankss Dr. Denning!)..In 30 min we got to the heart of the matter, back to my stress management..and I redefined what was my goal, what is improtant! I left with a renwal of self. So...I am where i need to be but I also know where I am going and it is ahead!
I am going for a massage today as I am worth it, and will do it because it will be a thing I can control in my circle of influence. I am takign care of me, I am a warrior who needs some TLC!
Really I am done now! LOLTake Care, 
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie, you encouraged me today by being transparent. Thanks!! Tim:
Ahh yesinded I am human and decided its a good thing to be!
What else would one want to be? LOL~
I am glad you are encouraged! Your post to the Saratoga board was very thought provoking, I will respond shortly!
Jamie
Ahh yesinded I am human and decided its a good thing to be!
What else would one want to be? LOL~
I am glad you are encouraged! Your post to the Saratoga board was very thought provoking, I will respond shortly!
Jamie
Take Care,
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
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