Hello All ~Hugs~ I ...

Hello All ~Hugs~ I was just emailing Jamie and wanted to post some thoughts on the board, mostly for the newbies but it really helps us all I think. SO much I want to tell my OH family that I wish was told to ME over and over again before surgery but I was so fixed on "getting" the surgery and dealing with it all later. ~shakes head~ The issues that I was misslead on where: 1)Thought that I would HAVE to give up ALL those bad foods that made me fat! WRONG: you can eat them once your out far enough and you have to learn to control these things. 2)Thinking that I would NOT have to exercise to reach my goal weight! WRONG: I have to start doing more JUST to reach my goal and stay here for life! 3)If I had sugar stuff I would get sick ALL the time so I would NOT even try 1 piece! WRONG: As you are out some you can have those things again so learning how to manage them is key! There are more but those are the ones that I was really thinking about, if anyone has more to add or questions please feel free to add! We are all learning as this journey moves forward and I believe we never will stop learning new things for the rest of our lives. Love you all Debra P

Yeah Deb, Another of a million good ideas. Here's mine: Thinking there is going to be a set amount of weight loss during a set amount of time. Granted, weight loss is much more rapid after weight loss surgery, there is no way of know how much or why or when the weight will move down the scale. It does what it does. The big lesson for me in this is that I just have to keep rehearsing healthy behaviors and let the scale do what it choses to do. Outta my hands as long as I'm exercising, eating well, and drinkin' my water.... Hugs, Amy

Amy, YES that is another really good one as well. Like you said, learning to NOT go by the scale and learn how to take care of yourself is so VARY hard to relearn! All for the good but it takes time to get this stuff. Well thanks for posting hun. Debra P

Deb (and all NYer's) I often have felt/still feel like a frustrated (only way I can describe it although I am not a parent, I mean you want the best for others and not to have them go thru or struggle as you may have), wanting to share the 'wisdom or experience or knowledge' that comes with 'been there and done that' and 'I want to save you from the struggle etc.'. I get angry at times, sad at others, I want to yell so others can hear me *like that ever made anyone listen!*, I get frustrated and just shake my head and throw up my hands at others....I see where others are going down a slippery slope, I continue to work on this by detaching with love for others on this journey. I try to open the eyes of others by sharing my journey and challenges and how I have grown and how I have yet to grow! I try to pay it forward and give what I can (even if it helps one person) and let go of what I can not do as well, I try to keep it real and be honest with myself and others, it is no picnic I do not want others to think that, as well it is not all bad and I do not want to just tell of the challenges...I do not mean 'I know it all' or 'my way is THE way or I am perfect' *FAR FROM IT!* I do not mean that at all. I want newbies/preops to UNDERSTAND so many vital things that ONLY can be learned with time and going through it unfortunately. The HONEYMOON and awe of all the 1 yr successes is so easily misleading, it is so enchanting, it is SO SHORT! and the time can be 'wasted' so quickly... I was told, warned things like: *over and over did I hear it? yeah, did I believe it? um not sure, I thought "That won't happen to me, I won't do that, etc etc... Its a tool WLS is meant to get people thinner NOT TO AN IDEAL BW (realistic expectations) The scale is a hunkametal it lies, you can only influence your wt so much, this isn't a race it is about the healthy lifestyle not the scale! Exercise is one of the biggest factors in short/longterm succes it is the use of psychology (brain/emotions/self talk) not the tool (pouch) that will Determine longterm success! Weight-loss surgery is not a magic pill they operate on your stomach not your brain don't say x amount pounds gone forever because it may not be! SADLY REGAIN HAPPENS COMMONLY! this will just be another failed diet attempt longterm if you do not change your life this is just the FIRST step to health it gets you to the lifestyle/mindset quicker than conventional dieting that is all that is different you will be challenged to maintain forever *no one knew what maintenance was or how hard it can be!* But acceptance of this and that it is possible and worth the effort can happen! you will have to be mindful, self responsible and accountable forever! this is the HARDEST thing you will ever do, because you have to be forever vigillant to be healthy. the amount of effort for self care is huge & never ending! (accepting this vs strugglng with it helps) Gastric bypass is no quick fix "This is not the easy way out. It's a major surgery that comes with significant risks and possible complications." Unfortunately, this message can get lost in the glow of success stories and miraculous "after" pictures. SO I have been working for 4 yrs on accepting: The reality that it is just the first step in a process that includes many lifelong adjustments. (nutritionally, physically, spiritually & emotionally). There is no perfection only progress for me, I strive for the grey area and less black/white (*although I have some absolutes, no alcohol, sugar, carbonation, eating/drinking together and that exercise is a MUST); I try to live by what I do 90% of the time matters, I try to be aware of triggers and potholes in my journey and not get stuck too long or in the same one over and over....I can share my journey, those that are able to listen and be helped that is my hope, but I also now realize everyone has their own journey and lessons to learn, for some WLS will be a failed 'diet' but that is their stuff as sad as that may be it is not mine to fix.... My favorite poem: AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 5 SHORT CHAPTERS By Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost...I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in...it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. IV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. WLS has allowed me to walk down a different street! BUT I have to choose to do that! Thanks for listening to my ramblings as always, take what helps, leave the rest! Take Care, Jamie Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh 320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510 "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"

Jamie, girrrl...You've got a book to write. You have so much insight and wisdom to offer. You are amazing. I love that poem too...way before WLS, but in light of WLS it has tremendous significance. xoxoxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo Amy

Hi Debra, It still amazes me that with all the information and media hype--the general public still believes the mis-information that has surrounded bariatric surgery--I still meet people who believe that this is the "easy" way out of obesity. I know that some people(Even some bariatric patients) think that they will get sick(Dump) if they eat any sugar at all. It amazes me that most people (including some bariatric post-op patients) don't realize how important it is to get one's head in the right place--We have to deal with our food issues and with the psychological /emotional issues that surround the food issues-- even more than before we had surgery (if we truly want to maintain our weight loss). We have to exercise regularly and diligently (If we want to have a healthy and constant weight loss--and even more importantly --to maintain the loss). I constantly say that "this is the hardest thing that I have ever done" ! The surgery was a challenge--true ! But losing and maintaining the loss --is far more of a challenge! This is for the rest of our lives--we have to change --Yes we can eat "Everything" ( in moderation). and we must exercise and we must change the way we approch eating--we MUST eat to live--no longer can we live to eat! That is the challenge--to overcome the food addiction (and I don't care what anyone says--it is an addiction--it is the one addiction that we can't give up cold turkey--we can stop smoking, drinking or even stop taking drugs--and never touch those substances again--and we live! But we cannot stop eating --not completely--that is why I believe that food addiction is the hardest to control. So, thank Goodness for these boards--where we can come to complain , lament , congradulate each other, pray for each other and support each other--thanks Debra for all your good and gracious thoughts! you are a blessing to us all! Be Blessed, Marian SC 242.4/151/goal 125-130???

Hey Deb and All - A timely post...you've all pretty much said it, and it was really good for me to read your personal wisdoms. I still find myself comparing my loss rate to others - and when I compare losing 116 pounds in 1 year to someone who's lost 100 in 6 months, I can walk away feeling like my journey is too slow, done wrong, etc. I wish I'd learn once and for all that there is absolutely nothing to be gained (har) by comparing myself to others...pretty much true for any topic in my life, but certainly regarding WLS! Hugs to all, Mary Mc