What do you say to naysayers?

I've been telling a few people about planning to have WLS. Most comments like "that surgery is so extreme" or "it's so dangerous" I can handle. Speaking to my SIL, she said something that bothered me a bit. She said "I think you are better than that" What?!?!?!?!?!?!? Better than what? She went on to say that she has seen me lose weight many times before (exactly my point here). How would you respond to that? I was taken back a little. The conversation did go on, and I know she loves me and will support me no matter what I do, but it's not often I'm left speechless. Opinions? Rachelle

Too bad everyone that we ask doesn't just automatically understand why we are doing what we do. I have an 18 year old son who was very supportive of me, but when we spoke about my choice of surgery told me that he felt I had taken the easy way out. I felt upset at first, but then I feel, in his case, he doesn't have the life experience that I do, he hasn't walked in my shoes, he can't know what I feel and have felt, how I've been discriminated against, how I struggle when I have something in the house that I find tempting. So I try not to get into discussions like that because I made the decision, I researched it and I am happy with my decision. It does not make me any less valuable or strong as a person. It's a choice I made like any other. All the best to you, Sue

Thanks for your response Susan. That was one of the things I did say to her in the conversation. That everyone can be supportive of me when I "diet" or they may think that they understand, but if they can not possibly understand unless they experienced what I have my entire life. Rachelle

I already know I am going to get that from family members...but you know what? It is all about me this time. I have been doing and foing for others...my 8 kids and husband for years and it is now my turn! Soooo...tell them thanks for the advice.

You know, Michelle. You are right. I don't need to justify myself to anyone.

Rachelle, Hun just take a deep breath and know that even when we love someone they can still be very ignorant to this surgery and why we do it! They just do not understand! I stopped making it my place to teach them, unless they ask, then of course I will help them learn about it but I just tell them, I did this for MY life, My health and MY peace of mind! I also might tell them something like I need this TOOL to help me stay on track for the rest of my life, NOT just 6 months! I would have put her on the spot and asked her to explain what she meant when she said "better then that". I want to know what others are thinking, it might be nerves talking or just ignorance. I like to the understand where it comes from so I can learn and better know how to address it. I really do not come across others that do not agree with my choice but if they show signs of not agreeing I just turn the other cheek and have the confidence in what I am doing is the best for me. I really do not need to explain to anyone why I am doing/have done this, unless I want to. I am not sure if that helps any but know you are NOT alone. Debra P

That's the answer Debra. I need to do this for MY life, MY health, MY quality of life. I think the hardest part is when someone says "you've lost weight before, why can't you do it again?" Because it gets harder and harder each time. You are right Debra. I need a tool that's going to help me lose weight and keep it off for the rest of my life. Without that tool, I'm afraid my weight will continue to yo-yo and my health will deteriorate even more. Thanks Debra. Luv ya. Rachelle

Rachelle, Too funny. Did you actually answer your SIL, "what? better than what?" That would have been just the right thing to say. Seriously, maybe you could have clarified for you and her too, what she feels is inappropriate about WLS. Sometimes people just don't understand and we can help educate them. If people are rude, then I don't dignify their absurd assumptions with a response. If they just need to be educated, I'm always happy to do that. Hugs, Amy

Hello Sweet Amy. I did speak to her again after that. She called to apologize and to say that she shouldn't have said that and that she loves me and will support me in any road I choose (I knew that ). She thinks that the surgery is too risky and is afraid for me to do it. I think what bothered me the most about the comments (and I most recently heard it again last night from my sister) is the "you've lost weight before" speech. I feel like such a failure after hearing that. Hugs Amy, Rachelle

Hi Rachelle! A very bright lawyer from my support group had a brilliant retort for comment s like your sister in laws and i hope i can paraphrase it well enough: your retort should have been, I was expecting you to support my decision, that comment was so painful to me and truth be told i'm not sure why you would say something like that to me. It's called holding up a mirror to deflect their negative comments. It puts the onus on them to explain why they would say something so foolish to you. Good luck to you, ANDI