My sister declined....Long post

Let me back up a little bit...

We announced the date of our upcoming Civil Union at our annual bbq in July. Many people were excited. Me and Chris both asked our sisters to stand up for us. Everybody is happy.

A few months later, my sister calls me and says that she is calling Chris's sister because they are planning a shower, but no return call (there goes the surprise). I say that we really don't want a shower, but you know how sister's can insist. She said that when they first mentioned it at the bbq, Chris's sister said that she will plan something for her side of the family only. A few days later, my sister calls me again and says that Chris's sister made all these plans without her and she's upset that she wasn't included or consulted and she wants no part of it...she will do her own thing. She says "I decided I'm just going to take you and Chris out to dinner...I don't know who from our family would really come to a shower anyway"....WHAT?!?!?!?!? OK, even though I really wished she would have put forth the energy to do a shower, what can I say....of course dinner is fine.

OK....I let that drop.

We talk to our bff and we decide that maybe bff can talk to my sister and help her along. Bff feels that they should do one big shower and she offers her help. She talks to my sister and my sister said to keep it separate. Bff offers to help with the shower and host it in her house...how nice of her My sister agrees...but then she turns around and calls me and says that Bff has a lot of nerve and it wasn't her place to butt in. Her excuse to me is that me and Chris didn't want anything anyway. Nobody is going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to and if we want to decline dinner, we can. She doesn't care.

I try to keep everything even keeled and say that I'm sure that everything from the start with Chris's sister was a miscommunication and whatever they want to do is fine. Then my sister calls Chris's sister and starts fighting with her. ..when will this end? Now through all of this, Chris's sister has not mentioned one word of this to us. We haven't even heard her side of the story.

Well, last night my sister left me a message to call her....didn't sound good. I decided to call our officiant first and get our meeting with him set. I call my sister back and she says that she can't believe that I didn't back her up with Chris's sister. I told her that her argument with Chris's sister was her business and she's an adult and I'mnot here to fight her battles for her. (I think she expected that I would call and yell at Chris's sister for making my sister feel bad). She then tells me that she wants nothing to do with Chris's sister and that the woman has problems. "Oh, and by the way Rachelle, I can't be in your wedding". I said, so you aren't coming to my wedding at all? She said "No, I will not be around that woman. She's a bleep bleep bleep". I said, so just because you don't like her you're not coming to my wedding? She said "That's right. C'mon Rachelle...it's not like I'm sticking you here. It's not like it's a week away. You have 2 months. Ask Bff to do it...I'm sure she'd be HAPPY to."

At this point I was on the verge of tears. I've always been there for my sister...Me and mom paid for her wedding (I'm 11 years older). I just said, I have to hang up...I'm so upset. She just said "You'll get over it".

I'm so upset over this. Of course Bff will stand up for me...she'll do anything for me. That's not the point.

Sorry about this guys...I just really needed to vent and OH is the only board I come to regularly. I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about it.

i'm so sorry your own sister flaked out on you like that, bt try not to let it get you down. my best friend did the same thing to me AFTER i'd already paid for her dress and paid for airfare for both her and her son (from texas to ny). it's YOUR day, and even though your relationship with your sister is suffering, don't concentrate on this too much.  what ever's going on, it's your sister's issue, not yours. congrats on finding someone to love and spend the rest of yuur life with.  revel in the beauty of THAT relationship....you and your sister will eventually work it out. god bless! dee

You sister is being SELFISH (period)!!!!! You have no control over what she decides - I'd have tons of emotions about this hurt, mad, and so on. Sadly SHE will miss out being a part of a very special day.  hang in there .... and remember this day is ABOUT YOU AND CHRIS - do  NOT let your sister make it about her!  big hugs, Britt

I am soooo sorry!!!!  It makes me so sad to see this has happened.  This is such a special moment for you two and to have two of the people you love most in your lives bickering, stinks.  I'll be your sister :D  or your stand in BFF...lol  Don't let it cloud your day sweetie.  I'm very very happy for both of you! Muah xo

I'm sorry you and Chris are going through this, Rachelle. You two have the most important things--each other.   As much as it hurts, everything else is gravy. If you say something like "We're sorry you all are having a difficult time with one another, Chris and I are just going to go on with our plans--you'll be missed if you feel unable to share our day with us", that puts the onus on them to either get along or not, make you a shower or not, be in your wedding or not. That's my humble opinion--there are still 6 months left before July, so mabye if you lay low for a little while, things might change for the better.  And if they don't, you still have each other. Hope this helps a little, big hugs,