Body Image...and self image...before and after...

One of my concerns about surgery has been who I will be after I'm thinner ( can't image being "thin." I've been the fattest person in my world for as long as I can remember. In many ways it defines who I am. It seems a little silly as I type this, but I have actually wondered if I'd end up looking like a husk of my former self. Like everyone who saw me would say, wow...what happened to her -- she looks "deflated" or something.  And even -- who is she kidding, she's just "pretending to be normal.  Or something like that anyway. I guess I'm just having a hard time as seeing myself as anything but a 300 pound woman! Here's my point to all this though...last night I went to a support group meeting at a local library. There were four women there who were 7 months to 3 years post-op. They were all beautiful, interesting, vibrant women. I actually had trouble imagining that any of them had ever been heavy! They all looked so perfectly "normal." It really helped me get some perspective on the before and after issues I've been concerned about. And don't get me wrong, I consider this a concern that is well worth it.  I expect the journey and learning experiences to very interesting. I may finally get to know the "real" me at 48 years old!  How weird is that I'm nervous about letting go of the old fat me?  Anyway, just ramblings...as I get closer and closer.  I met with my surgeon's office today and now I'm just waiting to hear from the hospital with my date.

You bring up such a good point. The thing that is strange for me is that I have known several people who have had this surgery. Since time went by before I saw them, when I finally did I was a bit nervous. I was not sure how I would react to them. These are the co-dependt friends who I used to have ice cream sundaes with and all sorts of food binges together. What I found is that they are still the same, they just look and feel better. They are healthy and eat different than they used to. But I realized I had nothing to worry about. I was happy for them! In less than a week I will be having my surgery. I have always dreamed of being thin and have imagined myself getting there one day. But for whatever crazy reason I never thought it would ever happen and now it is about to. It will be shocking and exciting. I will remain true to myself and my loved ones and I thankfully they are very supportive which will make this easier.  It's like being on a rollercoaster. I have climbed into the seat and the bar is about to come down over my lap (yes, of course it fits ) . The only way off this thing is to go thorugh it. But when the ride is over I am always so happy that I did it no matter how scary it was.

Be blessed and enjoy your ride.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!  I like roller coasters!  :)  Thanks!

I love this post, Heather!  I had the same experience prior to surgery while waiting to see Dr. Simon for a routine appt.  There was a stunningly beautiful blonde woman, around 35-40 years old sitting in the waiting area.  She had tanned, bare legs with a beautiful navy blue skirt suit on.  I could not look at her and ever imagine she was a big gal.  If I remember, she was 6 months out from RNY and lost near 100 lbs.

Now that I'm nearing 4 months out of my lap band surgery, down 59 lbs and closing in on that solid size 14/L, I seem to be in the middle of this experience...  not remembering how I could have worn at tight 24 and not quite remembering the 12s and one time 10 I wore either.  I'm so delighted with where I am in my WL, that if I never lost another pound I would be happy.  Recently I have caught myself more than once kinda ticked off that the nice clothes I bought no longer fit, due to them falling off me.  In particular a great pair of Size 16 thin cord jeans from Old Navy.  I bought them last late winter on sale.  They're pale purple, low rise.  I thought to myself...OMG Cher, ya wanted to lose weight and are, and now you're complaining about not being able to wear a pair of pants that are too big!!! 

My thought is there should be mandatory counseling prior to approval for this exact situation.  A friend of mine who had surgery on 7/3/07 returned to work at 2 weeks post-op.  She was devastated that she was now divorced from food.  I blame the whole process for this, not making sure she was really ready emotionally for her surgery.  She had only seen the surgeon once prior to her approval.  YIKES I thought!  I had been going for nearly a year before I had my surgery!!!

You're going to do famously!  Your thoughts on this seem perfectly normal to me!  But then again...I'm not normal

Ummm...isn't normal a setting on the dryer? Thanks for your input.  You are doing amazing!  Setting a great example for those of us coming up behind.

HAHAHA ya goofy butt!  Thank you Heather, you all motivate me to do my best! 

all your feeling are perfectly normal.... what got me thru is i would go thru the before and after pictures over and over again id find the before pic with the person who had the body shape i had and then dreamed hmmmm will i look like that ??? will i ever have a bathing suit thats not a tent??? or a skirt??? if you follow your docs rules to the lettter this surgery is infailable you will do great it sounds like you have a positive attitude already .... good luck for a perfect surgery and an easy recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a great idea...finding before and after shots of people with similiar body types!  Thanks!  This is definitely an interesting experience...I'm beginning to feel pretty blessed to even have the opportunity...it's almost as if I'm being given a chance to have a whole new life. 

you just hit the nail on the head i look at it as a DO OVER

Wow, what a great post and I think it hits home with us, post and pre-ops. I actually never saw myself as the 326 lbs woman that I was....in fact, as long as I didn't look into the mirror, I could convince myself I was the person I wanted to be.  Which meant, I shied away from mirrors for many many years. Yesterday, I joined a gym.  Now I've been a Y member up until a few months ago and walk 4 - 6 miles 4- 7 times per week but I wanted to start toning in preparation for PS.  Anyway, the lady giving me a tour of the gym commented on how small I was and what a small frame I have.  I'm thinking -- "Me?? Small??" Adjectives like that have not described me since I was a baby, lol. But I think that my perspective of my body now is probably the most honest and realistic that it has ever been.  Probably because I now look in the mirror.  Clothed I look great, unclad, not so much.  But even with my excess skin, I feel fabulous and I think I look fabulous.  And it took me 48 years to be able to say that. The one thing that I feel wonderful about in being "normal" is being able to blend in.  As much as I wanted to blend in, as a MO woman, I just didn't.  Now I do and I enjoy my own anonymity.   Anyway, my own ramblings, but thanks for bringing this up because whatever weight we are, I think we as women, tend to have distorted self images. As far as how you define yourself, you are just going to have to re-define yourself.  I never defined myself as the fat one even when I was, I defined myself as the smart one, the loyal one, the loving one, the *****y one (at times), but I never defined myself by my obesity. Good luck with your journey and thank you for posting this. Sue