Surgery in 2 days and feeling weird...

I am feeling so many feelings.  All of a sudden I look at food and want all of it.  I feel like I am starving even though I am not.  I keep thinking of all the fast food in the world...and you know what?  I never eat fast food but now that I am getting WLS I feel like I want it.  I guess this is what they call head hunger? So, now I am on clear liquids for 2 days and I know it is gonna suck but that's ok.  So, my surgery is Jan. 2 at 7:30 a.m.  I really hope they don't puch it up to like the afternoon because I just want it done already.  I am nervous, scared, happy, not really beleieving it yet...des that make sense?  I feel like I am goign to walk in there and they are going to cancel it on me.  I have no clue why I feel like that but I do.  I am crying now and feel crazy...what the hell is wrong with me.  Well, this was meant to be a happy post but now I just feel weird.  I am crying over food? How sad is this now?  lol.   Well, I will write some more later and after surgery.  Thank you to everyone that has been awesome especially Barbara and Jane for all of your awesome advice!! 

Don't worry...being emotional is completely normal.  I was having crazy dreams and very stressed before my surgery.  I was thinking of running when I was in the pre-op room.  Good luck with the surgery...you will still have lots of emotions the first few weeks...but, every day gets better and you will be thrilled. Rosemary

Hi Lili!! I was thinking about you today and saw that you're 1st case on Wednesday I won't see you before you go into the OR,( I work 8a-4p) but I'll be there for you when you come out!! If you need ANYTHING feel free to PM me, I'm "on call tonight" 3a-7a, so I'll be up very early and will check my messages. Sending GREAT BIG {{{HUGS}}} your way!


Jane

Thanks you so much Jane.  They just calle dme to tell me I was on and to be there at 5:30 a.m.  Wow, that's early but I am so glad it is first thing in the morning!!  I am packing my bag today and watching a few movies because i know tomorrow I will be so cranky from the clear diet!!  lol.  Thanks for everyones kind words!! Jane, I will see you Wednesday!!  I would like to ask you to be my Angel since I feel like I learned so much from you and you have been so nice.  Thank you!!

I would be very honored to be your angel

What you are feeling is totally normal!! Hell, the night I was supposed to start my "pre-op cleansing" I was so pissed that I couldn't eat dinner!! I literally was fuming!!! Now that it's over & I've come this far I laugh about it but at the time I was angry!! I wanted to eat McDonald's dammit!!! Don't worry - everything will be fine!!! If you get scared c'mon in & well talk ya through it!!! Good Luck!!! Cece

Lili, Congrats on your day hun, it is almost here!!!! Hang in there, all the emotions are normal!!! I was like a nut a couple of days before my surgery!  This is a big change in our lives and it is a very big step in taking back your life. I wish you all the best!!!! You will be able to eat again in time hun, trust me.....I know it feels like you will never have the foods that you enjoy EVER again but know that you will but just in small amounts, which is better for you. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 

YAY!  Before ya know it you'll be sittin' on the Loser's Bench!  We'll get your jersey ready for ya!

Muah xo

 ler0719  Hello, thank you for your honesty with yourself and us here on your thoughts and feelings, it is so brave of you to do so! I appreciate all you have posted and know you may also be speakigng for those who lurk and have yet to post these concerns they may be feeling. Emotions are part of being human, many of us use food to avoid, soothe and dismiss our emotins. Temproarily we are numb but the emotions are still there and serve an important purpose. Perhaps starting this moment is a great opportunity to develop skills to manage emotions w/o food. This is a key to longterm success with surgery, especially after the 6 mo honeymoon wears away! Feel the emotions, see that they do not last forever, write about them, talk to us, frineds, a therapist. Any support you can manage will only reinforce your success! I hear your wounded child cries, who is attempting to find happiness/peace/safety/control by using food as a way to soothe emotions such as: fear, loneliness, sadness, anger, shame, guilt, hurt. When this happens for me I look within myself asking what am I FEELING and why? I just know for myself the road of my destructive emotional eating as a dangerous and unhealthy/unfulfilling one that leads me further down a path of self-destruction/hate.  Sometimes we consume our lives with food, thinking about what we can and can not have, when we can eat or should eat, how much, how often, how it should be cooked, when to buy it, how much, etc that we occupy so much time and do not even realize that we have no time left to feel (the point) in an addiction, it takes over us so we can forget us and what we are scared/fearful of feeling/being.

I have been using mediation, positive affirmations, reading, groups, individual work to work on my recovery, and accepting my imperfections!

Here are a few references for you if interested....

These are guidelines I am working on fitting into my life..not rules which are rigid, but guidelines which are flexible! I have 3X5 cards I take w/ me and place at different strategic spots such as fridge, computer to remind me!

 

 

EATING GUIDELINES

(*To avoid emotional or unconscious eating)

 

 

1. Eat when you are hungry

2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment *NOT THE CAR!

3. Eat w/o distractions, including radio, TV, newspapers, books, magazines, intense anxiety producing conversations or music.

4. Eat only what your body wants.

5. Eat until satisfied.

6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

© Geneen Roth

http://www.geneenroth.com/ all of her books are excellent!!!

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Daily Affirmations for Compulsive Eaters (Paperback)

by Susan Ward List Price: $7.95  ISBN: 1558740767  (*Avail on amazon and probably any bookstore!) I have used this yr after yr!

 

 

''It's Not about Food: Change Your Mind; Change Your Life; End Your Obsession with Food and Weight'' By: Carol Emery Normandi, Laurelee Roark $9.72 ISBN: 0399525025

 

 

''Life Is Hard, Food Is Easy : The 5-Step Plan to Overcome Emotional Eating and Lose Weight on Any Diet'' By: Linda Spangle $9.72 ISBN: 0895260573

 

 

''Choices: Taking Control of Your Life and Making It Matter'' (Paperback)

by Melody Beattie $10.17 ISBN: 0060507225

 

 

''The Language of Letting Go'' (Hazelden Meditation Series) (Paperback)

by Melody Beattie "This is a book of meditations..." ISBN: 0894866370 $11.53

 

 

''Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself'' (Paperback) by Melody Beattie ISBN: 0894864025 $10.85

 

 

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http://www.centerforholisticoptions.com/products.htm

I bought the Stress management, Body Image and self esteem CDs all are short and can be done even during lunch!

 

 

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Elaine Simione has 2 great CD's that are self hypnosis for emotional eating 2/$25

CD1 Track 1 Affirmations, Hunger Level & Stomach awareness, Track 2 Being present in your body, your physical routine: CD 2 Track 1 The emotional aspects of eating, medicating the inner child’s emotions, track 2 your story and the underlying feelings, embracing your feelings.

 

 

http://holisticcounselingcenter.com/

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breaking Free from the Victim Trap $9.95

https://store.wellness-institute.org/Details.cfm?ProdID=36&category=6

An easy-to-read book on Healing Codependency by Diane Zimberoff, newly revised in 2004. (Softcover)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Consider CODA meetings *if this is an issues for you* www.coda.org for a meeting near you, of OA www.OA.org both can be great supports and are free for your recovery journey! Or if spiritual many larger churches may have groups, such as in my area the Pine Knolls church http://pineknolls.net/support_groups.htm has great support groups (Codependent, depression/anxiety, Women’s/Men’s, wt loss, etc)

 

 

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AND I am journaling almost daily my EMOTIONS...I guess my point is we al need a toolbox, and our success may be based on how many tools we have! Not any one thing works for recovery (the band, the RNY) therapy, support groups, meditation, journaling, exercise etc it is a combo of any one/all that assists and eases the journey I guess! Or at least that is HOW I SEE it! :-) Be well.

 

 

YOU most certainly are not alone!!! Consider the definition below for addiction and how it may for you *looking at the price you were willing to pay for a number on the scale (erosion of band and possible severe complications such as perforation of stomach etc* Consider seeing the food addiction is getting a strong grip on you...,I know it is what i needed to read in black and white to help me make different choices...

http://www.hms.harvard.edu/doa/html/whatisaddiction.htm

One simple model for understanding addiction is to apply the three Cs:

·Behavior that is motivated by emotions ranging along the Craving to Compulsion spectrum

·Continued use in spite of adverse consequences

·Loss of Control.

 

 

Feel free to write me off list if you have any other ??!

 

 

Take Care,

Jamie [email protected]

 

All sounds pretty normal.  Blessings to you on your surgery!  These days you are going through now will seem like little blips on the screen down the road .