I am doing something wrong!!!!
Jennifer:
(((HUGS)))
I read your profile and it appears from the get go you were depressed, didn't get the surgery you wanted, were challenged by values of your family. Regardless of the tool it can be defeated. I am struck by the overwhelming sense of sadness and self hate you have. Unfortunatley, it is only a tool. I hope you seek individual counseling for personal growth. Remember taking care of ourselves is not selfi**** is necessary to take care of others. Only when we love ourselves as we are this moment can we truly love others! Here is how I see things ofr many of us....Losing weight does not solve all your issues and you soon realize it may make them WORSE! Many have the mistaken belief that all their problems are related to their obesity and are disappointed when these psychosocial issues remain even w/ wt loss. The disappointment of continuing problems can lead to sabotaging eating behaviors. I will take excepts from a pwerpoint presentaion I recently gave on teh WLS lifestyle, some things are in bold type due to copy/paste, I am not screaming! 
Some points to consider/that may aleviate some isues for you! Or help you wrap your brain around your life a different way! How I can help you to help yourself is in understanding the following...I am not sure how well you researched WLS or for how long, making the most educated and informed decision helps, and doing it for you is the only way! Even if yu chose another tool, I bet you'd be feeling siilarly, these issues are emotional more than about the tool or surgery you chose (IMHO)! RNY can be a failed diet for people as wel...it isnt the tool it is the OPERATOR orf the tool! Starting w/ realistic expectations is a good place!
THE 'WLS DREAM'****It just doesn't happen.....at least the way we envision it!***
Most people who have WLS look forward to all the 'wonderful' things they want to happen to them when they reach their goal weight...Clothes, comfort with self, increased social activity, no more isolation/loneliness, improved health, enriched relationships...and much more.
WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO CONSIDER IS THE LONG JOURNEY FROM WHERE THEY ARE PREOP TO WHERE THEY WANT TO BE...***FORGOTTEN OBSTACLES ***aka bumps in the road***
NO MATTER HOW INFORMED/EDUCATED YOU ARE NO ONE CAN PREPARE FOR THE DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENTS..MANY FEEL THERE IS SORT OF A 'MAGIC' TO WLS.
MEANING 'MAGICALLY' THEY WILL SURVIVE SURGERY, RECOVER, MAKE ALL THE LIFESTYLE ADJUSTMENTS NECESSARY TO LIVE A NEW LIFE. IT can be A RUDE AWAKENING WHEN YOU RUN INTO OBSTACLES ON THIS PATH....
#1 LOST FREEDOM OF CHOICE WITH FOOD EARLY POSTOP
THIS CAN BE EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO PREOP WHEN ONE COULD EAT WHATEVER, WHENEVER IN WHATEVER AMOUNTS THEY WISHED...
NECESSITATES GRIEVING PROCESS.....
REFUSING TO GRIEVE LEADS TO 'CHEATING' WITH FOOD INTAKE (WRONG FOOD, TIMES, AMOUNTS)
#2 DEALING WITH TRIGGERS
PLACES, TIME, EMOTIONS
#3 CONTROLLING CRAVINGS
EATING IN RESPONSE TO A CRAVING SETS YOU UP FOR SELF SABOTAGE
#4 WEIGHT PLATEAU
1ST FEW MONTHS RAPID WT LOSS..BEGINS TO SLOW..CAN STOP COMPLETELY FOR A FEW WEEKS...
NEED TO CONTINUE ROUTINE AND NOT GET DISCOURAGED/DEPRESSED
#5 EXCESS SKIN!
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (Reframe WLS is just the first step in a million mile adventurous journey) WLS is an effective TOOL to help those who have it achieve/maintain a:
'HEALTHIER WT'
NOT AN 'IDEAL WT'!
W/ a lap band that means ~35%-70% EWL but remember this is not THIN!!!! it is healthier! Lap band is slower than bypass as well! That is OKAY if you accept the fact.....
PERSONAL CHOICES ~ NOT MAGIC!
Nothing MAGIC @ WLS; it is not a get out of OBESITY jail free card! It may help put MORBID OBESITY in remission but it is not a CURE!
"THE TOOL"
Must be well cared for to last!
Used properly & consistently for maximum results!
Any TOOL/SURGERY can be DEFEATED!
EWL is dependant on diligence of lifestyle modifications. *ITS UP TO YOU!*
REFRAME: EATING TO LIVE VS LIVING TO EAT
WHY DOES IT WORK? *it is an opportunity*
A tool to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE!
To relearn healthy habits, self responsibility and accountability.
YOU WILL NEED TO CHANG E YOUR LIFE & MIND to be successful long-term, otherwise this too can be a failed diet attempt!
5 Behaviors of Successful Maintainers
1)Give UP Dieting FOREVER, instead practice a healthy way of eating based on bodies nutritional needs.
2) Stop being a couch potato:
EXERCISE: Regular/intentional
3) Find SUPPORT: Friends/Family, Group, In person Online, Therapist
4) HONESTY: Look at self-sabotaging behaviors/attitudes & develop positive ones to support their wt loss.
5) STOP reacting to STRESS
Realize they turn to food to cope with stress
Practice proactive stress management
Problem solving
Relaxation techniques
THE SCALE (aka hunkametal)*WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?
IMPROVED SELF ACCEPTANCE, HEALTH, FUNCTIONING? OR JUST A NUMBER ON THE SCALE? Your view may impact the outcome! YOU have to believe you/self worth are/is more than a number!
________________________
WHY ITS NOT THE EASY WAY OUT! (*you mentioned u thought this would be easier than dieting!*sorry to say it is probably much much more challenging than!)
It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals).
For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat.
While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes.
SURGICAL SUCCESS REQUIRES THAT THE PATIENT INITIATES AND MAINTAINS DRAMATIC HABIT AND ATTITUDE CHANGES.....
CHANGE IS INEVITABLE STRUGGLE IS OPTIONAL!
THE BOTTOM LINE ***YOU HAVE TO CHANGE!***
ITS STILL ABOUT CALORIES!
ITS STILL ABOUT HEALHTY NUTRITIONAL CHOICES!
ITS STILL ABOUT REGULAR EXERCISE!
REMEMBER: ITS WHAT YOU DO 90% OF THE TIME THAT MATTERS!
ITS STILL ABOUT PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY/CHOICE!
ITS ONLY A TOOL!
IT'S A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION! ENJOY DRIVING (avoid riding)! Be active!
A few books I recommend as well (but therapy I recommend FIRST!)
"Life Is hard food is easy" By Linda Spangle RN MA ©2003.
"Living a Lighter Lifestyle" 4th ed. A guide to successful Weight loss and Maintenance Following Weight Loss Surgery" by Gayle Andrews, PHD, LMFT ©2003.
"When individuals take responsibility they feel liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in their success." Today I hope you feel liberated and empowered to be true to yourself and your WLS! If we are to achieve a healthy life we absolutely must fight like a mad dog against everything that made us obese in the first place. We must take control and own responsibility for our success. So focus on inner strength rather than inner weakness. I know for me I decided to stop being a victim and instead survive then thrive, again here is my favorite
poem!:
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 5 SHORT CHAPTERS
By Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Jennifer I knoiw this may be challenging to read, long as well but lets walk down a different street together ok! HUGS! 
Take Care,
Jamie
Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh
320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Some points to consider/that may aleviate some isues for you! Or help you wrap your brain around your life a different way! How I can help you to help yourself is in understanding the following...I am not sure how well you researched WLS or for how long, making the most educated and informed decision helps, and doing it for you is the only way! Even if yu chose another tool, I bet you'd be feeling siilarly, these issues are emotional more than about the tool or surgery you chose (IMHO)! RNY can be a failed diet for people as wel...it isnt the tool it is the OPERATOR orf the tool! Starting w/ realistic expectations is a good place!
THE 'WLS DREAM'****It just doesn't happen.....at least the way we envision it!***
Most people who have WLS look forward to all the 'wonderful' things they want to happen to them when they reach their goal weight...Clothes, comfort with self, increased social activity, no more isolation/loneliness, improved health, enriched relationships...and much more.
WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO CONSIDER IS THE LONG JOURNEY FROM WHERE THEY ARE PREOP TO WHERE THEY WANT TO BE...***FORGOTTEN OBSTACLES ***aka bumps in the road***
NO MATTER HOW INFORMED/EDUCATED YOU ARE NO ONE CAN PREPARE FOR THE DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENTS..MANY FEEL THERE IS SORT OF A 'MAGIC' TO WLS.
MEANING 'MAGICALLY' THEY WILL SURVIVE SURGERY, RECOVER, MAKE ALL THE LIFESTYLE ADJUSTMENTS NECESSARY TO LIVE A NEW LIFE. IT can be A RUDE AWAKENING WHEN YOU RUN INTO OBSTACLES ON THIS PATH....
#1 LOST FREEDOM OF CHOICE WITH FOOD EARLY POSTOP
THIS CAN BE EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO PREOP WHEN ONE COULD EAT WHATEVER, WHENEVER IN WHATEVER AMOUNTS THEY WISHED...
NECESSITATES GRIEVING PROCESS.....
REFUSING TO GRIEVE LEADS TO 'CHEATING' WITH FOOD INTAKE (WRONG FOOD, TIMES, AMOUNTS)
#2 DEALING WITH TRIGGERS
PLACES, TIME, EMOTIONS
#3 CONTROLLING CRAVINGS
EATING IN RESPONSE TO A CRAVING SETS YOU UP FOR SELF SABOTAGE
#4 WEIGHT PLATEAU
1ST FEW MONTHS RAPID WT LOSS..BEGINS TO SLOW..CAN STOP COMPLETELY FOR A FEW WEEKS...
NEED TO CONTINUE ROUTINE AND NOT GET DISCOURAGED/DEPRESSED
#5 EXCESS SKIN!
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (Reframe WLS is just the first step in a million mile adventurous journey) WLS is an effective TOOL to help those who have it achieve/maintain a:
'HEALTHIER WT'
NOT AN 'IDEAL WT'!
W/ a lap band that means ~35%-70% EWL but remember this is not THIN!!!! it is healthier! Lap band is slower than bypass as well! That is OKAY if you accept the fact.....
PERSONAL CHOICES ~ NOT MAGIC!
Nothing MAGIC @ WLS; it is not a get out of OBESITY jail free card! It may help put MORBID OBESITY in remission but it is not a CURE!
"THE TOOL"
Must be well cared for to last!
Used properly & consistently for maximum results!
Any TOOL/SURGERY can be DEFEATED!
EWL is dependant on diligence of lifestyle modifications. *ITS UP TO YOU!*
REFRAME: EATING TO LIVE VS LIVING TO EAT
WHY DOES IT WORK? *it is an opportunity*
A tool to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE!
To relearn healthy habits, self responsibility and accountability.
YOU WILL NEED TO CHANG E YOUR LIFE & MIND to be successful long-term, otherwise this too can be a failed diet attempt!
5 Behaviors of Successful Maintainers
1)Give UP Dieting FOREVER, instead practice a healthy way of eating based on bodies nutritional needs.
2) Stop being a couch potato:
EXERCISE: Regular/intentional
3) Find SUPPORT: Friends/Family, Group, In person Online, Therapist
4) HONESTY: Look at self-sabotaging behaviors/attitudes & develop positive ones to support their wt loss.
5) STOP reacting to STRESS
Realize they turn to food to cope with stress
Practice proactive stress management
Problem solving
Relaxation techniques
THE SCALE (aka hunkametal)*WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?
IMPROVED SELF ACCEPTANCE, HEALTH, FUNCTIONING? OR JUST A NUMBER ON THE SCALE? Your view may impact the outcome! YOU have to believe you/self worth are/is more than a number!
________________________
WHY ITS NOT THE EASY WAY OUT! (*you mentioned u thought this would be easier than dieting!*sorry to say it is probably much much more challenging than!)
It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals).
For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat.
While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes.
SURGICAL SUCCESS REQUIRES THAT THE PATIENT INITIATES AND MAINTAINS DRAMATIC HABIT AND ATTITUDE CHANGES.....
CHANGE IS INEVITABLE STRUGGLE IS OPTIONAL!
THE BOTTOM LINE ***YOU HAVE TO CHANGE!***
ITS STILL ABOUT CALORIES!
ITS STILL ABOUT HEALHTY NUTRITIONAL CHOICES!
ITS STILL ABOUT REGULAR EXERCISE!
REMEMBER: ITS WHAT YOU DO 90% OF THE TIME THAT MATTERS!
ITS STILL ABOUT PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY/RESPONSIBILITY/CHOICE!
ITS ONLY A TOOL!
IT'S A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION! ENJOY DRIVING (avoid riding)! Be active!
A few books I recommend as well (but therapy I recommend FIRST!)
"Life Is hard food is easy" By Linda Spangle RN MA ©2003.
"Living a Lighter Lifestyle" 4th ed. A guide to successful Weight loss and Maintenance Following Weight Loss Surgery" by Gayle Andrews, PHD, LMFT ©2003.
"When individuals take responsibility they feel liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in their success." Today I hope you feel liberated and empowered to be true to yourself and your WLS! If we are to achieve a healthy life we absolutely must fight like a mad dog against everything that made us obese in the first place. We must take control and own responsibility for our success. So focus on inner strength rather than inner weakness. I know for me I decided to stop being a victim and instead survive then thrive, again here is my favorite
poem!:
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 5 SHORT CHAPTERS
By Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Jennifer I knoiw this may be challenging to read, long as well but lets walk down a different street together ok! HUGS!
Take Care,
Jamie
Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh
320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!" 
You are doing a wonderful job!
I was feeling a lot of depression on Friday and I posted about it (on the pity pot). All of the feedback that I got back really gave me a lot to think about over the weekend.
I know that I want to be thin. I know that I'll get there but it's going to take time. The surgery isn't a quick fix. We have to work at it. There definitely has to be a lifestyle change. SO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF!!
I know that I have not lost weight like everybody else has. Originally I thought that I was doing something wrong. Everybody's body is different. Both me and my future ex-hubby had surgery last year and Dr. Artuso performed both surgeries. My future ex lost weight a whole lot faster then I did. I actually began to develop a complex about it. Then I realized that he is actually more active then I am. I sit at a desk all day and he's on the go all day. He does his sports stuff. I do the curves thing. Everybody is just different.
I know that Dr. Artuso told me that I "could" drop 20 pounds a month for a while. I can honestly tell you that did not happen with me and I was OK with that. A little disappointed, but OK with it. I want to be thinner which is why I had surgery.
Keep your head up. Keep posting on this board. There is so much knowledge and wisdom here. Everybody on this board has helped me through some really tough times with their posts. Often I feel like I'm alone with certain things that go on with me and I read the posts and I'm like OMG I'm really not alone.
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