Body Image...and self image...before and after...

Wow, wonderful ponderings!  I cannot tell you how many times I have thought the same thing...before and 82 pounds ago.  I sitll do not see myself any different yet.  But I can tell in my level of energy and activity! I cannot wait for you to discover yourself!!

Heather (and ladies), I have to say your feelings are my feelings.  I knew I was always a "big" girl but as I didn't own a scale and rarely looked in mirrors that showed by body below the neck, I was so surprised to see myself recently in a picture from when I was in Montauk for the july 4th weekend.  Who is that fat girl?  I had by surgery on Tuesday and wonder what I'll look like  and who i'll be when I lose all this weight.  It's not a matter of if, I am very optimistic and will lose it.  I haven't been below 180lbs since high school so I do not even know how it is to be thin and how I will feel etc.  I guess a lot of what you're feeling I'm feeling too.  My wls profile is entitled - Will the real Jessica please stand up?  It's going to be a wonderful journey losing the weight and finding out who this person is but I have to be honest, some days I'm scared.  It's almost like there's a little girl locked in this closet for 42 years.  She's never loved herself, she's never even liked herself.  I agree with the counseling.  I'm going to see if Anna (the Nurse Practiioner from Mercy Hospital) can refer some me to some body.  I willl need to talk to someone.  I will make a major effort to attend the WLS support meetings and between the 2 I will get to a happier as well as a healthier place.  My sister came over today and she hasn't seen me since the surgery and I guess she was expecting to see me sickly or something 'cause she looked at me and she said you look normal, no wait you look better than normal and I took that as a compliment.  Ok I'll stop rambling on your post.  I want you to know I'll be thinking of you Heather as we all make this trip together.  Let me know when you get your date.  Jessica

Ya know - this post hits home for all of us for sure!! I know in my case I never thought I weighed as much as I did that first day at the surgeon's office!! (my pcp doesn't have a scale that goes up that high.) I look at myself in the mirror every day & still the reality never sunk in!! Even when I shopped for clothes & could no longer buy things in the store... I have to shop from a catalog... still it didn't sink in!! In my mind I see myself as that teenager who, while not a size 6, was turning heads & felt great!!! I always imagined how great it would be to be back in that size 16 again!! Now, the possibilty of that size 16 or OMG dare I say it, a size 12 or even a size 10 has me a little freaked out!! Not in a really bad way - it's hard to explain but I guess I wonder if I'll know what to do!! This is going to open a whole new set of doors that I am so unfamilar with... shopping in a "real" store... fitting into seats at movies, planes or concerts comfortably... running around with my nieces... and let's not forget that horrible dating scene!!!! It has been way too long since I have had a real date... a serious relationship... a decent man in my life!! (The last guy I "dated" told me that I was perfect on paper but repulsive to look at!!! Oh he said I had a beautiful face but the rest was gross!! WTF???? We won't even get into what my response was... YES I put him in his place!! And he said all of this in an email - no balls to say it to my "beautiful" face!!) I have spoken to the psych that my surgeon's office sent me to & voiced those concerns to him. Thankfully he said he'd be there for me through it all & it's not uncommon to feel this way!!  I feel better knowing that but it still doesn't erase the worries!!! I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there!! First things first... getting rid of this 400+lbs body!!!!  Thanks for starting this post... it's made me say those things out loud aagin & it's a good thing!!!  Cece