Will the Real Jessica Please Stand up???

Feelings...nothing more than feelings.... I've been singing a lot lately even with still being in pain I still feel good.  I responeded to another OHer earlier and wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings here with those that I becoming more comfortable with:    I knew I was always the "big" girl but as I didn't own a scale and rarely looked into mirrors that showed by body below the neck, I was so surprised to see myself recently in a picture from when I was in Montauk for the july 4th weekend.  Who is/was that fat girl in the photo?  I had my surgery on Tuesday and now wonder what I'll look like and who i'll be when I lose all this weight.  It's not a matter of if, I am very optimistic and will lose it. I just wonder what I'll look like on the outside and who I'll be on the inside.  I haven't been below 180lbs since high school so I do not even know how it is to be thin and how I will feel etc.  People like to say that you'll be the same person only thinner and I so know that is not going to be the case. I have a lot of worries and wonder about who I am and how will I handle this?   My wls profile is entitled - Will the real Jessica please stand up?  It's going to be a wonderful journey losing the weight and finding out who this person is but I have to be honest, some days I'm scared.  It's almost like there's a little girl locked in this closet for 42 years.  She's never loved herself, she's never even liked herself.  I want to start counseling to help sort out my emotions.  I'm going to see if Anna (the Nurse Practiioner from Mercy Hospital) can refer me to some one who deals with these issues.  I willl need to talk to someone.  I  know that. I will make a major effort to attend the WLS support meetings and between the 2 I will get to a happier as well as a healthier place within me.  My sister came over today and she hasn't seen me since the surgery and I guess she was expecting to see me sickly or something 'cause she looked at me and she said you look normal, no wait you look better than normal and I took that as a compliment.  Ok enough rambling, I missed my nap today and I am pooped.  I wanted to let out some feelings with my fellow Losers and to hear about some of the journies you are going thru.  I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!!!    Jessica

Jessica,
It is so good to hear that you are exploring these feelings because there is such a strong relationship between our emotional life and our physical well being. I'm glad to hear that you're considering counseling. I know it has helped me a great deal to talk to someone about the changes I have gone through as a result of this amazing surgery and it's helped me discover who I am becomming. Thank you for your insightful post and keep up the awesome work!

Hugs,
Amy

let us meet you at the lipo group!!!! support support support!!!!!!!!!!

Jessica, Yes...it is a physical and emotional journey..and you need to deal with both.  I see postings of people who are a year out and have lapsed back to old habits...this worries me...I have to work daily on my new attitude and regiment.   Good luck on your adventure...enjoy losing and discovering your inner self. Rosemary

Jessica you just stood up...the real Jessica just posted that heart felt post.  That is your first step to healing from the years that you did not let your self live and hide behind the weight.  I am proud of the post you wrote and hoping years to come this post will inspire some one else to stand up and be the person they were meant to be!  ((((HUGS))) Your doing great babe!

I guess this is something we are all going through/have gone through because I felt like you were inside my head writing that .  I, too, have not been under 180 since high school so this whole journey is very interesting and very life altering.  I hadn't thought of seeking counseling to deal with it all but it's such a profound happening in one's life that I think that's a fabulous idea along with support groups and OH .  I love reading your honest and candid posts!  Blessings to you! 

Thank you for stating so eloquently  what I have felt and what I am feeling..... HUGS.....