A hard but necesary subject

Hi everyone, Its been a long time since I have posted here.  I guess life has been a bit hectic lately.  To refresh memories or for those that are new since I came around, I had gastric bypass surgery on 4/2/07.  When I started the process in November of 2007 I weighed in at 271 lbs.  My most recent weight is 137lbs and I have never felt better physically.  Its been a hard but educational journey.  I started out with a BMI of 42.4 and I'm now at 21.5.  I would like to say that everything has been perfect and there have been no problems, however I think its important for people in all steps of the process to know that the surgery is not the magical cure for all that ails you.  Not to say that I am not thrilled with my results or that I would not do it again in a heartbeat, but I want to share a particularly hard story.  When I hit 155 lbs my nutritionist was looking for my weight loss to slow down, but that was not happening.  When I reached 148lbs she told me I needed to stop losing weight and made some adjustments to my diet.  I started having to see the nutritionist and the dietician every three weeks with detailed journals of my food intake.  When I reached 140lbs, my nutritionist told me I could not lose another lb and put me on a high fat diet.  No more low fat or fat free foods or milk.  I was to eat 6 times a day instead of 3 because I was not getting enough calories and I was too add a fruit smoothie each night to my diet.  Well, this of course played a number on my head.  Here I was seemingly doing the opposite of everything I had learned over the last 8 months and I developed a severe anxiety about gaining weight, which lead to me making myself vomit to avoid the additional calories I knew I really needed.  Luckily I recognized the bad decisions I was making before it got too out of hand and talked to my support group about it and ultimately sought counseling , which I am still in.  I am doing better now and I am stable at 137lbs, but I still struggle with the anxiety of gaining weight.  No one really truly talked about eating disorders and other addictions that can come after this life altering decision.  Not that I never heard it, it was just the "it can never happen to me" syndrome.  I want everyone out there to know that it can and does happen and you should be aware of your body and your thought process througout your journey.  I strongly believe that counseling before and after surgery should be a non-negotiable criteria for people having gastric bypass.  Again, I am not trying to scare anyone, because I believe this surgery saves lives.  Just recognize that there are usually issues that brought us to our highest weight and they don't disappear just because you lose the weight.  I thought, like many people do, that the surgery would be a cure-all for everything that I hated about myself.  My health is wonderful, but like the saying goes, "they operate on your stomach, not your brain".

Thats my story.  I hope by telling my story I can help someone out there who might be struggling like I am.  It was very difficult for me to admit this, but once I did I realized that I needed help and that perhaps my struggles can help other people.   I have posted new pics on my profile for anyone who is interested.  Good luck to all those in the process.  Throughout it all, it was worth it to be the healthier person that I am. 

Wow Janet, what a change of doctor's orders!! I don't know what you are going through, but I am interested in seeing what others have to say. I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Hi Janet,
I'm glad that you are getting help to deal with the emotional issues of this journey. We all go into it as babes in the woods, unknowing of what will unfold in front of us. The hardest part of this journey is the emotional struggle and you are fighting the good fight girl.

Thanks for letting us know about you.

xox
Amy

Congratulations on your weight loss and coming to grips with your issues.  It is very important to deal with the emotional side of this too.  Thank you for your honesty....it helps to know we are not alone. Rosemary

First of all of all  I want to Thank You from the bottom of my heart for opening yours- Being Honest and open with some complete strangers- takes a lot of courgae I am only starting this journey- so I have not had the surgery- but I have so many questions- And you have actually answered one of them-  I am happy to hear you are a healtheir person and I am so glad you shared your story- I am sorry to hear you have been faced with these struggles-  THanks again for your honesty.

 

Hi Jan!
I wanted to thank you for the topic. It is more than appropriate and MUCHLY needed to review for all preops and postops. The only way to success is with the tools and knowledge to empower us!
I was a little confused on your timeline so I looked at your page http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/janet_beau38/ I think you started in Nov 2006 (not 2007 correct?) as surgery was 4/2007. I say if people are scared b what you say GREAT they should be because it could and does happen all the time! I agree that individual therapy is imperative and why not avail ourselves of all the tools for long-term success health and happiness!
It would be great if you considered placing this post on your blog for all to read as they look in the future and as a reminder for yourself down the road!

You speak of the anxiety, which for me is fear disguised or mislabeled. We all carry emotions and fear is a strong one.
I will share this article with you and all:
Food Addiction
By: Cynthia Buffington, Ph.D., is the Director of Research for The Obesity Wellness Center http://www.beyondchange-obesity.com/obesityResearch/foodAddiction.html

It's not uncommon for a person who gives up one addictive behavior to pick up another addictive behavior. When we attempt to/are forced to quit using food as a soothing substance in our lives we tend to find another way filled that void. This way can be another addiction such as an eating disorder, shopping, sex, exercise, gambling, alcohol, drugs etc. Switching addictions typically is demonstrated when a person develops an unhealthy relationship with eating and exercise following weight loss surgery. You describe this well with your bulimic behavior and obsessive thinking about wt and food.

Several steps can be taken as you outline many to address the experience of switching addictions:

1. Identify your addiction(s) and the extent to which it is (they are) ruling your life.

2. Educate yourself about a particular addiction by doing research and talking to professionals who have knowledge and experience in that area.

3. Seek out a knowledgeable therapist if you are unable to control your addictive behavior on your own.

4. Join a support group that addresses your specific addiction, such as overeaters anonymous, alcoholics anonymous, debtors anonymous, etc. Remember, addictions are very common and nothing to be ashamed of. But, they are hard to get rid of in isolation. Get help if you are struggling.
And keep in mind any addictions left untreated absolutely will take over your life.

Some other articles of interest...
Popular Weight Loss Procedure Could Lead to Addiction
http://www.wsfa.com/global/story.asp?s=6546994&ClientType=Printable
Causes for Food Addiction http://www.usbariatric.com/Silhouette_articles/articles_research.html#Causes_for_Food_Addiction
COPING WITH ADDICTION
http://www.habitsmart.com/coping.html
A surprising number of weight loss surgery patients have eating disorders that, if not addressed, will hinder weight loss and lessen satisfaction with life after surgery--or even threaten their lives.
I started the addictions group due to rising need a few years ago in 2005, and to work on my own exercise addiction. The second group is growing 118 people in a year, but it can be helpful perhaps so consider checking these out! No matter who you are or where you are at! Prevention is preferable!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OSSG-ADDICTIONS
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Eating_Disorders_After_WLS/
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/addictions/

I speak openly and often about the emotional issues, AMC has preop educational classes and when I do the emotional piece it is almost 2 hrs of the pre and post op risks and challenges. Some listen some do not. Even when one listens will it all be absorbed? Many times our inner child is wounded and is attempting to find happiness/peace/safety/control by using food as a way to soothe emotions such as: fear, loneliness, sadness, anger, shame, guilt, hurt. I just know for myself the road of my destructive emotional eating as a dangerous and unhealthy/unfulfilling one that leads me further down a path of self-destruction/hate.

When I take on the helpless victim personality and have overwhelming feelings of not being good enough, guilt, shame, helplessness or/and out of control feelings I learned that I am trying to control an external thing (i.e. food) as a means to control my inner turmoil. For me these feelings spill over into an addiction food/exercise (could be alcohol, drugs, sex etc for others). Either in a way that is restricting (counting calories, carbs, watching the scale daily) or permitting (like the overeating out of control binge eating). We can move out of the victim role, and heal and thrive! It takes work to look within, feel our feelings, see how we are involved in areas of our lives that reinforce our victim personality, healing the inner child, seeing how that hurt has permeated our current lives/personality and relationships w/ food and others. Having the healthy adult in us allow balance and growth and protection for the hurt child, so we can be safe and not need to control our food or have those emotions spill over into an external control that will never fix the internal out of control feeling. Only working on the internal self-talk, emotions can do that. This is my current journey and lifelong journey into recovery. I accept that now vs denial or rebellion (most of the time!)
Sometimes we consume our lives with food, thinking about what we can and can not have, when we can eat or should eat, how much, how often, how it should be cooked, when to buy it, how much, getting the number on the scale etc that we occupy so much time and do not even realize that we have no time left to feel (the point) in an addiction, it takes over us so we can forget us and what we are scared/fearful of feeling/being.

Those that have goals that are health focused and functionally focused do the best (vs. those that are scale or weight/number focused). I am such a firm believer in not allowing the scale (or hunkametal that it is) to rule or dictate ones life/thoughts/feelings any longer, I agree we want to lose wt but gaining our health and ability to function in life are far more important than any number the scale can read; otherwise if it never reads the number we think, others say, a chart suggests we fail and that is simply not true!!!

I found www.geneenroth.com Geneen's work invaluable to me! As well as positive affirmations...
Daily Affirmations for Compulsive Eaters (Paperback)
by Susan Ward List Price: $7.95 ISBN: 1558740767 (*Avail on amazon and probably any bookstore!) I have used this yr after yr!
Or online daily for free! http://www.nawls.com/public/department27.cfm

YOU most certainly are not alone!!! We should all consider the definition below for addiction and how it may for you/us *looking at the price you were willing to pay for a number on the scale.
http://www.hms.harvard.edu/doa/html/whatisaddiction.htm
One simple model for understanding addiction is to apply the three Cs:
·Behavior that is motivated by emotions ranging along the Craving to Compulsion spectrum
·Continued use in spite of adverse consequences
·Loss of Control.

Most people who have WLS look forward to all the 'wonderful' things they want to happen to them when they reach their goal weight...Clothes, comfort with self, increased social activity, no more isolation/loneliness, improved health, enriched relationships...and much more.
WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO CONSIDER IS THE LONG JOURNEY FROM WHERE THEY ARE PREOP TO WHERE THEY WANT TO BE...
NO MATTER HOW INFORMED/EDUCATED YOU ARE NO ONE CAN PREPARE FOR THE DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENTS..MANY FEEL THERE IS SORT OF A 'MAGIC' TO WLS.
MEANING 'MAGICALLY' THEY WILL SURVIVE SURGERY, RECOVER, MAKE ALL THE LIFESTYLE ADJUSTMENTS NECESSARY TO LIVE A NEW LIFE.
IT IS A RUDE AWAKENING WHEN YOU RUN INTO OBSTACLES ON THIS PATH....
#1 LOST FREEDOM OF CHOICE WITH FOOD EARLY POSTOP
THIS CAN BE EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO PREOP WHEN ONE COULD EAT WHATEVER, WHENEVER IN WHATEVER AMOUNTS THEY WISHED...
NECESSITATES GRIEVING PROCESS.....
REFUSING TO GRIEVE LEADS TO 'CHEATING' WITH FOOD INTAKE (WRONG FOOD, TIMES, AMOUNTS)
#2 DEALING WITH TRIGGERS
PLACES, TIME, EMOTIONS
#3 CONTROLLING CRAVINGS
EATING IN RESPONSE TO A CRAVING SETS YOU UP FOR SELF SABOTAGE
#4 WEIGHT PLATEAU
1ST FEW MONTHS RAPID WT LOSS..BEGINS TO SLOW..CAN STOP COMPLETELY FOR A FEW WEEKS...
NEED TO CONTINUE ROUTINE AND NOT GET DISCOURAGED/DEPRESSED
#5 EXCESS SKIN!
#6 Possible addictions/other psychological concerns.

As you progress on your WLS journey toward your ultimate goals of health and weight maintenance you will encounter both internal and external challenges. How you deal with these challenges depends mostly on your attitude. Your attitude depends mostly on your choices, because attitude itself is a choice! You must learn to effectively cope, self-soothe, problem solve & process feelings without food.
Body Image distress is high among the obese.
The brain is a hard/slow organ to change...can't keep up with the rapid physical changes. ~2-3 yrs!
This distress can become a preoccupation that excludes one's ability to acknowledge any other positive personal characteristics.
Many have the mistaken belief that all their problems are related to their obesity and are disappointed when these psychosocial issues remain.
Difficulty integrating these changes compounded with the disappointment of continuing problems can lead to sabotaging eating behaviors.


I know I have said it all before but thanks for the topic and the opportunity to share and help others, paying it forward!
HUGS!~


When I start worrying and having fear sometimes it helps to say to myself SO WHAT!
To whatever is going on for me, if I am worrying about regain, SO WHAT if I regain I will manage that then, worrying doesn't help and I can only influence certain things, letting go of the need to be in control helps when I am able! It is freeing the acceptance of living life in the here and now or as someone said live life looking out the windshield not the rearview mirror. So what If I regained in the past, that does not control or predict today or my future!

Janet, Hun I am so proud of you, you are taking care of this and moving on! Taking care of what need to be done! You should feel very good about this! I am sorry you had to go through this though and know that we are all here for you! You are so right about letting others know about all these things because I know before surgery I would read about stuff like this and say (in the back of my mind) no WAY this will happen to me......well guess what....IT CAN and DOES! Thanks for being so strong and posting this! I myself are fighting with issues that are trying to take away all that I have worked for! Trying to change things is HARD but I know all of us did not risk our lives to let this beat us! ~hugs~ Thanks again hun