people are a pain ....why do they say those things??

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while --but I just have to say something about the comments that people make now that I've lost some weight...Most comments are kind --but there are a few that really get to me. For instance: 1. I hope you aren't going to lose any more weight--your face is so thin! Response: there is always Botox and collegen--that will fill my face out--as for my body--I still have more fat to get rid of! 2. Should you be eating that? Response: It must be okay as long as it is not making you or me fat! 3. Hello, SLIM! Response:Yep, I'm working on it! 4. You took the easy way out--surgery. Response: You go under the knife for five hours! Eat liquids four six solid weeks! take tons of vitamins and suppliments and eat only small portions of foods for the rest of your life--then tell me that I took the EASY way out! THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE! 5. Aren't you finished losing weight?? Response: I am a work in progress and I always will be! There are other comments that are irritating and downright nasty--but I try to ignore them--What comments doyou have to put up with??? Be Blessed, Marian SC 242.4/151/goal 125-130???

Marian, A friend of mine, who I met through my support group told me that she has had people come up to her and say, "you have such a pretty face now". NOW? What about before? That would tick me right off too. Molly

Marian: I actually just sent a handout to my support group about this issue, if you shoot me an email at: [email protected] I will semail you the PDF copy! One thing I can say that has helped me is this: I NO LONGER take any responsibility for other's thoughts/actions/opinions. I can only control my respnse to them. People have free will (and use it to be idiots at times!) butI have control on how I respond to them! Some people just do not think, others are ignorant, some are malicious sabateurs, some are JEALOUS, and some are so unhappy wiht themselves they attempt to spread that negativity to others (projecting their emotions onto others). Learning to not accept others negativity is so empowering for me. It takes practice.... What you chose to share with others is your business, but asking how much MORE you are to lose is PERSONAL info and NOBODYS BUSINESS frankly! Do you want to let that particular person know? Ok if yes but if not, you simply do not owe them an answer. Or a (semi sarcastic) SO YOU ARE CONCERNED I MAY LOSE TOO MUCH WEIGHT? Should you be eating that, that much, now etc. No one has the power to police us unless we allow it. A simple "thank you for your concern' usually stops em in their tracks. Or being clear about healthy boundaries such as " I appreciate your concern" "I'd appreciate people not udging/asking/discussing my food choices thank you" end of story, people can take it however but that is their stuff. If they continue then walk away or I have asked you before kindly not to comment on my food choices, i hope you can respect my wishes. It all depends on the person how to respond. Hello SLIM is a compliment probably, a simple thank you is sfficient (even if it is hard to accept compliments!) Practice makes it easier! The yep i amm working on it signals you are not taking the compliment and still feel flawed (IMHO) they see u as slim, acknowledge their view is all, even if it differs from yours! (perhaps one way to look at it!) you took the easy way out is simple IBGNORANCE, a respionse is not needed if u do not care about the person, if you do then trying to educate once is a thought otherwise the person is not worht the effort. A answeer such as "Some people feel that way, I researched and felt this was the right choice for me" or "I appreciate yu feel that way, i disagree" leave it at that. Again anyone who has had WLS knows this is the hardest thing ever (to maintian the wt loss and health that is!) but again uneducated people do not know or probably care, jealousy can play in here, their stuff not yours, you know YOUR truth and life it daily, no need to try and control their view (unless it is VERY important to u that person knnow or u think they are iopen to education). Arent u finsihed yet? humm: Thanks for your concern, this is a journey i will be on for a slong as I live to be healthy. thank you! Some people ust want to argue, You are in control do u want to or not? Do not turn your personal power over to others! Keep it for yourself! Some well thought out responses practiced can help and then the confidence and internal peace can be found! HUGS! Take Care, Jamie Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh 320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510 "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"

Marian I just got home from my support group and this topic was discussed. One fella had what I thought to be the best response and it can be used to respond to a varity of ill timed comments. Simply reply: "why how odd of you to make such a comment regarding my personal decisions" , then just walk away. I like it! Kenny

i say f them all im happy being thin i could care less whqat people say they are just jealous keep uyp thye good work uyou look fabu Stacy

Hi Marian, So nice to hear from you. I hope all is well in your world. Any new pics? I have to agree wholeheartedly with Jamie's post. What people say and do is out of our control. The only thing we have control over is our inner response to peoples actions and comments. There is no one pat way to answer insensitive comments. I have the curse of being too honest sometimes and really telling folks what I think when I find their comments insensitive. It certainly takes care of the problem, but I have developed a bit of a rep. Frankly, I don't really care. With friends like those, who needs enemies. If you are sure about your choices, confident in your sucesses, focused on your work, then it really doesn't matter what others think or say. Hugs to you, Amy

Marian, Good post hun... I think we ALL hear some of these along the way but YES the biggest by far is the "easy way out" thing....grrrrrr!!!! I do get a little nasty when someone says that now. Also another big one is the hint of gaining the weight back!!! Some see all the changes but some just see the fact that you can still gain weight after the surgery! Well I would rather be healthy and thin and listen to these people's ignorance then being FAT still. Take care and thanks Debra P