A little concern and frustration

Ok, I did all the research, talked to folks who had the RNY and submitted the paperwork.  I jumped through the hoops, had the tests, lost the 5% and was submitted to insurance.  I am approved with surgery probably in May (there is a huge waiting list in Syracuse).  I have gone to support group meetings.  My DH is on board with this and everyone is excited for me.  My kids are even excited about having a skinny Mommy.  Ok.....now here comes the confusion: There are two people in my life that I thought would be my two biggest supporters:  My sister (who had the lap band done two years ago) and a woman from church who is 100 lbs overweight, is a fantastic woman and a great friend.  Both of these women think I am making a huge mistake.  My sister thinks I should have the lap band because it is not as drastic as open RNY.  When I told her that my doc didn't think I was a good candidate because one I was too heavy and two I had gall bladder surgery (the old fashioned kind) and have a  huge scar running down my belly.  I also had my tubes tied after my third child was born. 

My friend from church I don't understand her position.  She keeps talking about the huge change in my life this will make, what will DH think (won't he miss the old me?) and how I won't be happy following the surgery.  Yesterday's rant was on plastic surgery and what will I do when my boobs are flat and down to my knees. I talked to DH about this and he doesn't have a good explanation for my sister except that each case is different and every doc is different and if my doc thinks I am not lap band material, then so be it.  His view on the church friend is that maybe she is jealous that I have the courage to do this and that she doesn't want me to lose the weight and then she will be "the biggest woman" in church.   I would love to have any comments you folks may have on this --- do I need to second guess my decision?  Lord, it took me almost a year to make the decision to send in the initial paperwork just to investigate the subject!!   Let me know what you think - is second guessing normal?

Deb

Deb, These reactions are very strange.  You do have to realize that your life is somewhat different after the surgery, but I think you have looked into this and have worked hard at getting things in order for the surgery.  I never second-guessed my surgery after the fact...I was and am thrilled. My family was very leery at first...but, now they are totally supportive since they have seen the results.  Do what is best for YOU...good luck! Rosemary

Hi Deb, Everyone second-guesses! Your sister's reaction is indeed strange--check out my profile--I was banded & had a terrible time (not because of the band itself, but still...) but there are many happy bandsters--just ask our gal Cheri! Maybe your sis is a band fanatic.  There are band fanatics, RNY fanatics, DS fanatics, etc.  One thing I do know is that   many doctors do feel that RNY is better for heavier patients. Your friend might be plain old jealous and not even know it; maybe she's worried about how SHE will handle the new thin you, not how your DH will. If you've done your research on your surgeon & trust him, if your DH and kids are on board, then IMOP, you're good to go!    keep us posted! hugs,

Deb, First off this is something that you are should do for yourself and only YOU first!!! If you have taken the time (which it sounds like you did), researched and are ready to move forward then you should follow through with this. You will always have thoughts before the surgery because this is a BIG change in your life and it wil bring so many smooth and rough times for sure but for me it was SOOO worth it! As for your sister, maybe she just does not understand your type of surgery and I bet she is just nervous for you. She will come around in time I am sure, please just keep the lines of communication open with her and all will be ok. Your Dr thinks you should have the RNY then you should trust in him/her and go with it. Your friend at church sounds a little jealous to me for sure! I think your hubby is right on with her! Sometimes we lose friends once we have this surgery but most of them come around and it turns out to be ignorance and worry. I wish you all the best hun ~hugs~

Hi sweetie,

Our decision to have Lap band vs. RNY is so very personal.  I am a bander and ALL of my friends who have had surgery after me are RNY'ers.  I not once tried to talk them into LAP BAND surgery!  Let me tell ya...I'm not sure how old ya are or if you have boobs, but sweetie, when we get older the boobs point to the knees/ground regardless!  lol  Ug at your "friend" being the biggest person in church.  I hope this is not the case, if it is she needs to stay after school and learn that the lord does not judge us on what we look like or what size we wear!  lol

Your surgeon is AWESOME!!!!!!  I love him.  When I went for my education appointment it was with him.  It was then I reminded the office that I wanted LAP BAND surgery.

DO NOT second guess your decision. 

Muah xo