thoughts about Today/Tomorrow (week one)

Since Jamie gave me an idea, I think I will do my best to give a weekly "session" on things that I think about regarding this change of lifestyle. Today, I want to start off by talking about comparing ourselves. It is EASY to do. Especially since we have been doing it to ourselves most of our life. It started off as kids when we compared and competed for our parents/grandparents/teachers attention through coloring or drawing pictures. Then it escalated by who we pick on our team at the playground. Then it escalated to popularity during middle and high school as we compared ourselves to either the geeks (for morale) or against the Jocks and cheerleaders (for humiliation). As we got older, it continued. Maybe we had to act a certain way so we would make friends or to date so and so. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all DO compare...and we all harm ourselves regardless of size. Even at our support meetings we sometimes compare our situation to another's and ask ourselves "why am I not having that success. I must be doing something wrong..." There are dangers in this. Terrible mental, social, emotional and SPIRITUAL damage to this very topic. I recently gave a message at "my" church. Actually it was a series of messages on the topic of comparing.  If you are not a Christian, bear with me and still give me the benefit of the doubt that these things are practical and useful for us all. One of the first things that come from comparing ourselves to others is PRIDE. Pride is a dangerous thing. According to the Bible, a proud look is one of the 7 sins God hates. They actually are called ABOMINATIONS. Abominations means to "double hate" if you would. when we compare ourselves to others, it is very likely that our first reaction is pride. Maybe it is that you are "better looking" by today's standards. Or maybe you were able to overcome your difficulties and lost weight faster than others. The honest truth is, whether it effects us Positively or negatively, pride is still dangerous. Pride causes us to forget what we ARE or WERE and puts us in a place of "superiority complex"...the very thing that the "skinnies" did to us before our change. The second thing that I see that is comes from comparing is the dangerous development of insecurities. This is the opposite side of the swinging pendulum. Like me, you may not get "proud" and "condescending" or arrogant, but instead, you allow feelings of insecurities to take root in us. "What if I can't make it?" "can I be as successful as the next person?" "I wish I could look like so and so..." These thoughts hurt us. We end up hurting ourselves more than others with their sharp comments. Many times, we joke about or degrade ourselves first so they can't beat us to the punch (no...not the tasty forbidden beverage) This causes us to turn somewhere for comfort, and sadly, our comfort is loaded with calories. It makes sense though, I mean, eating builds endorphines. Sex addiction, fitness addiction, and food addictions come from people over compensating their feelings....insecurities rather, at something they are good at. Oh, I forgot one more thing that produces endorphines, laughter. The person that is constantly making jokes and having to be the "class clown"....mark it down, they are hiding a different kind of insecurity. The third thing that comes from comparing....well...I shouldn't say the third thing...because for all I know...it could be 8th....or 9th....maybe it is first I don't know.... GIMME A BREAK FOLKS...I just got done talking about me...the class clown thing...... seriously though, the next thing that comes from comparing is jealousy. Interestingly enough, I believe Jealousy is the direct result of pride and insecurities (low self esteem).  Jealousy is wanting what...lets say....what....bridgit has worked for, and wanting it for ourself and not realizing that I may never attain what she has worked for. Body shapes, genetics, etc hinder what I may or may not look like or what I may lose or not lose.  Methods and attitude yes! Outcome? NO. The last thing I will talk about is loss of relationships. I could go on and on and on...I mean I am a baptist preacher...... when we compare ourselves to others, we become unsatisfied with what we have or even WHO we have. It causes a person to "gaze at the grass on the other side of the fence". someone once said "The grass is always greener over the septic tank."  How many marriages end up in divorce because one or both of the couple look at what they DON'T have and not at what they do. Today, how many times did we find ourselves comparing? Not all comparing is bad. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes we have to compare. Personally, I caught myself comparing at wal-mart. For instance, ground turkey has less fat and calories than ground beef Seriously though, Tomorrow, let's make it a point to count how many times we catch ourselves comparing us to them......(this should be fun to do seeing tomorrow is Sunday and with church and all hehehe) then report back here and lets compare...... Just kidding!! But keep a mental note of how often we compare ourselves with ourselves. I like how the Bible says it.... 2 Corinthians 10:12 ¶ For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

Wow, Tim.  What an excellent post! You have a huge amount of self-awareness going there...the sarcasm/joking that hides insecurity...you were talking about yourself, me, and, I'm sure, many others.   I used self-depreciating jokes all the time to hide my terrible feelings about my weight.  Now I find myself brushing off compliments about my weight loss by saying "now if I could only do something about this wrinkley (sp?) neck."  Your post really hit home for me.  I need to stop doing that.

Thank you and take care,

Hey Tim this is an excellent post! I agree in life comparing is not typically helpful. ~ This type of blogging may also serve to keep your focus on the lifestyle, consider cut/pasting it to your OH blog for self/others in the future! I say instead of comparing we should as individuals strive to do our best and manage what we can influence this will maximize results and minimize emotional distress.

Think of the work of Stephen Covey and using two circles a large one on the outside and then a smaller one on inside the small one is labeled area of influence the outer one is area of concern. If we focus on area of concern that is where we have little/no influence and only worry. If we focus on the inner area of influence we can actually expand that sircle by empowering ourselves to change what we can!
***The serenity prayer is a perfect summation of this: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!"***

Now one thing tht comes up for me with comparing is JUDGMENT plain and simple, judging self and others. I feel judgment is an example of something that encroachs upon our freedom -- our freedom to simply be oursleves.

TRYING TO COMPARE ONLY FOSTERS INADEQUACY AND FEELINGS OF FAILURE IMHO!
Instead just notice! UNDERSTANDING IS 1ST STEP TO STOPPING THE SELF CRITISICM THAT we ARE WEAK OR DEFECTIVE OR THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG W/ us.

We can SUSPEND JUDGMENT NOW & BE EMPOWERED!!! So in noticing a new thing I do is say SO WHAT (wen others or myself start to judge!) it helps!


Snipped from: "Why Did They Lose More Weight Than Me?" - by Cynthia K. Buffington, Ph.D. In Beyond Change 2004....
When it comes to WLS it is not 'fair to compare' ???

One patient may have lost less weight than another because their growth hormone levels were low, sex hormone production was altered, or cortisol levels were high. Defects in hormones, gut factors or neurochemicals that regulate food intake, satiety and energy expenditure may also have caused variability in patient post-surgical weight loss. Altered activities of enzymes regulating fat metabolism or energy utilization may have influenced rates of post-surgical weight loss. Genetics could have contributed to weight changes, as could numerous other conditions that influence energy intake or expenditure.

Why, then, does one patient lose more weight than another with surgery? For numerous reasons, including differences in calorie intake, energy expenditure, body habitus and body composition, basal metabolic activity, hormone profiles, genetics and much more. Because weight loss is regulated by such a myriad of factors, it would be highly unlikely that any two individuals would lose identical amounts of weight post-surgery, even if they were consuming the same amount of calories and performing similar amounts of physical activity.
Therefore, it is important that healthcare professionals realize that identical surgical procedures do not result in identical weight loss patterns and that weight reduction is regulated by far more than calories in and calories out. Furthermore, patients should not despair or feel unsuccessful if they have lost less weight than others, particularly if they have been honest in adhering to their postoperative dietary and exercise regimens.


thanks for the topic! Jamie