Had Kind of a Meltdown Yesterday

My surgery is scheduled (again) for Tuesday, March 25.  For those of you who are newer to the site, I say again because I went in for Open RNY in October.  But they saw something on my liver and sent it to Pathology, who told them it was metastatic liver cancer.  So they just removed my nasty gallbladder and closed me back up.  They did not do the bypass.   By the grace of God, Pathology went over the biopsy the following day and determined it was a benign group of cells called a hamartoma, and it was nothing to worry about.  So I had to heal from that.  And I am now scheduled to have my Open RNY on Tuesday.   Now for my meltdown -- yesterday as I was coming home from work (where I ate everything that wasn't nailed down), I started thinking crazy things like what will my life be without all the food that I enjoy so much, what about all of our social events where food is all around, what if this doesn't work for me -- every negative thought, I had it.  I called my husband and was crying about all of this.  He was so sweet and talked me through it.  Can I tell you how much I love this man??     Anyway, these are all concerns that I did not have the first time around.  I was just excited and ready to get started before.  This time I have all these crazy apprehensions.  Help! Maria     

Dearest Maria,

What you're feeling is entirely normal.  You've already been through one surgery, had a horrible scare, and now you're having another surgery, all within 5 months.

I think everyone thinks they'll be the only person the surgery "doesn't work" for.  It works if we work it!

Everyone I've ever spoken to has gone through some kind of a mourning period for the foods we think we'll never have again.  Some go through it before surgery, some afer.  Please remember that your tastes will most likely change after your surgery; a lot of the foods that appeal to you might not then, and that you will be able to eventually eat a variety of foods.  I remember after surgery craving a strawberry; when I ate it, it was divine!   Go give that hubby of yours a great big hug and kiss and tell him how terrific he is.  One day at a time, you'll get to your surgery, and I know you'll do great! (((:)))

Thank you so much, Karen.  I appreciate you reminding me of all the things that I really do know.  They just kind of got jumbled up in all the crazy stuff I was thinking and feeling!  I knew the wonderful people here would get me to realize that this is going to be the best thing for me. Thanks for the encouragement! Maria   

Maria, I am so glad you decided to reschedule the surgery.  I think of your first ordeal often.  I had the same feelings as you before my surgery.  I was excited, but very anxious. I had a farewell tour of of my favorite foods. I think it is normal especially since you have actually been through the surgery once.  Yes, you are very lucky to have a guy like your husband to support you!  Good luck...you are very brave and my hero!  Keep us updated. Rosemary

Rosemary,  You are so sweet -- your post meant so much to me.  Thank you!   I'm feeling better about things again.  I'm sure I'll have a couple more ups and downs before Tuesday.  But once I get through Tuesday, I'll be excited to get going with this whole new life.   And I have the successes and advice of you and so many others here on the Boards to keep me on track.   Anne S will be keeping you all posted. Thanks again -- Maria     

Maria,
Your feelings are ones we've all felt deeply. You have been on a long hard road to recovery from a disease process that takes not only physical restraint, but huge emotional changes as well. Your life and the way you relate to food, definitely changes, but not in a bad way...in a really proactive, empowering way. You will not WANT to eat in the same way as you did nearly as much as before surgery. We all continue to struggle with emotional eating issues, but the tool that surgery provides helps this struggle. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, do not listen to self blame, but learn from your mistakes. This is what a healthy life is all about!

I will be sending good luck feelings your way on March 25th!
Hugs,
Amy

Thank you, Amy, for your words of wisdom and support.  What a great way to look at the changes that will be happening -- proactive and empowering.  You are absolutely right.  I've NEVER had any power in this yo-yo diet life.  I guess I needed to be reminded that now I will have a powerful tool that I've never had before, and there will be physiological changes that will help me not be compelled crazy amounts of junk. Hugs back to ya -- Maria       

Maria, hello, you can call me Mr. Cheezy..... but I don't think you had a melt down....... Sugar don't melt (told you I was mr. Cheezy)

Hey Mr. Cheezy -- How sweet are you?  I think we need to rename you to Mr. Cheezy Cake!!   Thanks for the smile!! Maria  

Sounds Gouda to me!!