OT: My father was not my fater

Ok, I just got a bomb dropped on me.  My sister who i never grew up w/ and is more than 20 yrs older than me, just told me that my the person whom i thought was my father isn't or most likely isn't.  He passed away along w/ my stepmother today last year.  She's going over his estate and has to take a DNA test herself because his other children doesn't think she's his.  She told me my mother spoke w/ her long ago before she passed and told her my father was this guy who used to live in her bldg! WTH! OMG. No used in fighting for the estate because he might not even be my father.  No one told me this, i'm just finding this stuff out now.  She thought my uncle was my father once because my mother kept going back and forth.  My uncle who might not be my uncle after all says he isn't.  I am sooo lost it's unbelievable.  I don't know who I am and where to start.  She's calling me from the airport to tell me all of this.  I always thought things werent right.  His name is not on the bc.Where do i start? Does anyone here have any experience w/ this.  Pls help me.  My father still might be alive.   I have no clue where to start.  I"ve come here because I get helpful advice.  Someone pls help.  She says i was conceived (this I didn't know) and born in Brooklyn. She might not even be my sister.   I don't know what to do.

Hey sweetie, I am so sorry for all of this!  I'm no geneticist, but, my thought is the two of you gals should be tested, and possibly your uncle.  Then you will have confirmation that you two are sisters, either half or full.  I think your uncle should to confirm his DNA, if in fact he is your "father's" brother, can have same/similar matching items to compare to yours.  Not sure how old you are, but I'm certainly so sad you are facing such a stressful situation.  I hope you get the answers you want!

(((((((((HUGS))))))))

Hi, cheri thanks for the response.  I'm 32 and my sister just turned about 50?  Not sure.  My father has a LOT of children, but never really talked about his life or past life.  My family is big time into keeping secrets.  I don't really know much about any sides of my families.  My mom passed when i was 7 and i went to live w/ my father whom i thought was my father up until now.  I was basically raised by my step mothers family.  They are all I know as family.  I will ask my uncle to test.  I don't know him that well and only spoke w/ him at the funeral last year.  My sister said she would help me no matter what.  Thank you for the start.  I just have to do some research online and see what the fees are.  Now is a good time as any.  I can't sleep at all tonight.  Thank you again.

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

I'll be praying that everything is just as you always knew it to be!

I can empathize with what you're going through.
On my 10th birthday, my mom gave me a birthday card, and it was signed "Grandpa Mike." Well, my "grandfather" Abe had died a few years before that. Turns out my grandmother divorced Grandpa Mike when my mom was about 2; big scandal in those days.
Mom didn't want me to ever meet him; the closest I ever came was secretly calling him. Weird, huh?

This isn't as serious as what you're going through, but boy do I know about those family secrets. They always come back to hurt other people.

hugs,

Please don't take this wrong some of this will be harsh, but coming from someone in a screwed up situation like yours, here is my input.  What is your main problem?  Is it that you want to find your "real" father or inherit money?  If the man who raised you as his even if you weren't isn't your father, so what.  Does that mean he loved you less?  Nope!  Would it make you feel better if he had?  Just because someone "donated" sperm does not make them a father.  If you are afraid you can't inherit because you aren't biological, there are ways around that.  But money should in NO WAY be part of any decision you are having.  As for if you are not biological his, it will be hard to find your true parent.  And if you do, consider this, he maybe living peacefully and happily, you coming into his life at this point will be life altering for all involved.  Not just you and him, but spouses, other children, your children.  It is not a decision to be taken lightly.  I'm not saying don't find him.  But when things are calmed down, stop and think hard about what it could do to everyone.  I really hope it all works out for you. 

yes, it's true.  The past usually hurt people in the present.  I'm not nor was looking for any money.  I haven't spoken w/ my sister since last year.  The other children don't consider me his daughter as well.  I have no contact w/ them.  I don't want anything from anybody.  My nephew emailed me the day before to let me know that his mother was trying to contact me.  Now after 32 yrs she decides to tell me because she thinks i need to know the truth.  It seems most knew but me.  I've been on my own since 18 without any help from my parents.  I've NEVER asked them for any kinda help.  I'm a very independent single mom. It really hurts to know that since i didn't have my mom, at least i had a dad.  Now that may not even be true.  Yes, he took care of me and loved me in his own way.  He was a very harsh man.  My daughter's father abadoned me when i was pregnant and he has a huge family that i don't know. He is not in his daughter's life at all. I don't want my daughter growing up feeling alone like i did.  It hurts like hell.  I've always felt alone in this world since i don't really know my roots.  I think i deserve to know something.  I'm not trying to interrup anybody's life.  I deserve some answers.  My sister tells me she is my sister no matter what and will help me in any way she can.  So i will at least try for me and my child to get some answers.

Well I can somewhat relate. My mom told me when I was 11 that the man I was calling dad all these yrs was not my real father. The only reason why she told me was because she was divorcing him. I was in awhh. Here this man use to beat the **** out of me and my mother when ever he felt like it. He was an alcoholic.
I did finally find family of my real father about 10 yrs ago. I found out my real Dad had died a year prior. I was so bummed. I do have 1/2 siblings that I talked to on the phone but never met. The way I figure it, I got the ball rolling, if they wanted to have some sort of relationship they would call me. Well they don't call. So I am back to where I was before, "A only child"
I wish you great luck with your search. You have every right to know the truth.

Debi

i'm sorry to hear this.  do you know anything about your mothers family?  if you can try and reach out to your mothers family someone might be able to help you.   I will pray that you find the truth. Booh