I knew I should've stayed in bed...

I am soooo discouraged today. Could be partly contributed to the Monday blues. But I've just about had it with this job. I'm a firm believer in finding your niche and working it! But although the actual position isn't stressful, I'm absolutely terrified of the CEO. In all of my previous jobs, I was so under the radar that there was never any interaction with people of great position in the company. Here, I'm surrounded by them.  He's not a bad guy, by any means. But the intimidation I feel around him, and the sneaking suspision that he doesn't approve of the way I do my job, hounds me. I know that by nature, I'm a very paranoid person. But it seems that practically every time he talks to me, its in reference to something he THINKS I did wrong. Not one of those times, has it actually been correct. But STILL!!! When I feel threatened, I run. That is my way.  How does this pertain to our little forum here? If I leave, which is what my heart tells me...then I can't get surgery (there's my head's input). And I need surgery!!!!! In other news, my sister was just promoted...given a four dollar an hour raise doing a job she loves and will now be eligible for insurance. So she'll probably get surgery before I do.  I need a drink. Wish I liked alcohol.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. and let him know that if there is any problem to bring it to your attention that way you won't be as parnoid and he will know that you are open to suggestions.  Question how long have you been in that job it sounds like you just started not to long ago? AND STOP THINKING POORLY OF YOURSELF!  You are probaly a good worker and it is all in your head.  Keep at it and maybe it will get better.

its weird, cause I've been there eight months...and up until the past few weeks, he's been indifferent to me...but as of late. I've been growled at three times in the past four days. Each time (and i'm not saying this to pass the buck..) the source of his displeasure has had nothing to do with me.  My mother has worked for this man for five years, and she's been growled at a few times, but not to this degree.

Hey sweetie, Is this guy approachable?  If so, I'd have a convo with him, even if it's nothing in depth.  Maybe find out his hobbies, etc and use it/them to break the ice.  If he really didn't like your work, like at my office, they'd find a way to directly make things miserable enough for you to quit! Keep the faith, you will have your surgery!!  and Congrats to sis!

Not approachable at all! There are some people that have worked for this man for almost a decade and they still refuse to get in an elevator with him. He occasionally makes attempts at being courteous. Saying the obligatory "hi". But its like he oozes this intimidating pheromone..or something.  I don't know

Sounds kind of like one of the management people at my office.  She and I were caseworkers together.  I stayed a caseworker and she moved up through the ranks, sucking, no...definitely not sucking, but  absolutely kissing a$$.  None of us can tolerate her, but I'm a senior worker there and she knows I push the limit as best I can and she cannot do a thing to me!  19 years has gotten me somewhere!  Keep the chin up and all you can do is what you can do!

*~*BELIEVE*~* 

Girl stop stressin'!! If you weren't holding your own there, don't you think they would of given you the boot by now? If you still think that, come right out and ask him! Ask him how you are doing and how you might be able to improve if need be. We all know how much you want this surgery. Thats something only you can decide. You can either tuff it up or give up...I don't think you want to give up......unless you are very truly unhappy at your job.
Sorry thats the only advice I have for you hun....chin up!
Things will get better!
Debi

I do need to chill. Thank you babe. I'm gonna try my darnedest to tuff it out. I'm so close to actually acheiving something, I've set out to do. It would be a nice change. And if I can get through this, I'll have a reason to be proud of myself.

 

I think that what you feel goes hand in hand with poor self esteem.  If you know that you are doing the best job that you know how,then start believing that you're worth it. He will notice too. Chin up and send out some confident vibes.  Good Luck. Diane

It dawned on me today, as I drove home...venting to my mum. Maybe this guy subconsciously can smell my fear. And he unintentionally preys upon it. I'd hate to think that a man, that seems to be a good husband/father/son/brother...is such a son of a you-kno-what.  I've gotta get a grip.  My self-esteem, or severe lack thereof has caused me some serious problems in the past. I've lost a few jobs because of it coupled with my paranoia and panic attacks.  So thanks for your kind words. I'm gonna do my best, stick it out.