Hurtful Statements

You never know how things affect your kids till something happens.... My 11 year old son, Zac, was at an afterschool class with a bunch of other kids.. Just to precursor the statement.. my son shouldn't be my son.. he is little and thin and very athletic.... anyway.. they were having a snack so he asked if he could have the last donut after everyone had had one... the leader said " how do you stay so thin, eating so much?".. he just replied that he swims for 2 hours a night on the swim team.. she said " whales swim all the time but they are still fat"... and then at another time (not sure if it was before or after this adult comment) a kid said... "You'd better stop eating like that or you will be as fat as your mom".... Zac took off and left the room in tears. the leader said that she was just joking when we were talking later but still... i've had more people tell me lately that they didn't think that i needed to have the surgery.. i am a 'light" 261 pounds and 5'5... but after comments like this I know that I am doing the right thing... i don't ever want my son to be hurting emotionally because of me sorry to vent.... I am having surgery in 20 days and am actually starting to look forward to it.. i think... Jenny W

Is the leader an adult or one of his peers? because if they are adult, they should be tarred and feathered for making comments like that. Unfortunately, comments from his peers are probably what they learned from their own parents and environment. As a recovering fat American, I stopped my kids when they were very young from making any comments by telling them that everyone is different, be it by color, race, weight, height, gender, etc, but that we should all be treated equally. But not everyone is politically correct as me and I've gotten kids making fun of me in front of their parents and it's just horrible. Anyway, good luck on your surgery! Sue

Hi Jenny, There are so many ignorant insensitive people in the world. The fact is, there's not much that can be done about it but to talk to your son about the fact that the world has both conscious and unconscious people and that mean, ignorant statements are just a reflection of someone who is unconscious. You can either educate them or ignore them. You are having this surgery to get on top of your health, not to make the stupid people happy. You go girl...this is a wonderful opportunity for you. I wish you the very best for your surgery. I agree that the adult who made the derisive comment is a real loser. I'm sure that their life reflects that in other ways...Sad. More power to you. Let us know how you're doing. Hugs, Amy

Jenny, Hun sometimes people can be so cruel and the kids even worse! I tell myself when I hear stuff like that, it is their ignorance talking and almost have to feel sorry for them! but that is after I am feeling upset and mad! I try to turn it around and say it was their ignorance talking, that is what they learned from their family. I wish you the best hun and may your surgery go smoothly and your recovery quick. Debra P

Thank you all so much for your kind words... I do agree that kids can be so mean to each other... and in some ways I don't know if he was being mean or just way too truthful.. I do know it is partially because I would have that extra fatty food or whatever that the weight is back on me with a vengeance. He cant' avoid this adult for unfortunately she is the coach of his odessey of the mind team. I am going to talk to him and have him come up with some type of answer when people say these things.... He knows what type of person I am and that is all that should count.. but words can be very painful.... 20 days from right now it will all be a memory (hopefully depending on surgery start time)... Now we just have to figure out whether my son will go with us and stay inthe hotel with my hubby for a couple of nights or if he stays at grammas house.... but that is another issue...... thanks again Jenny

I really know what you mean about hurtful comments. I also grew up with obese parents, but was a "normal" size as a kid. I also have adults and peers make rude comments about my parents, it still hurts even after all these years. I became obese as an adult. My kids never told me of any comments against me, even though I am sure there were some. I am also working toward WLS. So, I guess what I am getting at is, we can't change the past, but we can do something about our futures. Good Luck with your upcoming surgery. Betsy R.

GASP!!! It was his Odyssey coach?!?!?! I'm an Odyssey coach... let me know who she is and I'll kick her butt at competition in March! (just kidding) It's sad, though, when people feel they have free license to say whatever comes into their little brain, nomatter that it is hurtful. My mother-in-law is like that. Says whatever pops into her mind... of course, she weighs about 12 pounds soaking wet! I'm glad your son told you about the comments. Sometimes kids keep things like that in for fear of hurting us! UGH! Keep your chin up, Jen! Traci

Jenny, I am sorry for you,that is hard to hear I know. I promise your son loves you just the way you are and thinks yo are so beautiful and that is why he ran off in tears. Why do people have to get involved, it is not there business or concern about your weight. My kids did not understand why I wanted the surgery either because they love us unconditionally.I did the Lap band surgery for myself because I had a better reality on it.I am so glad I did.Do it for yourself and no one else. Best of luck, Tina

People can be so insensative sometimes